How do you get your man to pleasure you better without comming out and saying it?

Question

With me and my husband, it is almost always a quicky, if you know what I mean. He turns me on just fine, but when I am turned on and start doing things to him he completely forgets about me. After he orgasms, he trys to give me one but It doesnt work that way with me. I have tried talking to him about it but he just gets upset and says he cant pleasure me. I have even tried putting his hand where I want it but he doesnt do anything, it is like he is too wrapped up in himself, and really doesnt seem to have the desire to pleasure me. Please Help!

Answer 1

Men are not like us, they don't take hints AT ALL! You have to be up front with them and tell them exactly what is on our minds. Good luck!

Answer 2

If you can't talk to him without him freezing up( that would be the best way but I understand that's not always possible) try new tactics in bed.

Try a dominant approach. Tell him he doesn't get any until he gives you oral or a hand job. If he tries to ignore these instructions move. Withhold until he submits to your request.

You also might try numbing cream. You can get this at places like Christies Toy Box. Tell him it's lubricant. It'll numb him up a bit and he'll be able to go longer without climaxing. You might also try a condom. A good thick one that will limit his sensation without denying you yours. Tell him you forgot your birth control to get him to wear it. Maybe even put it on for him...with your mouth if possible. That still ensures he is happy as well as you.

If none of these work use the guilt. After sex confront him. His hormones will be all wacky from the climax so he'll be less likely to be able to switch subjects. The hard truth is he doesn't seem to be able to pleasure you. His fears about himself seem spot on. Get upset with him about it. Tell him what you typed here. He'll have to confront this issue and maybe then he'll be more attentive to your needs in bed.

Answer 3

Yup, this is a problem, and I'll agree with what one of your other writers said, guys just don't see it the way we do..... there are some phrases that might work

(If you start to accuse him of not caring, you have already lost the battle, so you can't begin by saying, "you don't seem to care about my orgasm as much as you care about your own." Now of course this is true, but you can't say this. You are far better off by pulling away a little and ask him, "will you help me c(u)m? this time? " Guys have no idea how we are built, and we all ought to have a manual attached that is titled "How To Make Love to This Woman" We don't. When you get brave enough, buy the little book listed below, (Get it cheap in paperback on Amazon.com, and get a few of her others as well--can be at your house by Saturday....) and ask him to read it, and you read it as well. The author is THE sex therapist in the country today. NEVER tell him what he is doing wrong, always tell him what your needs are.... " I need.... or I'd like...... Help me to....... help me by......" If you say, I can't climax because you a louse in bed.... uh, that will just destroy the guy's ego, and we all know that it is fragile.... sex is a big deal to guys... Mine just panics of the thought of getting old, and never getting it up.... absolutely just panics..... So understand what you are dealing with. The books are really helpful. And you can certainly tell him how much you love being close to him, and you'd like things even closer and better..... and have him too read the book. It is filled with exercises on how to re-spark a love, how to be better in bed, on and on.....)

Helpful?

Answer 4

There are two possibilities - 1: He doesn't understand what you want & is ashamed to talk about it, or 2: He doesn't care.

Let's assume it is #1. You need to reassure him that you love him, you just want to experience the same pleasure he does. This will take time & careful handling on your part. Start slow, have him master one thing. After that, move onto another. No man wants to be perceived as inadequate in bed. That is throwing up his defenses. Help him out, be gentle about it, and both of you will be rewarded.

Answer 5

That is the only way to say it is by telling him. Or try this dont let him get his for a while and see how he feels. Tell him what turns you on and go from there. Maybe he dont know how or hes scared. Talk to him girl sometimes you have to talk them through it maybe during sex when you put his hand where you want it tell him it feels good when he does that. encourage him to participate more.

Answer 6

Tell him - look here, blockhead. Women are like ovens - they take time to heat up but once they do man they stay hot for a long time. Men are like lighters - one flick and they are on, and they only last a short time.

So from now on, buster, we have to play the oven-lighter game. You've got to get my oven warm and then hot before I flick your little lighter wheel. And sex is like Chinese food - we're not done until EVERYONE has their cookie. In other words, no orgasm for you until I have mine. Want your own orgasm? Then rub your fingers and tongue right - here-. That horsesh*t about 'whaaa whaaaa whaaa I can't pleasure you' is a cop out. Now grow a spine and get busy, bub, if you want me to pop your cork.

Answer 7

Men often are not that perceptive and get carried away in the act. Tell him exactly what you want when you are not in the heat of the action and tell him it may lead to some extra fun more often and he likely won't have a problem. Most men are dogs when it comes to you know.

Answer 8

I know what you mean. My wife is dull.

Make sure he is feeling no pain from a few drinks. Let him do his thing for a little while, then dominate him. Climb over the top of him and rub that thang in his face until you are done.

If that don't get things right, Call Me!

Answer 9

Speak with him and find out if there's any issues that may be bothering him, e.g. work, finance, etc..Its unusual for a man not to atleast try to pleasure his partner. Aternatively, try watching a sex video together. It can offer some thoughts on foreplay.

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but coming out is probably the only way.
Ignorance is bliss. If he doesn't know that things aren't right, then to him, things are right. You gotta coach him. Forget the whole I shouldn't have to tell him, pride, thing. Tell him what's up, and get things moving for yourself.