Are Americans capable of staying with another person for life anymore?

Question

I am 25. As I look at myself and my friends relationships I see more and more that people are less commited to maintaining a healthy relationship with their partners. I see TV shows like OC and Real World that are not showing young people good morals. Cheating is becoming rampant and it's not just men doing it anymore. It's cool to do it now. Look at the divorce rate in this country. 50% in 1997. And that's in 1997! Why? Is it laziness? Or is it because America has become a temporary society where people use other people while they meet their needs and throw them away for the next best thing that comes along?

Answer 1

I think it is laziness in part. As a society, I think that we are getting distracted from our goals and relationships by false advertisements. As we are developing more and are technologically advancing, we are also becoming a society of "right now". You see commercials and advocating of "miracle weight loss pill", "lose 30 lbs in 30day", and you realize that people want a quick fix. We are seduced by quick results and we simply are not willing to work, (not all of us) for long lasting results. We want results right now.
I think the same thing we yearn for in our relationships. We all want the "perfect relationship" like we want the "perfect body", yet we are willing to take shortcuts, while cheating to get what we want. When we realize, that people are complex beings with feelings and both "good and bad" in them, we give up and move on to the next person, believing that we'll eventually find the "perfect one". We want someone to accept us as we are, yet we are unwilling to accept any shortcomings, because our society tells us it is what we deserve. We advocate truth, yet we are afraid of it. Lost is the respect for another human being, as we seek perfection. People seek perfection, because they lack it in themselves or because they are so gullible as to believe, if they find perfection their lives will be problem free. There is no such place.......Maybe we're becoming more shallow as a society, maybe...don't know for sure or maybe more of us are becoming
paralyzed with fear and unwilling to be hurt, so we hurt others...
On the other hand, despite the impression that more and more people are becoming these consumer machines, there are those of us who seek the faithful and the loving; who are faithful and loving and who believe in monogamy. Those of us willing to work for a relationship, willing to fight for it. We accept those we love as they are and we build our lives around the differences between our partners and ourselves. It might seem like there's less of us, but I think we are actually growing.....So, I think that we are capable of staying with one person for the rest of our lives....

Answer 2

There are still lots of long-time commitments going on here. My husband and I will celebrate 25 years in April. I don't know if this is just an American problem...I am no expert on the divorce rate of other countries, but I know that society in general in getting into the idea that relationships should be equal and good for both parties and, if it isn't, than those parties should not feel pressured to stay together. In some ways, it might be better going back to a very anceint system of "marriage" were all relations were a degree of marriage of one kind or another, therefore, there was no such thing as an illegitamate child and there was no stigma on either party (but esp. the woman) if the marriage dissolved for whatever reason. The ancient Celts believed in renewable marriage vows and contracts that lasted either one year or five years, at the end of each time, each person would evaluate whether or not to stay together. It was a good system, very equal in its dealings with everyone and allowed for "no fault" divorce as well as immediate repudiation of a relationship in the face of abuse, etc.

Answer 3

Considering that I have attended 2 50th wedding anniversary celebrations in the past month, I would have to say yes, it's possible.

Unfortunately, we have become a disposable society in many ways. People want a quick fix, instant gratification.

When you marry, it is all fresh and new. Then suddenly you wake up one morning and wonder why you married the person lying next to you. A few rough patches, money problems and people run to the divorce lawyer.

The sad thing is that you can work through the rough parts and end up with an even stronger relationship, but this takes time. And one morning you wake up - look at them and realize that you love them even more than the day you married.

Having said this, I'm divorced. Some things can't be fixed, no matter how much you want it to work or how hard you try.

Answer 4

Well, your first problem is believing TV is real in any way...:)

I've been married 16 years to the same woman. I can't foresee any situation that would cause me to leave her, or her to leave me. We're in it to stay.
So yes, we're capable. But it's *hard* -- even when everything is going well, it's still hard, and you have to work at it. Yeah, I guess laziness is a factor, unwillingness to do that hard work to make it last. But honestly -- before divorce became "acceptable," there were a lot of couples that stayed together their whole lives who absolutely HATED each other. The only reason they didn't divorce is because divorce was unacceptable. Despite what it does to kids, I truly believe the situation is better now -- if two people can't stand to be together anymore, they shouldn't be. They're almost always happier if they divorce and move on. Why is that a bad thing? I don't think it is, I think they're better off.
I don't actually think we humans were meant to be with one person our whole lives. That so many pull it off is testament to the influential power of society. That half of those people now feel free to acknowledge the truth and get divorced is testament to more rights for women, and an increased sense that we should be free of artificial reasons (mainly religion) to stay in a hateful marriage. All good things :)

Answer 5

It is called being a disposable society. In other words we can now marry in haste and divorce at leisure. That has not always been the case. Plus our socities mores in general have degenerated to the point where as you say people will be with something or someone only until they see a lawn with greener looking grass. Are we capable of maintaining long term relationships? Yes. Are we willing? That is open for debate.

Answer 6

Maybe there aren't 5 million people that agree with your assertion. Maybe the poll driven media is wrong about the view of the war by the American public. Just like the poll in Iraq that says 60% of Iraqi's think the U.S. presence is making things worse. But when asked if they want the U.S. to pull out, 56% say no. It's reported (by MSNBC last night on Countdown) as 44% want us to leave.

Answer 7

Yes it is laziness. People don't want to work at things anymore once they see and obstacle they run instead of trying to hit it head on. If that was my parents they would have gotten divorced within the first 2 years. 25 years and still kicking lol

Answer 8

Yes, for these reasons:
1. My marriage is 30 years strong.
2. Our relationship has survived alcoholism, abortion, overweight, epilepsy, 6 yr old child's open heart surgery, financial hardship a few times, attitude of "do it my way, I know better than you" (this likely had the most strain on our relationship), and five children, some foster children, quite bit diagnosed mental illnesses in our relatives, and I could go on. Some these items are continue today.
3. Knowing the people whose marriages have lasted more years than mine is encouraging for me. Many of these are current, still going strong, not all are from my childhood. They are also folks that I look forward to talking with again and again.
Now, I must admit that I agree with you, I made these same observations. I don't look to media to fill my time, but rather, very carefully choose what I let in my brain. I'm known to have walked out of movie theatres, telling the managers of my dislike for that movie; I took my family out of a circus, my daughter wanted to dress like the trapeze girls; I'll do it all again!! Every one of these moral lacking entertainments influences my relationships with everyone around me, especially my marriage. To allow this junk in my mind is to allow damage and strain to my marriage. I fill my mind and time with influences that encourage lifetime marriages.

Answer 9

My parents lived together 60 years and they were my role model but the problem is Man does not need woman and woman does not need man as in the old times,,,,and one must be needed and no one knows whar role they are to play in a marriage,,,sad,,,,I hope values and morals and good role models come back into play>

Answer 10

Well, my husband and I have been married for 30 years and plan on staying married until one of us is carried out the door, feet first. It hasn't always been easy, but we both believe that marriage is for life, and we've stuck out the tough times for that reason.

And like I've always said, "I've never considered divorce. . .but ax murder has been a real possibility on occasion!" ;-)