What does it mean?

Question

Recently, I've found myself developing really intense feelings for a female friend of mine. We have so much in common, and we complement each other so well. For months now we've been inseparable and I've been trying to deny my attraction for her. Except a few days ago, she started joking around trying to re-enact a kissing scene in a play we saw earlier that day and she grabbed my face and kissed me. Well I reciprocated and we ended up kissing for a few seconds. I pulled away and left because I was just way too uncomfortable, I felt like I was going to faint.

Since then we've talked about it, and she suggested we start going steady as a couple. I want to so bad, but I'm worried about being seen as a lesbian. I don't have anything against it, I mean I've found out myself that you can't help who you fall in love with. It's just that I know that I've never been attracted to women like that, but I'm really attracted to this one. Is it considered lesbianism?

I mean, I get alot of attention from guys on a daily basis, I just know that I'm going to hear it if it ever got out that we we were dating. "No wonder she didn't say nothing to me, she's a dike". I mean I can already hear it. I'm seriously scared about the whole situation. I love her, but I struggling with what others would think of me.

Answer 1

Wow. You must really be going through it now. Being attracted to a woman doesn't make you a lesbian. You sound like you have a crush on her and thats more common than you think. Like you said, you guys have so much in common and you compliment each other really well. She sounds like your best friend so having intense feelings for her isn't that un-ordinary.

I think you should talk to her (or a really trusted friend) about it more because SHE sounds like she knows exactly what she wants with you; and as with any crush you can really hurt the person if you act without being secure in what YOU want. Once you're sure - go for it.

P.S. - Don't worry about how you are seen by other people. Those who really love you love you unconditionally and everyone else should be worried about their own problems.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

ok settle down and take a big breath lol.... You really like this girl and she seems to really like you. Your afraid of a backlash from the community where your from but if you don't have nothing against it and if you want it real bad. Honestly what have you got to lose. If you deny your feelings any longer especially now that you know shes keen, your head is just going to be a mess. Sounds like she has liked you for a while now too, If you two have spoken about it and agreed to start as a couple and you pull out because you are afraid, it might put a dent in your friendship. It will be called lesbianism but does that really matter if you really like her. Just think what you can have and what you can potentially lose. The best of luck : )

Answer 3

If you have intense feelings for her, and she feels the same for you, then this would be a lesbian relationship. Whether you self-identify as lesbian is something you will figure out in time (I'm guessing that you're a teen-ager). If you are drawn to guys, then you might identify as bisexual...or you may end up being straight. So, hard as it may seem, don't stress out about this part of it. And don't be afraid of your feelings for your friend. It's OK.

I'd advise you guys to move slowly on your dating. Clearly, if you're having this much angst, you two should take things in tiny incremental steps, and go at a pace that both of you can handle. That, too, is OK. And it's really best, in this case especially, because if things get too difficult and there's too much drama...you will want a soft landing to preserve your friendship.

As for what others might think or say, they will think and say lots of stuff. What matters is what *you* feel about yourself. Nobody can take away your self-confidence and your pride in who you are unless you let them take it from you. Good luck.

Answer 4

Wow, that friend of yours is bold. Anyway, I would say you two could start slow and be intimate and keep your relationship private, and as you start to feel more comfortable I guess with your relationship you can let it out eventually, if it's still going strong. It sounds like you really like her though, that's so cute. People will speculate and talk, you say you're inseparable so I'm sure they're speculating already, I think that's what you're worried about. Just start slow.

Answer 5

Let's face it. At this present moment, you ARE a lesbian. You might not be forever, considering you're probably pretty young--there's plenty of time to change your mind, several hundred times over in the coming years of adulthood. HOWEVER, what I'm NOT hearing is that you're even interested in the guys who try to hit up on you. Apparently, they don't flip your switch like this girl. And why would you willingly choose to forsake love, your own sense of self for the opinions and possible judgment of "other people"? Are "they" going to be there to mend your broken heart when this girl finds someone else who's willing to be with her openly and completely? If you're only reason to NOT be with her is "other people's opinion" then you've got a sad and lonely life ahead of you. I say, to hell with "them"--on the scale of anything worthwhile, their opinions are meaningless. It's only what's in your heart, and your friend's, that matter. And if you don't allow your Self the opportunity to explore this aspect of your life/personality/sexuality, you'll most certainly regret it. Let me tell you, I've thought I was a lesbian several times in my life, but only came to the realization that I was indeed bisexual when I entered my 30s. Sexuality is never a "finalized" state; there are going to be all kinds of things that trip your trigger. HOWEVER, I don't believe our sexuality is ever a real mystery to us--it's our feelings about it, our ambivalence, our fears, our self-perceptions, outer perceptions of us that creates ambiguity and confusion. I say, whatever is the truest feeling you can summon about YOURself and what YOU want will guide you, gay or not.

HOWEVER, do not lead your friend on if you're not in fact "gay enough" to see it through. If it's just friendly curiosity, that's one thing. But when love's involved, you need to be sure that's what you're feeling AND what she's feeling. Especially with all these extenuating factors and circumstances, and your fear of transcending them.

Answer 6

It is only if you just like girls but if you still want to date guys then your bisexual. And go for it since you know so much about eachother it would be a very comfortable relationship. I felt like i was going to faint when i got kissed by my first girl friend. Most of all don't worry what others have to say about your sexuality. If your happy screw what others say. Good luck!!!=D

Answer 7

Just do what feels right and if you make a mistake you will learn from it. But think about what will happen after you break up. How will things be? And can you just be close friends and not a couple? How would that work out? You can kiss as friends.

Answer 8

That depends, do you still like guys as well as this female friend? If it didn't work out, would you go back to being with a guy? If so, you could call yourself bi-sexual.(I am myself) I work with a few girls that have a girlfriend, one says ahe is a lesbian, and the others says they are bi, so it all depends on your outlook.

Answer 9

I would consider it as a stage, unless you are starting to find other girls attractive too. Then I would consider you lesbian, but if you also find guys attractive then you're bisexual.

Answer 10

I think your thinking w-a-y to hard about this, just enjoy yourself and have fun. But, try not to take anything serious until 'you know how you feel' and trust me, it WILL come to you, that moment of clarity about what you want. Just relax and don't rush anything!