I understand I can't replace their mother, nor do I want to ..but how can I get accepted...
2006-12-07 14:20:26 · 17 answers · asked by J-LUV 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yeah you can't really replace their mom but you can be good and better...just be natural....be like a sister or aunt to them...and be outgoing! don't wait for them to approach you, do the first move...
2006-12-07 14:25:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, hope I can help. My husband was in the same boat your in I have a 9 year old and a 8 year old from my first marriage and he tried everything and now I told him to be his self because for him being his self is what made me fall in love with and same with you and your boyfriend so my two boys loves him as much or even more then their real dad do things with them let them know that your not here to replace their mother that no one can but your hoping to be apart of their life also and show them you care and your there for whatever reason they need you for mainly don't try to be someone your not my hubby tried and it didn't work just be someone they can trust and I promise everything will work out for the best I know it wont be easy but this takes time and I wish you all the luck and I really hope I helped!!
2006-12-07 22:31:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its a good idea to discipline them ever( until you and your boyfriend get married) take it to your boyfriend but make sure you let some things go and when you do ,do it obviously (to the kids) and best thing to do is find something where your boyfriend is saying hes not sure if he wants his kids to do something and in front of them disagree with you boyfriend and take their side but do it discretely so you dont offend you boy friend like for instance your boyfriend say to the sixteen year old I dont want you to go to this party and you say well honey what if she takes a trust worthy friend and she calls every hours and she only spends 3 hours at the party if he says no thats ok they still see you tried and that wins you jumbo points- thats just a example but yeah
2006-12-07 22:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by linda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several factors that you have to consider. One, you are dealing with teenagers. Most children may always carry a small resentment toward you because you aren't their mother. I am not sure what happened with her. If I were you, I'd take just them three out one night...a movie...a burger..something to that extent. Tell them that you care for their father and you care for them as well ,tell them while you know you cant replace their mom, you would love to become friends with them. Start from there. Just be nice and I know it will be hard but try to be understanding. It may take them a while to adjust.
Good luck!
2006-12-07 22:35:42 · answer #4 · answered by ~Shelly~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not try to be their "friend", you are an authority figure. Lace your words and actions with kindness and have a lot of patience. Try not to be judgmental. It worked well for me. My stepkids were 15, 17 & 19 when I married their Dad. They comment now (the oldest just turned 40) that they felt so comfortable around me because I didn't judge or chastise them. I may not have agreed with them always, but I explained why or why not and we accepted each other for who we were.
Good luck!
p.s. I also have 3 adorable step grandkids!!
2006-12-07 22:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, be yourself. There is no way this is not going to be awkward with teenagers. If they will talk to you ask them open ended questions about themselves. What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? etc. Do NOT ask them about things they obviously do NOT want to talk about, things that would be parent oriented like grades (unless they bring it up first) or "let me see your room" or things like that. Their Dad can give you some clues. If they are into sports go WITH their Dad to the games but do not talk sports unless you KNOW what you are talking about. Getting accepted may take a long time and may never come, but you are not dating the boys and they will eventually accept you even if it is reluctantly. The main thing that may prevent success soon has to do with WHY their mother is not around. Death is one thing. . . divorce is another thing entirely. Do NOT expect them to trust you for a long time. If you earn their trust you are in.
Take your time and enjoy the adventure.
2006-12-07 22:28:14 · answer #6 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, they probably won't like you at first but you'll grow on them. Just try your best I guess and since it's upcoming Christmas get them presents. You'll grow on them eventually and if it seems like they don't like you they probably do or don't, but don't really worry about it. When I was 16 and my mom re-married I didn't even know the guy but I kinda didn't care, but all he did was whine and tell my mother he thought we didn't like him. That made me not like him as much :P, but anyways. Just be nice but not too nice to make it like you're trying hard to earn their trust. Hope this helps
To the first one maybe do something with the 12 year old, but when I was 16 I didn't really like hanging out with my step-dad/parents unless it was a family thing. Board games are cool tho :D
2006-12-07 22:26:21 · answer #7 · answered by Meow2The3rd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be sweet. Maybe give them presents for Christmas. Try to make them understand you could never replace their mother, but really love their father and are willing to be friends with them.
2006-12-07 22:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by ♥MsCullen♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be yourself and don't try so hard.
And, don't be disappointed if no matter what you do, they never like you. Sometimes it just happens that way. I've got 5 step kids...I would say that 4 out of the 5 love me, the 1, well, I don't think she can stand me...and I'm O.K. with that.
2006-12-07 22:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put youself into their shoes & imagine what you would be expecting from a galfriend of your father. The important points to be considered.
1. Why are you their in their fathers life. is it because his wife is no more? or
2. He has an extra marital affair? or
3. They have seperated, if so what were the reasons.
you would be yourself able to understand, what do they expect from you.
2006-12-07 22:38:28 · answer #10 · answered by akela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to accept that it will take time. They might never like you they are kids they have there own mind. If you are nice to them they should be nice to you and then they might let you in there hearts. DO NOT PUSH THINGS the more yo push the harder they will push you away.
2006-12-07 22:28:26 · answer #11 · answered by Carissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋