Why do gay people come out of the closet so late in life?

Question

There are many gay people who are married (not to a person of the same sex), have kids, and look like they are enjoying life. Then something dramatic in their life happens, and they come out of the closet. Why does this happen? What would have happened if that dramatic event never happened, would they have still come out later?

Or

They come out of the closet like in their thirties....why couldn't they have come out earlier? Did they know they were gay, or did they try to stop it?

Answer 1

Fear.

Fear of relatives cutting them off from them personally (family get togethers) and financially (like inheritance).

Fear of losing friends, especially friends of the same gender (this is a BIG fear, especially for men).

Fear of losing their children or having other relatives keep their nieces, nephews, or grandchildren away from them.

Being humiliated and thrown out of the church or any other supportive group they might belong to.

Fear of redicule at work. This goes on all of the time, by the way.

Fear of having to live their secret lives openly now.

Fear of being judged as sinners or dispicable people when their own straight relatives and friends were not so judged by them.

And I would say the last fear is that represented by public humiliation -- neighbors, acquaintances, and others they might run into on an everyday or weekly basis just sort of avoiding them or not including them in things.

You have mentioned gay people but have failed to talk about bisexual ones. Bisexual men (often in a marriage) are put under a great deal of stress at times and live under unbelieavable fear of discovery. They fear their wives will find out, that their wives will tell others, and that they will be publically humiliated while still married.

When a person comes out, he or she has to be choosey at times. Some of those you might have considered to be your closest friends will cut you off in a moment's notice -- and the one's who are themselves closeted often cut other gay and bisexuals friends off so their own secret is not revealed -- by association with known non-straight people. It is a horrible thing to go through. And quite frankly, humiliating.

Answer 2

It's all about coming to terms with your sexuality and wanting to do the right thing. We are all individuals and are prepared to settle for different things in our relationships. Sometimes people ignore their feelings for fear of hurting others, to the extent that these feelings do not go away or get better they just sit there and fester. So, it all builds up inside like a pressure cooker, until at some point in their lives it all comes out, more often than not in a messy way. The bottom line is we can't ignore who we are as people, because like it or not it will always effect who we are.

Answer 3

We tend to fear what we don't understand. Once we realize that we are gay simply because that's just who we are and accept it, we no longer fear all the boogey-men that hide in bigotry, hatred, egotism, and stupidity. Unfortunately, by the time one realizes that everyone has an opinion and nobody's opinion can move one speck of cosmic dust 1 micrometer even in the vacuum of space with a tailwind at their back, we are all grown up. One very famous philosopher said, youth is wasted on the young. That's because by the time you realize how ignorant and idiotic you were, youth is gone. Mork from Ork had it right - you start out old and stupid and as you mature, you get younger, experienced and more intelligent. (Who is Mork?) Ask an older person.

Answer 4

Coming out is really a hard thing to do. Especailly in high school years. I am bisexual and I get loads of crap just for that. I have gay friends that have come out and that haven't. Some are just braver and it differs on their situation. I have a friend that is a senior in high school and he is the lead quaterback on the football team and he is gay. Coming out for him can do damage in a lot of places. Especally for guys that are relying on sports scholarships.

I don't know why they get married then come out, maybe it's because they didn't know back then. Also they may have tried to stop it. That's very possible. A lot of men are fearful of being gay (along with woman and being lesbians). As I said this word is very cruel sometimes to people that are homosexual or bisexual.

If you want to help support them my source website is a guy who is really trying to help with the whole situation.

Also if you want to help gay marrages then please sign this petition!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/527671569?ltl=1165561103

Answer 5

I guess because the older generations were brought more conservative than people now days. There is still hate for Gays and lesbians, but not like it used to be. My best friend come out when were in junior high. He's open about it and his parents accept it now. He still does get teased at school sometimes, though. Even I get picked on just for being his best friend! It's ridiculous how some pple can be so hateful! It bothers him more when I get picked on than when ppl pick on him. I love him to death though, and I would never desert him just because he's gay. At first one cheer leader chick called him ugly names, and it was because she was jealous! Jealous because Sam is so cute and he's totally off limits to her!

Answer 6

With the older generation, when they were younger, things were different. Society didn't accept gays and lesbians like it does now, and people were scared. Most people were brought up being taught that homosexuality is wrong and is just a "disease" or a "choice." With that belief, many men and women hid their true desires from themselves and faced a life of denial. Now that society is becoming as it is, people are starting to accept themselves finally and understand what they really are.

Answer 7

fear of not being socially accepted. Then some people come out because they can't keep lying to themselves and the people around them. Living the way they are isn't making them completely happy because they have a desire to be with the same-sex.

Answer 8

Most of our parents are really down on us being gay. They like do everything to deny it and to rule it out as a life choice for us. We are trained to be hetro breeders from year one. Some of us figure this out when we get out on our own. It takes longer for others.

Answer 9

My best friend is still hiding it from all but a few. If he comes out he will lose his job(at a Catholic school). This poor guy is so great yet he'll never be truly happy

Answer 10

Because they were told being gay was wrong and was going to cause them to go to hell and get beaten to death and lose their jobs and disowned by their family, so they pretended to be straight until they couldn't take it any longer.