How do you just stop thinking and put it to rest?

Question

I am not a child, a grown lady. I have pride in myself. After a 5 year relationship realizing more than ever now I was so used, how do you put this to rest in your own mind? I never allow things to consume me, this is. I feel like such a fool. I gave out of compassion and love. When he needed help I was the only one willing to stand by him. This is a man that is 60 not 16! I understand he is a user now, I understand he manipulated. I get the full picture. How do you successfully close this chapter of your life and move forward. Why do I feel like I need to tie him to a tree and speak everything on my mind. I feel like closure is not possible until I am able to penetrate him where by I know he heard every word and it cut him like a knife. Then I will know he understands the pain he causes by this game he plays. Any honest real suggestions. I have written a letter but he is jackass enough to toss it in the garbage without reading it. If I would call and go off he would only hang up! HELP

Answer 1

My dear lady, I am so sorry to hear your heart feels as if it was stepped on & your trust broken. I have been where you are, seen my close coworker in the exact position with a man who was a "user & addict". While in a perfect world, your letter, words & pain would make a difference to this man & give you the apology you deserve & return all the loss you feel you've been given. But sadly it's not...but that doesn't mean you can't move forward. I have sat next to my deskmate, who allowed a man for 15 yrs ruin her dreams of children, marriage, financial stabilty, esteem & happiness. Yet all the attempts she's made at moving forward have been ruined by Herself holding on to what she's lost, and the pain he left behind. Though it appears hard right now to "Let go".... you really must for YOUR SAKE. I think the Letter is GREAT....but you will need to Burn it to get some actual satisfaction. Make ritual to get rid of the bad memories he left behind, and make things new. Remember life before him...well there was, as there will be (I PROMISE) a life AFTER him. My deskmate often looks to God for help, and while it seemed a brave & noble effort - she Fails to Open her hands and Let Go of the pain so that the Universe can give her what she deserve. She often dwells on Who is Driving her Crazy...when the problem is she's letting Other's Drive her Life, when only YOU should. Now is the time for YOU... focus on the fact that even though you were Hurt so terribly this time, You were blessed with the capacity to Love, have compassion & loyalty defying most odds. Ok now you know your limits for the future but If you dwell in Hate, he will have won by taking away the Best Parts of you. Now he doesn't deserve that does he? HELL NO! In this life, as I know it we are meant to be Teachers & students to those that pass through our lives (lucky enough for those that remain). I know that deep in His heart, though shadowed by selfishness, he learned a great deal from you & his appreciation for your Gifts made him Let you go in the only way he knew how. But until he hits rock bottom or reaches the Otherside, he will not be able to appreciate you.

There is a world out there of Wonderful People for you to share your love with in all sorts of ways & You need to find people to talk with & Hobbies or Outings that Re-fill you with Love and not Anger. I would try quieting yourself down & writing a letter of Forgiveness to yourself for allowing him to take such control and burn it together with the letter to him. Forgive my ramblings but I if I could get my deskmate to even hear one word, as I know you are right now - She can have the life she so richly deserves ...just like YOU DO & well that is just worth it to me & Hell I'm a Goddess....just like you!

Answer 2

Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer? Whether you're religious or not, when you start dwelling on your past relationship, say, "GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE." Also, you need to change your thought pattern. Make a list of things you need to do - pleasant things. Perhaps, you need to bake cookies for your family or a neighbor, watch a tv show, buy a birthday card for a friend, etc. Then, write down those things on your list. When you start dwelling on the negative things and the bad relationship, look at your list and change your thoughts to other things you need to do. You might have to look at that list 20 or 30 times each day, and it may take a week or more, but you'll notice a big difference and start moving on with your life. And, don't be afraid to get counseling. If you have no insurance, call the County in which you live and they may have a mental health clinic. Good luck!

Answer 3

Oh my goodness, my dear don't think about it. It is over now and they did suffer at least 15 minutes if it was done slowly for the juggler vein is in the neck. but if it is done quick it is less time to suffer. However it is very wrong and sinful, therefore don't stress yourself and say a prayer for those involved. And what you and most of the world over here in America does not realize is that they do that all the time in those countries, Turkey cuts your hand off for stealing and the next time you are executed. So you see it is pretty common to amputate in those third world Muslim countries. They are really inhumane and yet we are safe here so relax. Good Luck and try to think about something else turn on some music or comedy. That will help you.

Answer 4

Remember what goes around, comes around-he may have used you-but someone will use him,they will open his nose so wide that a max truck will be able to go through both nostrils-remember when that happen you will be the woman he will want to talk to about what happen to him-just remember that if he did it to you once he will do it to you again-don't be a fool twice for the same man-you don't want to forget what he did to you-because if you forget you will take him back-we all make mistakes-you are not the first and you will not be last-love hurt-but when the crying stops he will look like Ned in the first reader-forget him-he did you a favor by leaving-now he is another woman's problem-good riddance to a bad problem-write what you want to say to him and the day he comes to you give him the letter along with the words BYE BABY BYE-wrong woman and wrong house-see ya

Answer 5

It's that old saying " every dog has there day " and believe me he will have his !! Men like him have no soul or compassion for anyone but themselves. You are certainly not a fool, he is just a very good manipulator and he knows exactly what to say and do to get what he wants. I am sure that he probably read your letter but would not let on to you that he had read it or certainly not what he thought about it. Don't call him as that would only let him know that he was getting to you. As much as it is hurting you, never let him know as it will only play into his hands. I'm sure you have a picture of this moron, perhaps you could put it up and say what you are feeling to his picture, pretend it is him. It might help to get all your hurt and anger out. There are a lot of men and women around like him, unfortunately you had to fall for one of them.You are right about calling, DON"T call him, he will get great pleasure out of hanging up in your ear. Guys like him think they can do whatever they please regardless of who gets hurt in the process. Take pleasure in knowing though, it may take a long time but it will come back to haunt him eventually !! Try to put this jerk out of your mind and move on. He is not worth another thought. I wish you lots of strength and luck. BE HAPPY !!

Answer 6

The best thing to do is first forgive yourself for any transgressions that you may have committed against him and then you just forgive him. I know it sounds a lot easier than it really is, but it worked for me. I gave a man three years of my life and even carried his child (God rest her soul), and he did nothing but take from me emotionally.

After I finally got the strength to actually walk away from him, instead of going off and giving him a piece of my mind, I decided to forgive him because he is only human. It took a lot out of me because I was angry with him, but after a few weeks, I noticed the urge to kill him was gone.

He realized that he made many mistakes and that is where I got and get my satisfaction because I have moved on and didn't allow the hurt to consume my life.

Talking to him isn't going to do anything but drain your energy and waste time on someone that maybe you should have never given so much to. We all make mistakes in love and sometimes you just have to chalk it up as an experience and learn from it.

Remember: It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Answer 7

Your on your way. You have taken the first step by writing the letter to him. You don't need to send it. Read though it, it is truthful and how you feel that should be good enough for you. He no longer has you in his life and that will be his lose. We all are angry after a break up and need time to heal. If you let it consume you it will only make you feel worse. And that does nothing for you. Don't waste anymore time on him and letting him zap your energy. Good luck in love and life.

Answer 8

Wow...sorry about you're situation. Nothing you can say will ever hurt this man. I have an ex that I'd love to do the same thing to, but she feels justified in what she does. Owed even. I bet this man feels the same way. Cut your losses, move on, and wait for the karma police.

Answer 9

write the letter anyway. your are assuming that he won't read the letter. but that is just it ,an assumption. send it anyway. if he read it then you have your point across if he doesn't how would you know. if you are looking for a response, for get it. if he is as ornery as you say he is, forget it.the object of the letter is to get your feelings out in the open. like i suggested send it anyway. good luck.

Answer 10

Hon, you sound a little bit crazy. If he want talk to you on the phone or read your letters, you should realize he ain't gonna talk to you period. It may hurt, but why would you want to make sense out of it anyway?