very complicated question, it is long but i need help bad please read...?

Question

me and my husband have been going through some really bad times for about a year now He always thinks that i am cheating on him. so last sat he asked to see my phone and when i said no he bent my arm and took it and broke it... about two months ago i broke his phone and i went to jail for 3 days so i called the cops on him this time and he being a firefighter knows all the cops and when they were called out they just let him go even though i had marks all over me. he was told to stay away for 24 hrs but he came back about 2:30am really drunk and started yelling at me so i used his fire radio and called the cops again he then took off befor they arrived and he has all his guys at the station saying that he was never at my house. because if he was the chief said that he would be fired. so everyone that really doesnt know thinks that i am lying just to get him fired i have always supported his job...now i an too ashamed to go to the station or to the xmas party and i really feel cheated.

he didnt break my arm but twisted it really hard and i am not so worried about the xmas party...why is it that i am made to feel shame when i am the one telling the truth they heard one side of the story and they are going to all believe their man. i am looked on like the crazy wife when i was the one supporting him in the first place.

Answer 1

GET OUT B4 IT GETS WORSE!!!
FILE 4 DIVORCE...SKIP TOWN...START A NEW LIFE SOMWHERE WHERE U WILL NO LONGER BE ABUSED! FIND A NEW MAN THAT WILL TRUELY LOVE U!

Answer 2

well hun, you are in quite a predicament! to first address the issues of abuse. You MUST look into anger management and/or counseling. you have to find other ways to communicate your frustrations other than physically. next the cheating issue? are you? if not then i would say that again counseling would be in your best interest. men that feel their spouses are cheating feel deep seated insecurity's and/or are projection their own bad behaviors in an attempt to earn trust. bottom line is that counseling is the only thing that may help you guys make it. and last but not least going to the Christmas party may be a little awkward but if you wanna go and he wants you to go, go! it doest matter what he's said it's human nature to believe your friends but its more primal to smell the victim. there are tell tale signs of abusive situations that anyone with training with pick up on. if is so called "friends" have his back they are people you know will never have yours and you should probably stay out of that kind of situation as a whole. i hope you can work this out. i was in a very similar situation, it took allot of strength and support but after a lenghty divorce and a year or so i am so excited about my new life and my new man anything that i endured in my relationship was worth what i have now. good luck keep your head up. Lillie

Answer 3

Forget about the stupid party! If he is the one insisting on you going, then go so all his "friends" can see what kind of shape you are in. Like someone said, those people have been trained to recogonize someone that is being abused. If they choose to ignore it then so be it. Let him continue to lie and fool them. They will eventually see the truth. In fact, I wouldn't even wait for the party. LEAVE HIM! Pack your stuff and go. I've been in an abusive relationship before. Actually, two bad relationships. Things never got better. All the promises and sorries were false. Get out of there before he kills you.

As for him accusing you of cheating, it's his projection of himself on to you. I was always being accused of cheating and wouldn't you know it, his sorry *** was the one doing it!

When he goes to work, start packing your stuff and leave before he gets home. Go to your parents, a friend, anywhere. Don't leave a note (sometimes people don't think and do that and are found). It will be hard, especially if you feel you love him. But it is for your own safety. If you have kids, pack their stuff and take them with you.

I suggest moving out of town. Then if he comes to you, call the police in that town and they can take him away. He won't have buddies in that station. All they know is what they see at the time they arrive.

Answer 4

after all that, you'd want to go to a party that he might be at? take a minute and really think about the fact that you two need some time to mend and be away from each other until you can get a handle on your emotions. things will not work out at all with this much stress, lying, and embarrassment between the two of you. went you feel time enough has passed meet in a public place,not a party, where you both must be civil to another and really put in an effort to talk.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear that things happened that way. Sometimes the stress of life causes people to start thinking that people are cheating or other stuff. Stress, and the aging process does that from time to time. See if the two of you can set up an appointment with a counselor. This will help fix things. Remember, think good things and don't let negative vibes ruin your relationship. Keep thinking positive and help each other through this. Then, you will be closer and more in love than ever.

Answer 6

You need to run as fast as you can out of this situation. Its not going to get any better. He now knows he can get away with it because he has the police on his side. He basically has an open invitation to abuse you. You also need to document the marks on your body and go to the District Attorney and place your own charges stating exactly what you did above. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully you can try to get witness to him showing up when he isn't suppose to be there, get a PFA the judge isn't going to care who his friends are in the police force or if he is a firefighter. Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

Go up in the chain of command. If you really want to get this squared away go talk to the fire chief or marshall. If and only if you want it to be over or want them to know. No sense in going to tell them if you are going to stay with him b/c he might get demoted or fired then that will be less money in your house. Do you have children? The best thing is to seperate for awhile or if you can't make it, don't fake it; go ahead and end it b/f it gets any worse.

Answer 8

If he is abusive to you, then you should leave him.. No one deserves that... He's obviously on a power trip with the job that he has and the friends that he has on the police force.. You need to get out of there. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 yrs and I'm so happy now that I got away from it.. And with him drinking only makes it worse.. You have to do for your self, and only worry about yourself.. and your children if you have any.. Good luck dear.... I wish you the best..

Answer 9

sweetie, you're in a bad and abusive relationship. and I hate to say this, but it will probably continue to get worse. you're in danger. this man not only has law enforcement on his side, but I bet he's strong as a horse too. and next time your arm might not just get twisted, even though that's bad enough, it could get broken, or worse. don't be ashamed, and don't feel bad, you're not the one who hurt him. and don't wait around until he does permanent damage to you or kills you. get out now, and let people think whatever they want to. if you stay, I'm sure they will all eventually see that he was the crazy, abusive one, but you could be dead by then. it's not worth it to stay. you really need to find a safe place to go to. please don't worry about what others think. just take care of yourself, and do what you have to do in order to be safe.
I sincerely wish you the best

Answer 10

It sounds like going to the xmas party is the least of your worries. I would be more concerned about my safety. It also sounds like the violence in your relationship is escalating--on both sides. Stop now and reconsider what you are doing with this person before the violence gets really bad. You need to get out now before it is too late.

Good luck!

Answer 11

You have a bigger issue than going to the station or the Christmas party! You have an abusive, controlling husband.

You need to take a look at your relationship and make some decisions.