Hi people this is a bit long winded but i will try my best, I think i need to have a work with my dad cause i feel as though he is controlling my life, and he sees me as useless and totally incompitant, i'm 25 and married but managed to get myself in money troubles earlier in the year and when i couldn't see any other way to get out of it i ask my dad for some help(which he did give me) but now he want to take total control of my money even though everything is getting payed and i'm sorting it all, he also constantly snipes at me and when ever i say anything he says i'm out of order and has a right go, it doesn't help that i also work for him, i really don't know what to do, i about to go to the doctor cause i'm so depressed about everything and constantly cry.
He just doesn't seem to see i have grown up now, i am greatful for what he has done for me but he doesn't have to make me feel so bad for making a mistake does he?????
Help people please!!!!!
2006-12-07 08:26:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Hi,
I would say, try to find different work and if you haven't paid your dad back yet, make that a high priority. Having debts with loved ones can really ruin a relationship.
I would also suggest sitting down with your dad and telling him how you feel. Start with that the positives (you are grateful he helped you out), and try to use I-statements. For example: I feel like you are trying to run my life and it makes me feel very sad. Instead of "You control my life and now I'm depressed". It tends to decrease stress levels and doesn't make the other person feel that they have to defend themselves.
Good luck. I hope things work out for you
2006-12-07 09:08:09 · answer #1 · answered by Chava 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are 2 solutions 1- you confront your Dad and you slam the door on him and look for a job elsewehere . to my opinion it is the best way to act 2- you go to him, apologize for your past behavior, tell him you are so grateful for what he did for you and that in the future you will try to seek his advice when you have a doubt. It should mellow him. Will it make him think that you are more capable ? Maybe . It costs nothing to try.. But if you keep on whining and feeling helpless you are doomed.... Good luck. One of my cousin was in this situation in the 70s : he never confronted his Dad, he has not yet overcomed it...and Dad is dead since long... Mind you, it is a very difficult situation and it must be dealt with seriously and at once, else you are going to pay for it all your life.....
2006-12-07 16:33:31 · answer #2 · answered by Mimi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be wise for you to start a search for different employment that means leaving your father. It is not wise for some to work with a close relative.
Yes, I can relate some to children having money problems, but I chose not to dog them about the problem.
work closely at seeing that your debt to him is paid in full and say thanks. then once you have accomplished with this and in a nice way tell him your apreciation , but also let him know you made mistakes and you have corrrected that process and you are an adult now and have to learn to live your life without controls by him being set.
You do have a problem in that it happens to be your father.
you are not alone there are many like you out there. but do consider working elsewhere and that in itself will be the start of a cleaning up so to speak of your problem.
good luck
2006-12-07 16:40:45 · answer #3 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sharing what you have disclosed to us with your dad may be an eye opener to him.
It is difficult to think of your kids as grown ups, believe me, I have children who are grown up but I still think of them as my kids.
Your dad may feel he has failed you in some way because you made a mistake, try to gently remind your dad that he must have made a few mistakes himself and this is all a part of growing up.
Learning from your mistake is a sign of maturity, and you should thank your father for his help and assure him that you have learned your lesson, but unless he is willing to let you live your own life and this means that you will make more mistakes as we all do then you will have to seek employment with someone else or whatever. But discussing and hearts to hearts with your dad can only increase the relationship for the better I truly believe that, good luck. Life is hard, but love pillows it.
2006-12-07 16:33:52 · answer #4 · answered by Neptune2bsure 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work on paying him back the money you owe him, then he won't be able to comment on your spending habits.
2006-12-07 16:31:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋