I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on my situation with my boyfriend. We've been together for five years and we have a daughter together, the problem is that he is really a hard person to be with. It's really hard to explain, I don't know what to do. We've had so many issues together in the begining it was just perfect. Then about 5 months into the relationship he started to choke me and spit me in my face, those are things that I will never be able to forget. I still have alot of anger built up towards him for all the things he's put me through. He doesn't do that any more but he doesn't trust me, because this past summer we had separated and I tried to be with someone else, but it didn't work out because I could'nt stop thinking about my boyfriend. So we got back together and all the time now he's always saying that I'm cheating on him. He also doesn't let me have friends or hang out with my cousin. He doesn't help me out with our daughter he doesn't have a job.
2006-12-07 10:44:30 · 34 answers · asked by Sally C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He hasn't had a job in about five years. I thought by us having a child together he would totally change for the better but no such luck. By the way my mom hates him. I love him but he doesn't seem to care about me or our two year old daughter. Some advice on what I should do wold help. Should I stay or should I GO??????
2006-12-07 10:51:39 · update #1
I think the REAL question is...is WHY are you still with him?? He doesn't do anything for you.... he doesn't help, he has no job, hes lazy he treats you like sh it basically.. any man that spits in a women's face much less chokes her doesn't deserve to be with a women period. I dont care how long ago he did it or even if it happened once. The world is a BIG place and there are MANY fish in the sea. dont waste your time on an as shole like that. I cant believe you put up with that for five years. You deserve better, why cant women like you realize that the second they are mistreated???? He is definitely not the definition of a good man.
2006-12-07 10:51:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hun, u need to go. it wont get any better. a kid don't make things any better. He really don't think much of u or ur daughter to be the way he is. u cant help him he has to help his self first. move on theres a guy out there that will treat u right and ur daughter the way u should be treated. and if u stay with him ur not showing ur daughter the right kind of man to be with. she will be with someone like him and u don't want that do u. I can see why ur mom hates him. but ur the only person that can decide if that's the kind of life to keep living or change it for the better. think of ur daughter it's not fair for her or u but u are letting it happen. I m not saying keep her away from her father. but go and forget about him. u will always have feelings for him since u guys have a kid together.
2006-12-07 11:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by wishstar28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You take care of the family,you are the breadwinner.Some woman will stay with the husband because she can't find a job.Obviously,you don't have that problem,because he is jobless and you are someone employee(That how you and your daughter are not starved to death)
You probably hang on to this relationship because you want your daughter to have a perfect family.No offence,your family doesn't sound like a perfect family.Do you want your daughter to have the same hatred like you towards his own father.He is a jack *** but at the end of the day,he still your daughter father.If you keep on like this,your daughter will hate his own father.He is still the reason why you will have her.
Move on,you have everything that you need,you have a job and a daughter.A happy family is a perfect family doesn't matter you are single mom.
2006-12-07 11:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by Janet Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be with him sweetie, you and your daughter deserve a good loving man in your lives..... Especially after he has spat in your face and choked you!!!!!!!
I was in a relationship for nearly 7 yrs with my sons father i was only 15 when we got together and he was 21!!!! He choked me and tried to kill me in the end broke my collar bone and did many horendous things to me i care not to mention...... But he was exactly the same I wasn't allowed to have any friends or see anybody he moved me up into an isolated place in the bush so i couldn't have contact with my family or friends.......
My mum hated him too.... He also did nothing to help with out son he used to sit in his shed all the time and visit friends and leave us stuck out in the bush....... He will never be able to see past you being with somebody else, I was in exactly the same situation...... your life will be so much more forfilling if you are not with him, your daughter can still have the relationship she needs with him if he's willing to come to the party? You are so much better than he makes you feel sweetie, he's not willing to do anything to look after his family and he makes you feel horrible...
If we can't be happy in this world what do we have?????
I think you already know the answer to this question sweetie....
If he's not making you happy what is left???
I really hope you can be happy. All the best and good luck to you and your daughter...
Ibanez xoxo
2006-12-07 11:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by ibanez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay i need you to hear me out on this one.
First if you has put his hands on you and spit in your face, its time to go. No man should EVER and i mean EVER put his hands on you. No matter what you say or have done PERIOD!!!
Okay now that I have gotten that out. Sometimes when a lover is accusing you of some wrong doing or cheating, and you know for a fact your not doing anything and not giving him reason to feel insecure, then most of the time its him thats actaully doing the dirt. See if he is going the dirt as far as cheating, then he feels guilty for cheating and that guilty feeling is also making him insecure about you because in the back of his head he is thinking, well im cheating on her she could cheat on me. Thus he now thinks your the 1 cheating.
So by that being said, be very careful and make sure your not the 1 getting cheated on.
But forget all of that. This man put his hands on you and spit in your face, you need to find a better man because any man that hits a woman for any reason is a coward and a punk.
2006-12-07 10:50:41 · answer #5 · answered by Latavish G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have a daughter so I know alittle about what you are going through. He doesn't abuse me like he used to do to you but I know you feel like you should stay with him because of your daughter. Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship like yours. Who is to say he wont start spitting and choke again, if he doesn't trust you he will eventually act on those feelings. He is probably accusing you of cheating because he is. Not saying he is, but it seems like he has the time he doesn't have a job.And who is he to say who you can hang out with.
Anyway I think you should put him out, and focus on you and your baby. You are a mommy now she is the MOST important thing in your life her safety and well being should come before any man even her father!!!
2006-12-07 10:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years and you cant change him he will never change NEVER i had 3 kids by this man and he worse things to me for 13 years its not about being with someone else it's about being with your self and that kid you have i am going to say this and i hope one day you actually do it
GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is not going to change most likely he is the one that is cheating i know you cant see it but something is wrong and it aint YOU find your self be a good mother for your child he do not respect you by no means ... my husband spit in my face too and did not want me to have kids the only thing is i had no mother no father and no friends it took 13 years for me to finally be free from him.......... and now 6 years later i met the most lovable guy of my life and i had 2 more children from my new husband I never knew life could be so good with a real man ...... no more fighting , no more going to jail ,,,,, i got peace fianally ..... thank god .................good luck on your life
2006-12-07 10:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by slpry L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is a loser!
First off I want to say that no man should ever lay his hand on a women. If he hit you once, he will hit you again. You need to get out of this relationship just for this reason alone.
I think the reason why it didn't work out when you separated is because you are afraid of him and what he would probably do to you and your daughter and you decided it would be safer to be with him. Big mistake.
I think you might with him because of your daughter, but it's not fair for her either to grow up in this environment. You really need to get you and your daughter out of that relationship. Go to court, get custody of your daughter and move on. You can do so much better. Good luck.
2006-12-07 10:52:59 · answer #8 · answered by sexyprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is a control freak and you should not put up with his conduct.He has no right to stop you having friends and it is time he grew up. Not trusting you is very immature if you were not together in the summer you werea free agent. He isobviously sponging off you and is a no hoper who will drag you down with him. Get rid of him and then go out with your friends and when you have got over him then try to find someone else. He will never change.
2006-12-07 10:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by Closed Down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man who hits a women is not a man. You need to think about your child and yourself. I'm sure your daughter sees what is going on. I had a husband for 14 years that was the same as your B/F I couldn't take it anymore and I left him. now im happier and less stress out who needs a man like that. A relationship is built out of trust, love and communication. If none of these is in yours then you need to move on. I wish you luck. And trust me you only have one child to take care of, I have 3 and its much harder but I'm happy. I'm now married a wonderful man who knows how to treat me and my kids.
2006-12-07 10:55:47 · answer #10 · answered by Baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋