What Do You Think Of Mentally Challanged People Starting Families?

Question

I'm aquantances with a mentally challanged guy. He's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but then he's not totally 'fried' or whatever you want to call it.

He mutilates himself, mostly with knives, drinks heavily, I think he smokes pot sometimes which is probably the only reason he's in special ed, and he also continuously threatens suicide, threatens to shoot up the school and has held a knife to his step dads throat.

I think over all, the guy is just mentally unstable. But legally, he is considered mentally challanged/retarded, but last a few weeks ago, he just started going on and on about him wanting his girlfriend (which is also considered mentally challanged) to have his baby, and he's 17, just got his first job, which is minimum wage, and it doesn't look like he's graduating soon.

I hate to say it, because I'm normally understanding of differences, but I really don't like the idea of people considered mentally challanged having kids. What is your opinion?

Answer 1

I have an uncle that's extremely slow. He married a woman who is also slow. She's now a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids, and he's a welder. They don't understand how to budget or save money, so they're always hitting my mom up for money and food. And it's not like my mom's going to ever *not* give them milk for their kids, so the cycle continuously repeats. They have lived in 6 different places in the last 10 years, twice with my mom for months on end. Because they never learned how to properly take care of themselves, their children have behavioral problems and have problems socializing with other children in school.

Here's an excerpt from Wednesday's Dear Abby:

ARE YOU READY FOR PARENTHOOD?

(1) Can you support the child financially? Children are expensive. I always urge people to complete their education and delay parenthood until they are self-supporting, in case they should find themselves in the role of sole provider.

(2) Can you support the child emotionally? Babies are cute, but they are also completely helpless and emotionally needy. While some young women say they want a baby so they'll have someone to love them, the reality is it's the parent's responsibility to love and sacrifice for the child. In plain English, this means the end of a normal teenage social life because babies are extremely time-consuming.

(3) Are you prepared to be a consistent parent? Children learn by example -- both good and bad. Are you prepared to be a role model for the behaviors you want your child to mimic? Because mimic they do. They learn more from what they observe than what they're told.

(4) Have you read up on child development? Are your expectations of what a child should be able to accomplish as he or she reaches various chronological milestones realistic? Ditto for your partner, whether or not he or she is the child's biological parent.

(5) Are you prepared to put someone else's needs before your own for the next 18 to 21 years? Remember, babies can't be returned to the manufacturer for a refund if you're not 100 percent satisfied. Sometimes they come with serious challenges. Can you cope with those realities?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, I strongly advise postponing parenthood.

Answer 2

I think it is based on an indivdual basis. This guy is only seventeen but when he is thirty may be more mature. Some people thing the mentally challenged are so different. Look at some of the things you listed he does. They are things a 17-21 year old might do. The drinking and smoking pot. The suicide and anger issues are the reason he is concidered mentally challenged. His reasoning mechanism doesn't work. I think that people who are mentally and physically challenged can have kids if they are independent enough to be responsible. They could teach the child things that others may not be able to. I have noticed that people with mental and physical disabilities usually don't have the bounderies society puts on people to judge and they could teach that child to love more with an open heart. There are pros and cons to the situation. I think the benefits the child would recieve in an environment where they don't learn predjudices and judgements out weighs the the cons. Of course safety would be the number one issue but if the couple is independent enough or has the support they need there is no reason they couldn't.

Answer 3

No one should have children at the age of 17. However, when he is a little older, it would need to be determined whether or not he would be a good father. How does he treat children now? Is he responsible? A child can change someone's life for the better. It can make them more responisble and compassionate.

As for the child, it would most likely not be mentally challenged if the mother is normal. I don't know if this is absolutely correct (it's more of an educated guess), but I believe that mental retardation is caused by a genetic mutation / an abnormal gene that is passed on to the child from the parents. I am also pretty sure that mental retardations are caused by a recessive gene (allele), so if only one parent has two recessive alleles (the mentally challenged one) and the mother has two dominant genes, the child will not be challenged, no matter what. If the mother has one dominant and one recessive allele for the trait, then the child has a 50% chance of being challenged.

Overall, though, once he is old enough, has a stable enough job and is gentle toward children, I believe it would be anyone's right and blessing to have a child if they possess those traits. I believe he will mature as time goes on... Let's face it, MOST guys are not mature until they are over 21 anyway.

Hopes this helps!

Answer 4

Allright - I think you answered part of the question yourself. You said he was 'mentaly unstable'. I don't believe that by law he is considered 'mentally challenged' but perhaos 'mantally ill'. Because, there is a HUGE difference.

Mentally Challenged can go one of three ways. 1) To describe a student who is challenged when it comes to certain subjects. 2) To describe *this is the main reason you are mixing it up with* a person who has been handi capped since birth. 3) A Mentally Ill person is not the same as any of these two. They have either been pushed into Mental Illness, by events occuring in their lives (deaths, rapes, basically anything life - altering) or are just Mentally Unstable.

Clearly this man is Mentally Unstable & Ill. I do not think in this case that he should be looking to start a family, and perhaps should look into getting help, not a child.

But, there are many, many, many happy families out there in which there are children, who grow up to be better people, I believe because they are more aware then the rest of us are, as well as less judging.

As well, it is proven that by having a mental disibility, you can pass it on to your children, but certainly not any more then you or I could. The chances of having a retarded baby are not any higher with a mentally challenged couple.

I really suggest the movie 'I Am Sam'. It was one of the best movies I have ever seen, and if nothing will help you see that not all 'mentally challenged/retarded/ill/unstable' people do not make horrible parents, nothing will.

Then begs the question, if you were going to have a child, and scientists had a way of figuring out if your child was mentally ill, and it was, would you keep that child?

Personally, Yes. I would. I believe everything has a right too life - no I am not a pro-life, non-abortionist activist, I'm just a person who cares.

I do not call people retards, gay or 'f*d in the head' because I fully understand the reasoning behind these words,and I think it is something everyone should be educated on more.

But, after getting a little off topic, I firmly do not believe this person is Mentally Challenged, but that he is Mentally Ill, from what you have stated. He needs to get help, and I think it's time someone stepped up and got him some.

Hope this lets you know a little more, and next time you hear of a couple that's mentally challenged having a baby, that you will be happy for them, not worry for the sake of the child.

Answer 5

No. They can be great babysitters, though.

Reason I think it's a bad idea is, they are unable to answer so many questions that a child may have. Also, there is a such thing as retardation caused by environment. Depending on how 'slow' the adult is, they may not be able to provide the intellectual stimulation necessary to help the child reach it's potential. Or even approach it, for that matter.

There are also genetic disorders which cause mental retardation. These disorders are of course passed on from parent to child, in many cases. Another reason I'm against it.

Of course , anyone who is mentally unstable is potentially dangerous to a child. The fellow you speak of doesn't sound like a fit potential parent.


That's all I got. Be well.

Answer 6

i would say he needs some professional help. and smoking pot has nothing to do with him bein in special ed. if that's the case i should be but my iq is way above most health professionals. i also drink. i think if they get the help they need and become stable mentally then it's fine. but only under the understanding their kids may have chemical imbalances. it's not a gaurantee it will be passed down. my son has a chemical imbalance because there are a couple people on my side of the family that have some issues (anxiety depression) and my ex husband (his father) has a chemical imbalance. but my daughter is fine with no problems what so ever. it sounds like he needs a really good doctor who has a lot of patience. i caught my son's issues early and he's being treated with medications. you would never know that there is anything wrong with him.

Answer 7

I want to be a parent when i grow up some more because i am 22 but more like a 10 year old mentally, and mind as a child.I have mild mental retardation and i am a loving,kind , and sweet person, i love kids.

Answer 8

I don't think mentally challenged individuals should reproduce, for several reasons. Not only is intelligence heritable, and it seems unfair to have a child that has a very high chance of being challenged as well, it is questionable wether or not someone that is mentally challenged is capable of raising a child properly.

In the case of this individual, he is clearly not even close to being fit enough to be a parent.

Answer 9

I think they shouldn't have kids because their kids might turn out mentally challenged as well and if they don't and are fine CPS might take the kids away and put the kids in foster care because of the fact that the parents are mentally challenged.

Answer 10

Personally I believe mentally challenge people should be able to have families when they can handle it, This person that you are speaking of is waaay out of control especially with doing harm to himself as well as substance abuse. Those are the type of folk that need children around them as much as any "normal" crack head would . NOT!!!!