What should i tell him?
2006-12-07 08:37:34 · 37 answers · asked by Nicole B 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am a college graduate, with a new job making 32k a year, this will be my first child. I am keeping the baby......I have savings and i have supportive friends.
2006-12-07 09:15:16 · update #1
Well if you wanna keep the baby...keep the baby. I know its something you made together and I'm guessing he doesn't want the responsiblity. Well you know what he was man enouh t climb up on you without protection then he needs to be man enough to deal with what comes out. He made his bed now tell him to go lie in it.
2006-12-07 08:45:57 · answer #1 · answered by Kimi is 31 weeks 1/7 w/#2! 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What does he about not keeping the baby? If he is suggesting an abortion I would tell him no way! If he is talking about adoption than that is up to the two of you. How do you feel about your pregnancy? Do you feel up to raising a child. If your boyfriend doesn't want to keep the baby you may raise it on your own. I'm not going to tell you it would be easy to be a single parent but millions of people do it everyday. There are many services out there to help you. What does your family have to say? Many times family is a strong support system for single parents as well. Adoption is of course an option. There are many families out there who are just waiting for a baby to love. I'm sure your child would be placed in a loving home but will you be able to live with yourself knowing you have a child out there and not know how they are or where they are? As far as abortion goes. Your baby has a right to live just as you do. Again, could you live with yourself knowing you aborted your baby? At 9 weeks you are getting very close to the end of the "safe" period for an abortion anyway. Think very hard about your decision. The decision you make will affect the lives of many people, but most importantly the life of your baby.
2006-12-07 08:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by GPHS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you want? Pehaps he is just scared of becoming a dad and of all the responsibility etc. Talk with him and find out why he feels this way. Tell him what you want. Reassure him that he will be great as a dad and that you want him to be there for you and the baby. As for yourself you need to think about how you feel. I am guessing you want the baby. How do you feel about the possibility of raising the baby on your own. I am by no means suggesting you should have a n abortion, far from it, just think about who will support you emotionally if he does not stick around. My husband and I had been living together for 2 weeks (unmarried at that stage) when I found out I was pregnant. He thought that we shouldn't keep the baby because he was scared. 7.5 years later we are married with 2 gorgeous children (yes we kept the first) and he would not have it any other way. Back when he suggested not keeping our baby I just explained that I loved him I wanted to be with him, but I also wanted to keep the baby. I asked him to think long and hard about what he wanted. I said I want this baby and I want it to have a father. I would hate to raise the baby with out him, but I could not terminate just to keep him.
2006-12-07 08:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. It raises all kinds of questions in my mind - Why does he not think you should keep it? Is he suggesting you should abort it? Or is he suggesting you should give it up for adoption? Is he being selfish because he doesn't want to deal with a pregnant girlfriend? Or is he showing concern that perhaps you have health issues that make pregnancy particularly risky for you? It's impossible to know without more detail.
All that aside, though, what's really important here is your situation and what you want. There's nothing wrong with taking his thoughts into account, especially if it's his baby, but I believe that your word is final in this situation. Ask yourself these questions: are you old enough to have a baby? (Not just physically old enough, but mentally, emotionally, financially...) Are you in a stable life situation where you can support a child and give it a good life? How do you feel about having a child? How do you feel about having an abortion or giving it up for adoption? You need to focus long and hard on these questions, and soon. Unfortunately, time is not on your side here.
If you can, muster up the courage to talk to friends and family too... hopefully you are close to them and they can help you figure out what is best for your situation. A stranger who knows next to nothing of your situation can't tell you what to do here. Best of luck.
2006-12-07 08:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Honesty 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before telling him anything, try to think you you feel about it. Are you ready/sure to have the baby? Will you consider terminating your pregnancy if the asks you to? Ask him why he thinks that. Maybe he's just scared?
If you want it, and he doesnt, then the best thing would be to part ways. Im sure you'll have love and support from other people, and it wouldnt be the first time a child would grow up without its biological father.
Im completely agains abortion, by the way, and am 21-weeks pregnant, expecting my first child. Drop me a line if you need to talk to someone. Take care, and try not to stress to much, its not good for the baby.
Good luck and God bless you.
2006-12-07 08:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by Juwist 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he should have that before having sex. What do you want? If you want to keep the baby then by means do it. Don't do anything that you don't want to do. PLEASE make sure what ever you do, do it for yourself and make sure you can live with the outcome. I have a family member that just had an abortion a little over a year ago and is already regretting it. This is your deciison, do what si in your heart and DO NOT LET ANYBODY MAKE THIS DECISION FOR YOU. Also, I would like to say that my second child's father said the same thing to me 6 years ago. I don't regret that I kept him and he is a gorgeous boy, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Good luck.
2006-12-07 08:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anna A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are keeping the baby and if he doesn't like it, he can take a flying leap off the nearest bridge. Its not his decision. If you put the baby up for adoption you will never forgive yourself. Are you financially able to care for the baby on your own? If you are, then you don't really need him. I have been through this before. When I got pregnant with my son, I was only dating my husband, he said he didn't think the baby was his. I let him know right after that, that I didn't need him, that I would be raising the baby alone, cause I wasn't giving my baby up. Boy did he change his tune. We broke up a few times after our son was born and everytime he came crawling back. He missed his baby. He even moved from California to Tenn. to be with us. Now we have been married for 8 years. That is just my story. Your man will come around. Best wishes.
2006-12-07 08:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said "the baby," and that's exactly what it is. An innocent and defenseless child is living with you NOW, and it's not your boyfriend's decision whether you murder it or not. I agree with Ashli that he is probably more scared than anything else. But hey, surprise parenthood has been happening to people since the very beginning, and we are well-adapted to meeting that challenge successfully. To judge from human history, your baby will very likely likely turn out to be the greatest joy of your entire life, and your boyfriend's too.
Talk with him to explore possible solutions. Is marriage an option for the three of you? If not, you can go the single-mom route with financial support from the daddy, or you might consider giving the baby up for adoption if you really don't think you'll be able to provide for its needs. Whatever you choose, there's lots of help available to you. Call your local social-services agency and ask them to help you. God bless you! I'm praying for you.
2006-12-07 09:13:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner and i had the same problem he wasn't really ready to be a daddy, but when we sat down and came to terms on what had happened and what we were going to do. I couldn't live with myself if i got rid of my daughter and he couldn't give away a baby that was his. So we decided to go though with it and now we have a lovely 21 month old toddler and another baby on the way. It all depends on you and what you want to do but you need him there for what ever you choose. Ask your bf why he thinks not to keep the baby and go from there. These arent the best decisions in our lives but they have to be made. Good luck and congrats
2006-12-07 08:48:28 · answer #9 · answered by regie811 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Steinbeck wrote that, "A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed." Well, his call has just come that he's needed.
Tell him that he should be glad that your father isn't showing up with a shotgun and a priest. In a "kindler, gentler" era he'd either use the priest to get married, or to bury him... his choice.
It's time for him to grow up. He needs to understand that his carefree days are gone until the last kid leaves home and the family dog dies.
Look, I went thru the same thing when my wife showed me the little brown ring in the test tube 23+ years ago. I didn't wanna be a father. I don't know too many men that wanna be a father, who wanna trade in their sporty car for a minivan, who want to spend their money on diapers and formula.
You need to get married. Eighty-five percent of single mom households locally live on welfare, in poverty. He'll live in poverty too, because every dime he makes will go into child support payments for 18 years. If there are issues between you then it's time to get them talked out and fixed.
2006-12-07 08:46:28 · answer #10 · answered by geek49203 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel? Do you want the baby? It is your body that has to under go the pregnancy or an abortion. Of course there is always adoption but ultimately its your body and your emotions that you will have to deal with. If he doesn't support you there are other men in the sea, and there are many successful single moms too. Its a hard decision but you have to have the piece of mind in what you do to be able to sleep with yourself at night
2006-12-07 08:43:08 · answer #11 · answered by mommyblues78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋