My fiance thinks that there's no reason why people should feel guilt over anything. He has put me through a bit of a hard time lately and I want him to know how crappy he has made me feel but he doesn't believe in guilt and want him to feel guilty over the things he has done so he realises how miserable he's made me and won't treat me like crap again.
Does anyone out there think that feeling a bit of guilt keeps us "human" and not like an emotionless waste of space?
2006-12-07 09:10:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
if you don't feel guilt, then that would be very scary. You'll become an emotion-less monster without sympathy for your fellow humans
2006-12-07 09:15:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Feeling Guilty can be both good and bad for someone.
Guilt- teaches us to respects emotion thoughts people and all sorts
Feeling guilty for the wrong thing makes you not to value yourself
What is the point of loving someone who doesn't realise guilt?
He is your fiance and you seem to be wanting to marry him. Think -If he can't correct himself now are u goin' to stand a chance in the future? Emotion is the centre of everything, love is the root. Sort it out and make him feel what guilt is otherwise just leave and don't blame yourself for nothing.
2006-12-07 10:33:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feeling guilt often makes one feel small like a child. Perhaps he is does not wish to feel like a child, and making you feel crappy is his way to pass that feeling of falling short to you. I believe you are going to have to deal with this in marrying this man. If he is adamant now about not feeling remorse for treating you badly, this will only get worse, not better. There are, probably, people who do make him feel guilty which can not deal with except to put you through a hard time. This is a male-female thing which other women also have to go through. He has a problem that he cannot resolve. Men have a type of fellowship in which they agree that women should carry these unresolved problems for them.
2006-12-07 23:46:47 · answer #3 · answered by lightellen3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice not to feel guilt but everybody does, I bet he does but he doesn't have to say sorry this way. It would be nice if people didn't do things to feel guilty about but most people do. Tell him he should feel like being a decent human being. If he isn't a decent human being show him what it feels like to have a hard time. Do whatever he's done to you back to him. Physcopaths and murderers don't feel guilt, I'm not saying he's one, but it's a basic trait of a personality disorder. If he loves you then his emotions should make him want to treat you right.
2006-12-07 11:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt demonstrates empathy with a wronged party.
If it motivates you to do something about it, then guilt has served its purpose.
If you feel guilt for guilts sake then it is self-consuming and that is bad and its time to move on.
p.s Dump the loser. Anyone who can turn round and say they don't feel guilty when you are trying to make them face the consequences of their actions (making you unhappy), is just using it as physcological defence device. You can't hurt me in that spot because I don't have one...And the chances are he feels as guilty as hell, but won't admit it (because that is admission of guilt - pun intended) Ultimately it doesn't really matter, what he has done wrong is to make you unhappy, everything else stems from that. If he can't say I am sorry for making you sad then he deserves to be alone. Time to move on from this "emotionless waste of space" (your words).
2006-12-08 23:43:56 · answer #5 · answered by Finlay S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's wrong!!
Feeling guilty about something you have done that hurts someone else should lead you away from that behaviour in future! Making you a better person!! He must know how badly he hurt you and if he loves you should at least feel some remorse!
I doubt you will be able to make him feel guilt though, he sounds far too callous and selfish.
2006-12-07 09:35:14 · answer #6 · answered by willowGSD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A bit of guilt, as it were, is not 'un-healthy,' it demonstrates a system is working ~ as it were. But that is dependant on relative levels of these feelings.
Your finance is an un-feeling individual who likely as not is not ever going to feel bad or remorse for your misery. So I suggest that you save your breath - in trying to get him to feel whatever you would like him to feel.
Instead, it might be of use just to tell him how his behaviour has you feeling about him (avoid 'accusations' - just make 'Statements'), and then leave him with it (walk away).
Do NOT leave the results of his browbeating you open to debate.
He may well be correct, that there is NO REASON for people to feel guilt, BUT, that THEY DO obviously leaves his rationality in need of re-tuning.
I Wish you the Very Best of Luck here.
Sash.
2006-12-07 19:19:36 · answer #7 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Other than the fear of punishment, it is guilt that helps us learn the difference between right and wrong. This helps to ensure that we make the right choices in life.
Guilt is a complex emotion however, and can be destructive if it becomes overwhelming - particularly when it is about things over which we did not have any control.
2006-12-09 01:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by Henry J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I do not have a sense of guilt either but If I hurt somebody I feel shameful. Maybe your fiance is just a S.O.B. What you think ? Some people feel stronger when they refuse guilt and shame. IT was the typical Hitlerian reaction to the crimes of the Nazis. We are not guilty. We did nothing wrong. But when days of reckoning came, they all fled the country or committed suicide... IT is not that they did not feel guilty, they just mentally refused the notion of crime. Your fiance is mentally refusing the idea that he hurt you, it is worst. How can you even have sex with this jackass ?
2006-12-07 09:18:20 · answer #9 · answered by Mimi 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's healthy to feel appropriate guilt. Lots of people take guilt to far and it paralyzes them and it makes them feel like lousy people. That's not helpful. However, appropriate guilt keeps people from doing nasty things or at least makes them sorrry for doing them. We need some guilt to get along with others I think.
2006-12-07 09:38:44 · answer #10 · answered by cotopaximary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Claire,
Your fiance seems a bit weird to me and it seems like he doesnt really care about you. Sorry. I think feeling guilt about certain things keeps us healthy in mind and spirit. Its not a nice feeling but its a feeling everyone should experience like sadness and loss. I agree with you, it does make us human.
2006-12-07 09:17:13 · answer #11 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋