Is it cruel to have an abortion if your're life depended on it?

Question

I was involved in a abusive relationship, my boyfriend forced me to get pregnant, and tried to kill me once and forced me to do alot, he had hit me before and i was terrified of him, but i could not leave him, since he threatend my parents lives.... Anyhow i got pregnant, and i l left him bcoz it just got to much, i had an abortion done the 2nd of Sep, it was terrible, he said he will get me one day if i have the baby and he will harm me for leaving, so ja, i still cry at night, because im against abortion, big time and i had one done, and it kills me inside...i know what i have done is wrong, but if have not been in a similar situation then you will not understand you might even blame me.... I am sorry...

Answer 1

I personally think that you did the right thing. I think that you are probably in mourning for an ideal of yourself that you could not uphold because of other events in your life. It is perfectly normal to do that. It is also perfectly normal to mourn the baby, even if you didn't really want it and couldn't take care of it. That mourning will pass and you will start to feel better. In my opinion it is better not to bring a child into a miserable situation and those that believe once a child is conceived it should not be aborted should take a look at the statistics for serial killers, rapists, and other societal predators. I'm sure the larger statistic for these people's backgrounds is not happy loving homes. To make this decision worth something you need to take action. If you have any proof whatsoever, you can swear a complaint out against him and request a restraining order. You need to get away and stay away from him. Find a man that values you after you heal from this traumatic relationship. Go home, go to your best friend, so somewhere you feel safe to heal so you can get strong again. You are not a weak person. I can tell because you defied him. So take it all the way and get your life back. Good Luck :-)

Answer 2

Your boyfriend is crap! Anyway, I cannot say that abortion is totally bad. It depends on individual's circumstances and situation. For example, in a case whereby an unexpected pregnancy bestow a loving couple at a wrong time. Think about it..the couple has got two children (1year old, the other 2 years old) still very dependent on the parents. The couple has to look after them as they cannot afford a nanny. No relatives willing to share the burden. If a baby comes in a time like this, having it will cause more sufferings to the family and the baby. Anyway, people from different countries and cultures will react according to their environment and believes. There is a no definite right or wrong to it.
I can only say that there are many different cases of intended abortion...it is definitely not an enjoyable process.. and no sane woman would want to go through it..Who does?...if given a better choice, I believe they would have the baby.

Answer 3

Dear Nimfie,
I understand. You have been through some very awful things for someone so young. Your life seems to have been a swirling vortex of pain and hopelessness.
People, in terrible situations, just trying to survive, under such duress, will make decisions they would NEVER otherwise consider. I believe that is what you did. You WERE the person who could have an abortion, only because of that horrible time.
But you are not that person now. And that is why you feel so much remorse for your actions. You may even ask yourself why you did it or could I have done something else. But those questions are so easy to ask now that the fear of death isn't staring you in the face.
Know it was your situation that drove you to have an abortion. That means you must learn from this mistake. You are NOT a bad person. Know in your heart you must never do this again.
Some will say "There is no excuse". I say they only get to judge you, if they have lived your life.
I see by some of your questions you're trying to get your life together. That is wonderful. I hope you have much success, and peace in your life. After all you've been through, you deserve it. If you need someone to chat with [e-mail] Charley

Answer 4

for all those who are against abortion better run to their nearest adoption center and get them a baby that was not aborted!!!! Women had these babies for you idiots out there do your part instead of just preaching how wrong you think abortion is!
Stay away from that guy, most women usually follow a pattern of the type of men they date and hopefully you've broken the vicious cycle. If you're a practicing catholic this wil mean nothing to you but if you're not get on birth control! Call planned parenthood if you don't have insurance or very little to no money and tell them so and that you need birth control. They will help you!
If the abortion you had is tearing you up inside, seek help.Once again if money or insurance is an issue, Call United Way tell them you need a counselor that charges on a sliding fee scale.They'll give you numbers, they will help! You'll never forget the decisions you've made in life but the hurt will soften with time and forgiving yourself.

Answer 5

Wow I feel for you gal. As for those who dump on you cause you did have an abortion, those who keep saying you had no right to punish the unborn. Phooy. Why force an innocent child to endure what that poor baby would have had to endure with a father like that creep?! Have they considered that maybe you've just saved a child from being cursed at, tortured, physically, mentaly and maybe even spiritually abused? Perhaps even worse... turned into another monster just like it's dad.
I agree that abortion isn't to be used as an easy out. It isn't birth control. That should come before the fact but you said he forced you to get pregnant then said he'd 'get you' if you had it. The mans around the bend.
Get away! Stay away! Most important learn to live for yourself and on your own. You'll need at least some education. Do what you have to to at least get a GED! Then if you can go for training in a job that you can like. Leave that mad man behind in your dust Child! You don't need him or anyone like him! You ( and the One Who Made All) can do anything you put your mind to.
So go on out there. Learn to love yourself and others will love you. The Spirit that Created all knows that you only did what you felt you had to do. I'm certain that if you are truely ment to have a child you will someday have one that you can raise in a warm and loving place.
Give yourself space, time for healing. You have had a lot of negativity thrown at you. Shield yourself from it accept only positive stuff from others from now on. Don't let any one tell you that you are other than a fine upstanding human being and you will be a fine upstanding human being. People live up to what they are called as well as living down to it.
Take care, be safe, learn to love. But stay away from the crazy ones!!

Answer 6

There is a lesson learned here, and that is the choices that you make in life impacts you negatively or positively. Listen, you chose to date a bad man, you chose not to leave as soon as you found out he was scum and didn't report him to the police. YOU eventually chose to have an abortion and blame it on your circumstance.

Now that you are hopefully wiser, call the police and file a restraining order. Leave town and start a new life. Your life doesn't depend on the guy so stop making excuses already. You decided to have the abortion, he didn't drive you to the doctor and demanded you have one. Needless to say, your life begins now. What's happend already happened - today is a new day, so brush it all aside, have strength. Seek some counseling and therapy and leave the past behind.

Answer 7

Don't feel guilt. You made the decision that was right for you and your unborn baby at the time. I am pleased to hear that you have left this guy. Please don't ever go back, you are too good for someone like that, no woman deserves to be treated like that.
Learn and grow from the things you have been through and the decisions you have made, do not regret them. It is for no one else to say wether or not you did the right thing, but so long as you have learnt something from the experience you will become a better person and rise above all this. Perhaps you should consider counselling to help you deal with your situation. Good luck.

Answer 8

Pro-Life

You are not at fault for having this abortion. You felt that your life would be in danger for having this baby. What your boyfriend did to you was horrible. It looks like from what you said is that you were raped, because you said in your text that he forced you to get pregnant. You are not at fault because you would have kept the baby if it wasn't for your boyfriend. I don't believe you killed your baby. If anything your b/f contributed to the death of your baby, not you. You should get a restraining order against him. I honestly think he should be put to death for how he treats you and give you no choice to have an abortion. you might want to try to get consoling to sort everything out. If you would like to talk to me email me at [e-mail]
Good luck!

Answer 9

You did what you did because you honestly felt it was the right thing to do for both you and the baby. You say you are against abortion, so i know you wouldn't have done it for selfish reasons. Talk to someone about your feelings, maybe even a counsellor,so that you can feel better about it soon and the feelings don't overwhelm you. But you knew then that you were doing the right thing, and you will be able to truly feel it again soon. You're in my prayers.

Answer 10

If he threatened to kill you you should have called the police years ago. I think there should only be abortions if the mother is in danger of dying if she continues the pregnancy but that's not the point. Yes it is cruel but at least you know what you did was wrong. Not many women realize that.