Should I tell him how I feel?

Question

I have a friend that I have been intimate with a few times in a no-strings-attached way. We agreed that if either one of us felt that our feelings were changing toward the other - beyond the friends with benefits stage - we would tell them. But we both know that if the feelings were to change it would complicate things (there are some extenuating circumstances, like our relationships we both have with other people). I really like this guy, but I dont want to ruin the way things are now and I am afraid if I tell him how I feel, it will. But then again, I feel like I am not being true to him or me by not telling him. I could very easily fall in love with him and I think that I want to. What should I do?

I have gotten some good answers. And I have realized that I need to add a couple of details. I do not want to lose this guy as a friend. He is awesome. The time I get to spend with him is amazing (though I don't get to see him very often) and we aren't just talking the sexual aspect. I love talking to him. We can talk about things that I won't talk about with others. But, I have a significant other (yeah go ahead and blast me, i know). I love my man, but I am not sure that I am in love with him. So confused.

Answer 1

Just do it already!!! You don't get anywhere not doing anything.

In addition to your extra comments, here are mine:

:-)

Doesn't sound like you love your man... at all... Get out of the other relathionship becuase you don't sound ready to commit (whether to him or anybody else, I don't know). End that one and if you really feel like you got the one you want for sure, no "ifs, ands, or buts" then go for it. I did. I was in a near same situation. We were great friends (3 yr history) and we fell in love with eachother... we didn't want to ruin the amazing bond we had as friends, so we supressed our feelings, but we decided "You are the one, I want you. I don't want to risk the friendship but I don't want to miss a beautiful life with you" Now we're happily married. If it's deep like that, go for it. If it's not, no thing waiting for the real thing.

Answer 2

I realize that I am asking you a question, but I do believe that it will help you in your quest for happiness: what do you really want? do you want this guy to be more than just the guy you are "intimate" with? or just keep him that way? I believe that anyone can fill in the place of "intimate friend", because this kind of relationship is not so hard to establish- we're human beings and as such we are bound to have our physical needs, hence the "no strings attached" part of the contract. However, I do believe that it is by far harder to find someone that is more than the guy you're intimate with; it's the guy that is going to be there when you're at your best and at your worst, depsite yourself, and despite life's greatest trials. This is much harder to establish. I think that just because you guys established this little rule that compelled you to acknoledge your feelings towards one another once they have changed, makes me think that you guys wanted to be together from the get go, only too afraid. I think that it's easier to be intimate with someone, but it's a lot harder to be itimate with someone that you love- there's this whole vulnerability that wasn't there before, both yours and his believe or not, and you're scared. But, seriously now, do you want this status quo to go on forever, or until he falls in love with someone else, and your heart gets broken into a million pieces? If you really want him to be more than just an "intimate" partner, I think you should tell him, you'll feel better, regardless of the consequences. You will not forgive yourself if you kept silent.
Godd Luck.

Answer 3

I would tell him. But if you are involved with someone else - be fair to that person and end it with him first before falling in love with the other guy.

You have to be prepared however, that your guy (almost your booty call) might not return your feelings and then your relationship will be strained.

I personally would never be intimate with someone in a no-strings way but hey it is your life - good luck!

Answer 4

YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND WITH THE OTHERS IN YOUR LIFE. RIGHT NOW, YOUR NO BETTER THAN A CHEATER. ITS IN YOUR HEAD, SO YOUR EMOTIONALLY HAVING AN AFFAIR. THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES. REALIZE THAT STATISTICALLY YOU HAVE A 1/3 CHANCE OF MAKING IT WITH THE OTHER PERSON, BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT STARTED. LYING NEVER WORKS, EVEN IF ITS TO YOURSELF

Answer 5

Yeah you should.

Answer 6

yessssssir........lol