I have been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years and he hasnt proposed. We have a child together and own a house together. Every time marriage is discussed, he says hes never getting married. I feel if we got married, I would have no doubts about his commitment. Why doesnt he want to get married, and should I stick around if he doesnt give me what I want?
2006-12-07 10:25:25 · 16 answers · asked by angel187_25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when i was pregnant with my daughter, he got really distant and acting different. i never caught him, but from his actions and things that happen, i truly believe he was seeing someone else. it went on for 2 1/2 years. he even lied to me for 2 years about her going to ozzfest with him, he told me one of his guy friends went. now he says he wants to work things out, but isnt willing to prove it by marrying me.
2006-12-07 10:58:07 · update #1
Why doesn't he want to get married? Who knows? But then again, he has no INCENTIVE to get married. You are providing all the benefits of marriage (house, children, security, regular sex), but none of the responsibilities (commitment, fidelity).
Commitment? Please. NEWS FLASH: if he hasn't proposed after 6.5 years, he is NOT committed to you. He probably won't - ever - propose, unless you do something to change the dynamics of the situation.
My advice: stand up for yourself. Tell him - don't ask him - that you want to get married. Pick a date. Something reasonable, say, 6 months from when you talk to him. If he refuses, or fails to meet the deadline, move on. Then hire a lawyer and ding him for child support.
2006-12-07 10:36:03 · answer #1 · answered by Humberto 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the whole cow saying is just annoying...and as I say-a cop out to a real answer...not that I may have one either. :)
It does sound like he has his mind made up. So I think what you should be asking yourself is if you love him enough to be okay with just living with him. He is still there with you, supporting you, supporting your baby so really his commitment to you should be obvious...unless you have other underlying things going on you don't talk about.
Leaving him for not marrying you in this day and age, when more than half of all families live together, seems a bit petty and selfish. I know it ruins your ideals and maybe your dreams and it may take some grieving. Most women dream of that huge wedding from the time they are little. But if you truly love him respect him on this...and you never know...10 years from now he may surprise you.
Good luck.
2006-12-07 10:54:15 · answer #2 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
shoot after that long I'd give him an ultimatum, one month to marry me or it's over. Just be sure to be able to back up with you say. most likely he will come around.
But then again on the other hand my aunt and uncle were together and happy for 10 years before they finally got married. Then a year latter they got a divorce. so you might just want to leave things the way they are.
If it's not broken don't fix it.
2006-12-07 10:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being honest with you - he's NOT going to propose, no matter how long you wait. It's time to resolve it for yourself once and for all: do you want to be with him - which would mean accepting that you two will never be married, dropping the issue, and being happy with all the good things you share in your relationship; OR do you want to get married - which would mean leaving this person and looking for a partner whos ideas of having a family match yours more closely. No one can decide it for you; different things are important to different people. I think, one thing NOT to do is to keep trying to change him; this will lead to disappointments for everyone involved.
2006-12-07 10:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well girl you are not alone I am in the same situation and after the first two years of him not popping the Q. I no longer really cared because it was not special to me any more and if he did it today I probably would not even say yes because it just took way too long pretty much he ruined it for me. so the day he does decide to ask if ever I am determined to throw him for a loop with a big fat No Thank you!!! keep ur head up
2006-12-07 10:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, enable me get this instantly. you're 21, have dated seventy seven human beings, had sex with 7 and performance been engaged 3 cases. you've been with this guy for 2 months and each and each and every week. And in accordance to you, you've "lived for years only accepting the very shown truth that you'll probable by no skill get married". what number years may that be? have you ever been living in this because you've been 10? i don't believe of you're waiting to be married. i imagine he's smart in desirous to attend 3 years. a minimum of three years, possibly even 4 or 5. good luck to you.
2016-11-24 21:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! 61/2 years?! ask yourself this; would you buy shoes from a store if they let you wear them anytime you want, take them home, keep them over night? no you wouldn't feel the need to! he doesn't feel the need to marry you! you do and have everything i have and i'm married. a lady told me once; men usually know in a short period of time if they want to marry you and all the other time is spent in you trying to convince him! that's you! he knows all about you, shares a child with you what's the wait? there is none! marriage doesn't make things easier and its not going to miracously change anyone, you can't change him he has to do it and you don't have to wait on him! he doesn't want to commit so move on, and take care of you and your beautiful child! God will bless you with someone that wants you and he'll ask you first!
be blessed!
2006-12-07 10:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by lovegod_795 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to get married? It hurts to hear you have a child together : ( You know what to do, but it's hard to make right choices sometimes. Sorry.
2006-12-07 10:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by DaddyOf6Girls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get married if you are happy as you are. There is a saying if it works don't break it. Only he knows why he won't get married and so you will have to ask him gently I suspect. He may change his mind as he gets older.
2006-12-07 10:32:01 · answer #9 · answered by Closed Down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait 6 more months and you will be considered married in the eyes of the law (common law marriage). However, the truth is, you guys already married when you had sex. Two becoming one.
2006-12-07 10:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by Sandstorm222 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋