I think my roommate is gay, how can i tell?

Question

i'm currently maltriculated in a university and i was placed with a room mate who i suspect is homosexual. first off, i have no problems with the gay and lesbian community, but i have my suspicions about my room mate and possibly his desires concerning myself. late at night i have been awoken by him just staring at me, which i find very strange. we have gotten drunk a few times and he constantly touches me and my friends in a "gropping" fashion. he never really talks about girls also. do you think this is typical homosexual behavior or is my room mate just "too" friendly and strange.

Answer 1

humm...don't report your roommate if he really isn't FREAKING you out. Do tell him bluntly that you don't like it when he stares, joking aside, just let him know. No need to screw up someones reputation.

Just ask him, but be polite. Sometimes it takes one gay question to get a dude to wake up and realize what he does. It did for me.

and by the way, I have a hard time seeing any college honor a roommate change request on the basis of "he looks at me while I sleep and might be gay" because it can be seen as discriminatory and can get the college in trouble.

LOL, not a dude by the way.

Answer 2

Maybe he's in a frat. I hear those are usually pretty gay. I mean, they even get paddles - what's up with that?

If you want to know so bad whether your roommate is gay, the best thing to do is to ask him directly and hope he gives you an honest answer. Chances are that one of two things will happen:

1. If he says he isn't gay, it means he's either straight or at least semi-closeted. Either way, he'll feel horribly embarrassed and insecure, and maybe even offended. You'll probably feel pretty awkward for reading him wrong, and you should apologize, but also say something disarming, "That's cool, it's no big deal whether you are or not."

If he asks, "Why did you think I was gay?" you could tell him that you thought you've noticed him staring at you from his bed, and that he tends to be physically affectionate with you and your friends. And if you're one for flattery you might add something like, "You also have such amazing grooming habits - no, really! - that I thought maybe you were gay."

Whatever happens, he'll probably be so mortified that his sexuality could be openly questioned that he'll stop looking at or touching you at all after that.

For extra credit, you might also ponder whether your suspicions about your roommate's sexuality were rooted in your own sexual insecurities or an unconscious need/wish to feel attractive to others.

2. If your roommate comes out to you as gay, let him know that you're fine with it. Let him know that you've never lived with a gay person before and that you hope it'll be a cool diversity experience. Leave it at that. Hopefully he'll get the point that you only want to be friends, nothing more.

But if he continues to stare, or touch you and your other friends in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it's time to set some boundaries. Remind him that you you're not used to sexual attention from other males, and that you feel uncomfortable when he watches you while you sleep or when he tries to cop a drunken feel. If the problem continues, contact your Resident Advisor for mediation. If that fails, see if you can get another room.

Many women encounter unwanted sexual attention from men on a regular basis, and it may feel very uncomfortable having the tables turned. But just as you would not want a woman to blow her stack because you looked at her the wrong way, you should not overreact just because you think your roommate might be giving you the eye.

Be firm, but be a gentleman. He is probably no threat to you, as very few straight men are ever raped by a gay man. On the other hand, plenty of gay men are victimized by straight men every year. By all logic, he has more to fear from you.

That being said, take care that you do not inadvertently encourage his unwanted behavior. Just as many straight men misinterpret friendly gestures from women as sexual advances (e.g., "She smiled at me! She must want me so bad!"), it's possible that your roommate might misinterpret locker-room behavior such as dropping your towel as an opportunity to gaze. And even then he may just be more curious than anything else.

Good luck. With tactful communication, mindfulness, and sensitivity, I'm sure this misunderstanding can be put to rest.

Answer 3

Your room mate, and his sexuality are a thing that he is probably struggeling enough with on his own... If it makes you uncomfortable then talk to him about it. But recognise, that you in your own way may be very weird to him! LOL. Let me just share that when i shared a room i always slept with clothes on or changed in the bathroom. I have privacy issues, and was hard put to find a way to over come them, with those around me teasing, and laughing. More than anything... he probably just needs you to be understanding, and give him space. You both need space to grow and be yourselves. If he's gay/bi, and wants you, i'm sure that he'll eventually tell you, and you can politely turn him down then. Until that happens, it is none of your business. Have a great Weekend, and Thank you !!! For asking a question, instead of making blind assumptions and accusations - they can hurt those around you, and put mud on your face, lol

Answer 4

"Staring at you while you are sleeping" does it for me... Except if that person is already my lover.. or my mom. Lol. It's just way too freaky. The touching cannot really be ascertained as to what the intention is, so don't think too much of it. But if you're feeling uncomfortable, you can always ask your dorm manager to transfer you, quote "staring at you while you are sleeping" and say that it scares you out of your wits. Hey, your dorm manager would not want your blood on his hands in case that guy is a psycho.

Answer 5

It's not unusual to be friendly in that manner with some guys but it does sound possible with the staring and groping together. He may be shy about going to places to meet guys which is why he is testing you and your friends to see if any of you are gay. Let him come out on his terms and politely tell him you are not interested if you are not.

Answer 6

Ask, if you just have to know. Your question and your attitude seem a bit suspect to me, by the way. "Typical homosexual behavior"? Come on.

Answer 7

it sure sounds like it. But have compassion and spare him any trouble - Remember the next roomie might be much, much worse!!!!!

You never know. !!!!! this guy doesn't sound all that bad. he's harmless and just socially awkward.

if you switch roomies, you may regret it if you get paired with some Neanderthal jock. who smokes, drinks, and farts all night. some obnoxious creep might be next.

A MiddleEastern proverb says it best: "WE PREFER THE EVIL WHICH WE ARE FAMILIAR WITH - RATHER THAN THE GOOD WHICH WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!!!"


Think it over carefully.

Answer 8

he is probably gay if he touches you in a groping way...don't accuse him of being gay, but maybe next time he does something like that, tell him (be tactful, where there's no one around to hear your conversation, it will embarrass him, i guess just be considerate even though he hasn't been towards you)
...hey man, i really don't care if you're gay or not, however, could you refrain from touching me by my crotch...i'm sorry if this has been happening on accident...but maybe next time also don't stare at me in the middle of the night because i can't get back to sleep when i notice you staring at me...good luck...

Answer 9

things that you dont want to happen, wont happen.
the question here is, you like it o not. if you like it, it is ok, you need to see through you and decide what is next, if you do not like it, talk to him as friends what you are noticing and try to understand that boys and girls are always looking for love in their own ways.
attraction or love is like that, sometinh human that people talk.

Answer 10

Have you considered asking him? He may still be trying to figure it all out. As long as he knows that you think you aren't everything should be fine.