when a spouse cheats why do people assume it was because of the other spouse not meeting needs of the cheater?

Question

when a spouse cheats why do people assume it was because of the other spouse not meeting needs of the cheating spouse? What about the needs of the faithful spouse? Maybe the cheater is bipolar and will not stay on meds, maybe the cheater is escaping the stress of being a parent to young children and cannot cope with that, maybe the spouse does not want any responsibility and instead finds a young person with nothing else in their life except the affair, maybe the cheater verbally abused the other spouse about how disgusting their body had become after having children, maybe the cheating spouse was jealous of the attention the children received from family and friends and now the cheater is the center of the universe to the other person...just looking for others to comment on this.....

Answer 1

People cheat because their needs are not being met within the marriage. That's doesn't mean that the other spouse is to blame. For example, a cheating woman might have a need to prove that she is sexually desirable to men. Or, a cheating man might need to prove to himself that he can still "hunt".

I do understand how you feel about that. My wife is a chronic cheater. I'm ending a marriage of almost 21 years because of that plus some things are FAR worse. When a woman cheats, people assume (mostly) that it's the man's fault.

Answer 2

There are 3 reason why people cheat.
The most common reason is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful spouse who would never think of cheating does not see. It is luck of communications.
Other times, the marriage has changed and evolved in a way that leaves the cheating husband or cheating wife feeling left out or somehow empty. Those changes may include a shift in attitudes toward one another and the problems ensue. When a spouse feels that his or her needs are not being met phisical or emotional) , some turn to their work, others to drugs or alcohol and many to the arms of another man or woman.
There are others who engage in infidelity purely for the sex. They do not want their relationship to end, they simply seek the thrill that being with someone else brings.
No matter what reason, the pain, humiliation and betrayal are the same.

Answer 3

There are many reasons to cheat. Certainly no two are the same. But generally, the reason someone will cheat on another person has to do with the relationship they are in. Usually they are unfulfilled in some aspect, whether it is the spouse's fault or the cheater's, or something else entirely. Having an affair fills a void, whether it be sexual or emotional, and it makes the cheater feel better (however temporarily). I am in no way condoning having affairs, because the cheater could always take the more noble route of working things out in their relationship (or ending it) before taking a turn to hurt the other person.

Answer 4

Usually the cheater is cheating because there is something wrong in the marriage. When something is wrong in a marriage it involved bother parties - because marriage is a partnership. People all cheat for various reasons - but the one thing they all have in common is that there is some sort of problem in the marriage.
Regardless of whether one spouse has issues and one doesn't - those issues need to be dealt with, either within the marriage or through counseling.

Answer 5

Because it a nice simple answer to a possibly messy question.
I believe people use the word "NEED" in place of "WANT" too easily.

Sometimes people look at their life and believe that its not as it should be. What is happening is they WANT it to be better and call this want a NEED. Needs are needs and therefore must be meet. However, if they acknowledge that its just a want then they also have to face that NOT all wants are meet and that is part of life. In the end people who have affairs lie to themselves as much as to everyone else. The only thing they are doing is being selfish. If you are married and you no longer happy then get a divorce, but to stay married and drag the other person down is just wrong.

Answer 6

Well I think most people cheat simply because they like the attention the receive from the person they are cheating with. It is new and exciting. Simple has that, but of course that isn't a good enough excuse so the cheating spouse has to blame the faithful spouse.

Answer 7

You are right that is a popular assumption. Usually it is because you get a lot of knee jerk responses here but also because we only ever get half the story. The logic follows that since you don't know the other side of it, without those details, one assumes that the cheater wouldn't have strayed if they were getting what they needed. But you are right that isn't always true. These are the same people that when someone says they are having a problem with their spouse they just respond "Divorce 'em!" Gee, thanks.

Answer 8

That is a good question and that is the problem. That can be the answer in some cases but in other cases its not.
But that is usually what the cheaters say. It was his/her fault that I cheated on him/her because they made me feel .,.........................
The truth is if you are feeling this way, you should talk to your spouse about it, not run into someone else's arms. Instead you choose to break vows that you made to your partner and find someone else to confide in. The truth is no excuse is really a good excuse and you should have the decency to leave the first relationship before you start up another.

My life was complicated, my relationship was complicated so I began another relationship with someone else, duh. It is not going to uncomplicate the other stuff, just brings about more complication.

Answer 9

I hate that. Most women who cheat with married men. Think that. And there the ones who think they can feel his needs. Most of those type of women are getting played. There just to dumb to know it. It's like you said what about the needs of the faithful spouse? I believe the faithful spouse is not getting there needs meet.The difference between the faithful one knows how to stay faithful and that one is the strong one, he or she don't have to ran out to some strange person to have sex with or meet other needs he or she looks to her or him (the other spouse) for there needs. It's the one who cheats is the weak one. They can't handle "real" life. And at the end it's the one cheating that you feel sorry for. Because there the one who loses big time.....................

Answer 10

Nobody deserves to be cheated on. No matter what. People should be honest and end a relatioship if it doesn't work before starting a new one. Is an act of cowardice not being able to act this way and it's irresponsible to the spouse's feelings.
My boyfriend is married and I will be breaking up with him until he comes clear with his wife. I feel so sorry for her...
I know she is not a good wife and had been an abusive person, (definately lousy in bed). But Nobody deserves that and her faults cannot be considered an excuse for what is happening.
I can tell you from experience...