I am leaving my abusive husband next week after 13 years of abuse. He has been mainly verbal and emotionally abuse and sometimes physical by choking me. I am going to live with my mom and taking our 2 children with me, a daughter 6 and a 4 year old son. I just recently lost my 4th brother, this time to a heart attack and yesterday he tells me that he hopes that I drop dead and that I'm half way there because I'm diabetic and I have high cholesterol. He says this in front of my kids. He says he can't wait to find someone else who isn't sorry like me. My problem is, even though I know he is wrong, I don't know what life is going to be like. I am depressed and I don't really want to go over my mom's but at least I have somewhere to go. I feel like a failure. I am 34 and i don't have my **** together because I was mainly a stay at home mom while he controlled everything. How do I get past all of this hurt and get on with my life when I don't even know who i am?
2006-12-07 10:48:45 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like your life will just be begining!
Let us know how things turn out!
2006-12-07 10:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your life as you know it is over, but that is not a bad thing, it is a good thing, because he obviously wasn't that good of a person. Now you can start a new life. It doesn't matter if you know who you are because your life will be so different you will be a new person anyway. Keep your head up and know that the new life and the new person that you are going to be now won't take that stuff from anyone and will love and take care of her children. That's enough for now. You'll figure the rest out when it's time. Give yourself a little bit of time to get used to being treated right by those around you.. Then think about what you want to do, and how you can make it happen.
2006-12-07 10:57:15 · answer #2 · answered by Cyndi Storm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I feel you. I left my ex husband 3 years ago this month. We were together 2 years and he was not a good person. I stayed as long as I did because simply being unhappy didn't seem like a good enough reason.to get divorced. People always tell you stay, give your marriage a chance, it's tough but it will get better, you got to stick it through the good and bad times, and yada yada yada. Meanwhile You're crying and praying so much you need some knee pads! He did and said foul things that would hurt so deeply especially during my pregnancy. That's when I decided to leave for my child's sake. He then started acting the way I always prayed he would in my 6th month, attentive, loving and excited about our baby. Slowly the real him started to emerge and one day when I was 8 1/2months we have a huge argument. The next morning I'm rushed to the hospital. My blood pressure went so high it blew the placenta off my baby and I almost died. 2 weeks after her funeral he completly stops talking to me. a month later (still not talking) he pretends he is going to work (self employed) and disappears for 6 days. He freed me doing that and the day I left he nver knew what hit him. The Uhaul pulled up with family and friends and we packed my stuff and I left him looking dazed and confused. I had to start all over but I have NEVER had one regret because now I am the coolest, wisest, most nonjudgemental, strongest, happiest, most beautiful woman I know! When I see him now he looks washed out, lonely, and breaks his neck to speak to me or my family. After 2 years I finally spoke back and now i just feel sorry for him! My advice is to never look back and get this self help book called, "How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have" by John Gray. I'm telling you it will put you where youre asking to be! I shared this story because I want you to know that you are not alone or a failure- it takes strength to leave and time heals all wounds. Also stress is the silent killer and you are FAR too young to even think your life is over! Keep your head up!
2006-12-07 11:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by Meems 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
know that he has beaten u down for so long u think his opinion of u is true, why give him that kind of power over u, u aren't the failure he is. u first need a support group, so u can regain your self worth, so u can stop picking these loosers. he treats u bad, because u are a reminder of his bad behavior. u shouldn't define who u are by his opinion of u. u are a victim of abuse, he has hurt u and disrespected and controlled u for so long, u don't know anything else. stand up to him, get some confidence, and divorce him. he is pulling u down to his level. get a job, and save some money, and get rid of that man. u can get past the hurt, when u quit expecting him to change, when u accept him as he is, and decide this is not what u want in life. get your life together, show him he is wrong about you. life without him will be better than life with such a man. u suffer from a false guilt, meaning u feel guilty as though u caused this, but he is the one who chooses to treat u like you have no feeling's, he must truly be a monster, a black abyiss someone with not one emotion. u are the victim here, u can't control what he does, not your falt. any life is better than life with a man like him. just have to gain some confidence here, and know u can do it. he has beat u down for so long, u actually believe the things he is saying about u. don't give him the power to do this to u.
2006-12-07 11:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be very hard but you will find your way and also find out how very strong you are. You should have left years before this, and you don't have to stay with your mother forever just till you get on your feet, I'd say least a year. He has beat you down for years now and it will take some time to pull yourself back up where you should be you are a good person with alot to give the right person, but until you find that right person take care of yourself/ Was in a very similar marriage for 13 years, two kids, and it was very hard for awhile but I made it and my kids grew up to be the best kids ever I am so proud of them both. Trust me when I say, if I can make it you can too and you will be a better more confident person because you did go through this. Good luck to you and God Bless
2006-12-07 10:59:44 · answer #5 · answered by inmate3685 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought the same thing once too. I left mine. I realized by life was over when I was with him. I have great life now, I fairy tale life. The question I ask my self is why I waited so long!
Life will be much better not listening to that non-stop diarrhea that flows from his mouth. Trust me, the first morning you wake up and not hearing it.....will be the best day you have had in years
You will find out things about your self your never knew. You are living in a world of hurt right now....once you walk out that door...the hurt will pass.
You are NOT the failure here...he FAILED you by not being a kind, loving husband.
Be strong and don't look back.
2006-12-07 11:45:32 · answer #6 · answered by lolasmom19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby Girl I think that your life has finally begun. Your kids don't deserve that and neither do you. I feel that you should take a deep breath and release when you finally leave him and embrace the good things that are ahead. No one can tell you that life will be easy once you leave him, but at least you will be alive. At least your kids won't see daddy hurting mommy. You get past hings by prayer and using the resources that are available for people in your situation. You can contact ncadv.org and that can help you get you money matters together. You could also contact your local YMCA. It will be OK honey. I don't know what religion you r, but I believe in GOD and I just want to tell you that God never gives is more than we can handle. You can make it sweetie.
2006-12-07 11:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by luvlebrowneyez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me be the first to congradulate you! I know how hard it is for you to leave. My mom was married twice. Once to my real father, who beat her as much as he could, and the other to my step father. My mom would tell me stories about how my dad would hurt her when she was married to him, and on the weekends I would go to his house and see what a loving father he was. I could not believe it was the same dad sometimes. Then I heard my step mom and him fighting all the time. That reassured me my mom was right to get the hell out! But my step dad was everything my mom ever wanted. He was supportive to her nursing career when we were little and then let her be a stay at home mom when we were growing up. Not because he wanted her to, but she wanted to. He was the kind of guy who would take his wifes kids to the store to buy presents for mom for any day of the week. He was more of a father to me than my real dad was. ANd I am so happy she decided to leave the controlling asshole to find true happiness! I think you should go live with your mom for a while with your kids. Find out who you are and what you want to do. Even go back to school if its what your heart desires! Just know there are more out there like you. And maybe one day your kids will be answering a question like this telling another mom how great their step dad was. I wish you the best of luck. If you have any questions, please don't be afraid to email me. I promise, it might be hard, and seem worse at first, but it always has to get worse to get better!
2006-12-07 11:01:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jodanna B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you're life will not be over, in fact you can really start living you own life once you get out from under a controlling angry evil person's thumb. If he's doing all that he doesn't love you and is not helping you or you kids. Man why are so many dude so screwed up!? I'm sure it will be hard in the short term, but you've put up with enough crap for so long, it will be worth it. Fall in love with God and his son Jesus Christ. He will never leave you nor forsake you. His plans for you are to prosper you and to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Believe me you will be better off where you can receive real love which is this: Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
Have peace sister, and know kinda like the old saying, if you love someone sometimes you've got to let them go. Follow God's plan for your life and you can't go wrong. Seek ye 1st the kingdom of God and all the things you need will be added to you.
2006-12-07 10:56:26 · answer #9 · answered by Matt B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life is beginning. Rediscover what it is you like and go from there. What did you enjoy before you met your husband? What are you capable of doing now? Will you be able to go back to school so you can get a job to support yourself and children. You have courage. You are not a failure. Take each day one at a time. You have your children. Life will be scary to begin with, but gets easier each day once you establish a routine. Believe in yourself. You really can make it. God bless you and keep you safe. Also remember there are many people in here that will listen to you anytime you need.
2006-12-07 10:57:34 · answer #10 · answered by vennie s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are AWESOME! I left my emoitionally abusive husband, and it is the best thing I have done for myself and my family. I can't imagine the pain and hurt you have experienced. This is the best for you and your family. Go for it. You live life once, and you and your kids will always be glad you made this decision. I am visiting a physiatrist and it really helps for someone to tell you that you are valued and important. My self-esteem was killer low after taking the step to leave, but since then I have not cried or felt the emotional pain that I used to feel on a daily basis. Best of Luck. You can do it.
2006-12-07 11:11:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋