OK I know. I don't plan on ever acting on my crush but it's weird. I have to work closely with him and to tell the truth I find my self making reasons to work close with him. I know it not right but in truth I see him more then I see my husband and he sees me more then he sees his wife. He always tells me that he wishes his wife was more like me and that my husband is just such a lucky man to have a wife like me. He thinks that I'm wonderful because I'm not flashy and don't like a lot of jewlery or makeup. I really don't understand his attraction. It's so weird to me. Help how do I handle this situation. I find myself liking him and well I can only thing that he might like me back. I feel like a stuppid High School Student instead of a grown woman.
2006-12-07 15:25:51 · 36 answers · asked by avonlady987321654 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss.
Q. Where do most sexual affairs begin?
A. I'd estimate that 90 percent begin on the job/husbands friend/ neighbours. The attraction starts innocently - someone "catches your eye." Next comes some small talk, followed by more "talk." Later there's an excuse to be alone—it's just a harmles contact. You share a personal problem or maybe a marital struggle, and your male friend "really understands." First there's a spark. Then an emotional affair ignites. And if the relationship grows, a sexual liaison often follows.
Remember, most men in office tend to or at least attempt to cheat and it is nothing serious, just a fling "Wham bang type", but such flings can be distraous for women.
Some sociobiologists also believe that there's a biologically driven imperative to explore outside the paired bond (marriage, usually with children) after a certain period. That amounts to a four-year itch, one that can cause those urges you feel now to wander with your eyes, your heart and even your groin. Be forewarned.
Following those drives, whether stemming from a social or animalistic tendency, can get you in plenty of hot water. Think well before you heed the mating calls and leave your roost.
I suggest you discuss this urge with a counselor who can help and guide you to determine the exact triggers within your life at this time. Maybe you and your mate owe it to yourselves to take the bull by the horns and do something about your malaise in your own bedroom. Perhaps you and your husband have fallen into old patterns of same stuff, different day, and it's worn and boring to think about sex with him. You may be going through some form of the midlife crisis and this is your antidote.
Many feel this sense of longing to go with their e r o t i c flow and try it out with other men. That's often because these people have illusions or fantasies. So try to rearrange your perceptions of those "other" men, who then could become just 'Another Husband some day whom you will long to leave for yet another pursuit of your fancies'. Instead, explore ways to find that sexy, alluring and attractive "other" right there in your own back yard.
Having fantasies is fine, as long as you don't act on them. But instead of spending your energy obsessing over your co-worker, start redirecting that energy back to your husband. For example, write a list of things you love about him. Keep the list in your desk and refer to it often.
Another good idea: Tell your husband exactly what you need from him in order to feel cherished, whether it's more cuddling and kissing or a phone call during the day to check in. Make room in your schedule for romantic evenings and fun activities. Intimacy takes time and effort to maintain, but this work is vital to keeping your relationship fresh. Don't even think about confessing your feelings to your co-worker. An office romance would be disastrous both for your marriage and your career.
Think of this as a wake-up call, not a death knell. All relationships need periodic tune-ups to avoid getting into a rut.
What can be done ? - Take some proactive steps:
1. Never meet in total privacy with someone of the opposite sex -keep the door open or cracked. Do not eat alone or sit alone for long durations with a man other than your husband or a family member. Never.
2. Establish a "no secrets" policy in your marriage. You may tell your spouse everything. Even share when you're tempted to be emotionally or mentally unfaithful. Temptation is not Sin, but a hidden Temptation can can give birth to Sin.
3. Don't share marital problems with a coworker/neighbour/ husbands friend etc People of the opposite sex. Never.
4. Be careful about how - if ever - you touch them.
5. Be ready to flee (as in quick) if caught off guard by a tempting situation or you will regret it for life.
6. Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART.
With a little effort you will be able to handle this situation.
Good Luck>r
2006-12-07 22:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by Rahul 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, this is perfectly normal for both of you.
After awhile, marriages can get a little mundane. You do the same things day in and day out. You are with the same person, maybe you don't have much excitement in the bedroom, and you may get a little bored with it all.
So a close friend, or in your case co-worker, seems mysterious and alluring. Working closely with him shows you how things "could" be between you both. You aren't around for the bad times, or seeing the negative traits. All you see is happiness, very little stress between you two, and the lack of what you don't like in your spouse. (His wife is probably high maintenance, and you aren't. So he sees you are the "better woman.") If you two were to live together for a few weeks, or months, you would find that he's not as wonderful as he seems, and he would discover the same about you.
So let your feelings run their course. Don't act on them, or let on to your husband that you feel this way. I'm sure that you will find that after a few more close working sessions, something bad will come up, and he will loose all appeal.
You might also want to try to spice up your marriage. It's a good way to remind you (and him) about why you fell in love and got married to begin with. Renewing your passion for each other can also help make your crush seem less spectacular. Whatever you've lost over the years, due to work, chores, kids, etc... can be gotten back with a little effort on your part. Cook his favorite meals, dress up just for him, put on your sexiest lingerie or nightgown when it's time for bed, etc... I'm sure your husband will appreciate your efforts, and maybe even put forth some extra effort of his own.
2006-12-07 15:38:35 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You said it not me but that is exactly what you are acting like. If you value your marriage you had best keep your mind on you work and leave this other man alone. Of course he thinks you are wonderful, why not but he is just a guy at work that sees you when you are dressed to make a good impression. Would he still think you were wonderful if he saw you when you first wake up or when you are sick? Is he going to seem so wonderful to you when you loose your marriage because of some foolish crush? Stop daydreaming about another man before it becomes a real life nightmare that destroys your life. Grow up, it's time.
2006-12-07 15:31:08 · answer #3 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember the magic word is married-you see him more that you see your husband because you work with him 8 hours a day and I suppose your husband works-some men will tell you just what you want to hear-how lucky your husband is-how beautiful you are-how good you look -until he gets what he want and then he is out of there and looking for his next victim-you have a husband that love you for who you are-cheating is cheating-even if he likes you and you like him-remember your marriage vows-other wise get ready to sign the divorce papers-because your husband will find out-because what goes on in the dark will come to the light
2006-12-07 15:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we all have gone through this at some point or another.
When you work in close proximity with someone for 8 or more hours a day, there is bound to be some kind of attraction. It's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone else in your situation as long as you never act on that attraction. I've been in this situation more than once, but i never let it be known to the guy or my husband. Eventually, feelings for this crush fizzled and things were back to normal, so to speak. It does feel good to be noticed and appreciated by others other than your spouse. It's flattering! don't feel stupid. You are only human.
2006-12-07 15:35:27 · answer #5 · answered by miyazaki75 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You simply need to grow up. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to another man. It happens quite a bit in marriages, but you have to look at it REALISTICALLY. Why is it you find him attractive? Because he compliments you. When was the last time your husband complimented yuo for being smart, or funny, or a good wife? Get your head and feet out of fantasyland and come back down to earth, it could mean keeping your job.
2006-12-07 15:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I should give you ex's email so you can get the scoop from her.
She had an affair with a coworker even as we were trying to have a child. I was madly in love with her but she still left to be with him. 6 months later she called me to tell me she was having his child.
It was the hardest thing any man can go through. Don't do that to your man. Give him the chance to fix whatever it is he's doing wrong.
On a side note, when he found out she was having his kid he told her it wasn't his and dumped her. It was all cause he wanted to have sex with her. Now 4 lives will be forever affected by it. She has called me nearly every month for 3 years to tell me she's sorry. So am I.
Please think it through.
2006-12-07 16:18:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not stupid.
You are a grown woman that has blood in her veins.
Perhaps you can channel these positive feelings to remind yourself that you have a heart, feelings and naturally most women
would feel this way especially because it is someone new that is nourishing your spirit.
You own your mind and your allowed to think as you like.No one can take that from you.
Please you have to be the strong one. I mean this man at work may want to act on his attraction towards you. You may still have the joy of the feelings you get from him at work.
Sorry, but the burden is on you to keep the situation under control and in perspective. Having a crush has no age limit.
This energy you are feeling enjoy it and maintain the control.
Do not disclose to him about your feeling. You got to face him at work and it may create an awkward situation. If any one should
show his card let him. KEEP THE ENERGY FLOWING ON YOUR TERMS.
2006-12-07 15:39:57 · answer #8 · answered by cherryl w 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have to maintain your self control. Temptation is a major reason why there are so many divorces in this world. Is there something that you and your spouse are going through at home? It is okay to have a secrest crush, but if you want to keep your husband, then keep it in your pants. It is so hard to find a good man nowadays, so if you got one hold on tight. adultery is a sin by the way and cause for divorce.
2006-12-07 15:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by choco-vanilla 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said your vows to your husband and you should respect those vows. You might want to see what you are missing in your marriage. This guy could be just wanting another play toy and will say anything and do anything to get what he wants. The grass always seems greener on the other side. Just think of it this way if he is willing to go further he might just hurt you as well in the long run.
2006-12-07 15:35:42 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋