Are White Men's Expectations Skewed When Dating Women of Color?

Question

Please, serious replies if you can muster 'em. Writing a novel, need white male input. Character is a college professor, married to a professional black woman who is having an "identity crisis" based on her discovery that he's been having an affair with one of his students (a WHITE girl). Sort of stuck on the reasons he might have been "attracted" to his (black) wife, and how her insecurities might affect him on a psychological level. Don't want to make it about race, but I don't have much research to go on other than my own relationships with white men, which haven't necessarily been anything like what I'm writing. Any information on how white men approach women of color, in particular black women, and what are their expectations going into a relationship--the factors that would lead to a marriage between two very different psychologies based on American history of slavery, and the ambivalence that has ensued between them. Thanks all!

ps. all answers considered, of course.

Answer 1

I think you can take that route and try and think in a deep and profound way on why a white man and black woman would be together. Your question why a white man would be attracted to a black woman. There could be underlying and psychological reasons but don't forget he might just find her attractive and sexy. After meeting her he discovered they have a lot in common which made her even more attractive to him. Sometimes we over think things, when the reasons are the simplest.

Answer 2

This is going to sound bad but I don't mean anything negatively.

I have a policy of being equally nice to everyone that I meet regardless of color, religion, tattooing, shoe size, or favorite power ranger. It is not always easy but it is something which I feel is right. In the past few months I have dated a few black women and they all seem to say one very similar thing. They all expressed that when we first met they were surprised that an attractive white man would be interested in them. It was the strangest thing for me to hear but these women were actually surprised that I was willing and able to see them as interesting and attractive individuals without stereotyping them because they were more tan than I am. I found this to be shocking and really rather sad. The very idea of just how rare truly open minded people are is tragic. I often forget that some other people really do believe that there are vast and important differences between people based on slight pigmentation differences.

If someone is not a closed minded, uneducated, racist then the expectations should be the same whether the person they are dating is blue, green, or purple.

Answer 3

In my own personal opinion, I don't think race should be a factor in the White professor cheating on his Black wife w/ a white female college student. It should be treated just as if they were both of the same race and he cheated w/ one of the same race. If you focus too much on the race issue, your book goes into completely different direction. From my experience w/ White Men, I find some who are interested and some who aren't just like I would w/ Black Men. I've yet to encounter any White Male who has issues w/ the Race factor and I am grateful for that. But being on the Internet, I've seen many different opinions on that!!! LOL. Either way, I don't think you should make a race issue the vocal point of your novel. In my other opinion, I should do more research on the psychological effects between Black Women and White Men spanning from Slavery.

Answer 4

perhaps the initial attraction was based on curiosity, The next attraction was founded in common interest. The third attraction might have been a sense of emptiness in her absence. The fourth and final attraction was the sense of being whole, as long as he loves her his life has a purpose, as long as she loves him her life is lived to love him equally. This is the process of love as I know it, the race of your love might complicate some issues, but so does religion or income.
the point I'm trying to make I suppose is that true love, no matter how obscure you may think, is truly blind. love is not a choice, it,s an indescribable feeling, like an addiction or an overwhelming, compulsive behavior. You cant move forward with out it.
I hope you can use something I've written in your book. and I hope you've found a publisher, I cant wait to read it.

Answer 5

There's just something exotic and mysterious about colored women. Then again, if the college professor in your novel has insecurities of his own about his wife, then perhaps a relationship with a woman of his own race may let him feel "normal".

Answer 6

I dated a light-skinned black, but i was drawn to her by her personality. She had a great sense of humor and was fun to be with.

Alas and alackaday, little did I know that i was a tool, being used by her to manipulate her boyfriend into a "fish or cut bait" scenario.

We wnet to a dance club (where he followed). I went to get some drinks and come back, only to find her and boyfriend chatting. HE makes a scene, playing the race card, although she intervenes to calm him down.

I put the drinks on the table and leave.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Maybe the guy in your book was trying to prove a point by dating a black woman. Maybe he was just trying to prove to whomever, that he was liberal; above the color line; absolutely blind to color, and therefore had no prejudices; etc, etc.

Just ideas lol

Answer 9

the black girl is a great person and she is a chalenge and has lost that spark with her "breakthrough". therefore, whitey wants something more n u got the typical horny white schoolgirl n men cant deny sex... duh.

-that white guy