My husband and I are still trying to rebuild our marriage. He has his own apartment but stays over often. I am having a hard time trusting him, and when we fight, he leaves and goes to the apatment.
One day he said he just wanted to get through the holidays without fighting or causing problems. He also said that after the holidays, something would change.
The next night, he ended up sleeping over and acted as though nothing happened. Then the next, he's back at his apartment not being very talkative when I call him.
What is this game?
2006-12-07 08:18:57 · 32 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know what's really funny? How almost everyone who answers a relationship question automatically sides with the person who asked the question. Well, duh! You're only hearing his/her side of it. Dollars to doughnuts, if this lady's husband were the one to post a question here about their relationship, almost everyone of you would side with him.
Honey, we can't help you without a complete understanding of the situation, and as have said a few of the more thoughtful and balanced people here, there are holes and missing details from your question. He may be playing some game or he may not. You may be giving him reason to behave strangely. Hell, it may very well be that to him, you appear to be acting strangely. With the information we have, we cannot make such a judgement call.
It may be the same case if you asked a friend or family member. In all likelihood, they would get a biased version of events and then being on your side to begin with, would probably give you a biased opinion on what's actually going on.
My suggestion to you is, either talk to someone "on his side" if there is in fact someone who would talk to you and is sincere, or else seek counselling. If you go to a therapist, you must both attend, and secondly and most importantly, you must both agree beforehand that you will take what the therapist says to heart.
I went for counselling with my ex-wife and as soon as she sensed that the therapist was even suggesting that she had something to do with our problems, she bolted and wouldn't go back. You see, she was convinced that she was perfect and that I was the cause of our problems. I eventually ended up leaving her.
2006-12-07 13:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by vinny_the_hack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's true that at least he's home and not out prowling around. However, the video game time should be limited because it has caused marital problems. Does he seriously not see this? Doesn't he miss doing things with you? I mean, he married you because he fell in love with you and I'm sure it wasn't while he was playing video games! I hope he doesn't have the attitude of 'now that I have her I'm done trying.' He needs to KEEP YOU too. Tell him that you're lonely and married him for companionship as well as all the other wonderful things. And now you're unhappy because you feel second to a video game. A lot of guys destress from a day at work with video games. Mine works a puzzle. I know- a little on the boring side but what do you expect from an engineer? =) So, try to compromise. Perhaps set a time limit and have an activity planned for when he's done that way he can't say 'what's the point of not playing if we're not even going to do anything together?'
2016-05-23 04:25:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder why so many people here in Answers automatically assume that someone is having an affair. It almost doesn't even matter what the question is.
Example:
Q: "Why did my husband sneer when he opened the pink tie I got him for his birthday?"
A: "He's cheating! Kick him to the curb!"
There MAY be another woman, but this situation is so simple that I don't see any need to toss that into the mix. What you're describing is perfectly understandable just under the conditions you're stating.
::Breath::
OK, so anyway, this doesn't seem too complicated to me. I assume that when he sleeps over, you have sex with him. Sex = fun, so there he is. At other times you argue. Fighting = not fun, so away he goes. We men are very simple creatures.
2006-12-07 08:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has the best of both worlds. After the holidays somethings going to change? Could be divorce papers, maybe he just doesn't want you lonely for the holidays. Come the new year he could see it as a clean break clean start. Don't come off as needy to him. Try not to argue however wrong he may be. And be prepared for the worst.
Or, just try talking to him in a calm manner about it. Try your hardest not to be accusing or demeaning or anything that may feel like you're putting pressure on him.
Good luck!
2006-12-07 08:24:26 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia 604 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He isn't sure what to do. He is lost. I think he can't make his mind up to move on and is scared to let go.
I don't think he has anyone else, or he wouldn't be coming back home. All you can do is give him space to make a decision. If you don't want to sleep with him, DON'T. If you are worried about him sleeping with someone else tell him that, and that he won't be sleeping with you unless he can prove he isn't messing around. Just be prepared for the worse, and draw the line when you feel you are ready too. I just bet if you are busy or gone somewhere and him coming over is restricted that he will change his tune.
PS: He is scared to let you go, But he SURE don't want someone else with you either........think about it.
Good Luck
2006-12-07 08:35:57 · answer #5 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me he is seeing someone else. How often do you fight? What do you fuss about? Why does he leave? Have you always fought during your relationship? As yourself these questions, think about them and if the answer to the last question is NO then you have have a problem. It sounds to me he is not trying to rebuild your marriage. I'm sorry. Good luck
2006-12-07 08:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by William D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not sure i understand your arrangement. if you are separated, i think you should act like you're separated. that would include not coming over for intimacy and staying the night. if you're really trying to rebuild your marriage, just him moving out and occasionally staying with you isn't going to cut it. you should see a marriage counselor so you can figure out what your differences are and how to get through them. a relationship requires effort from both of you and if his idea is to put you through the same bs while he gets to have his own bachelor pad on the side, that's not going to work. it's just going to prolong the inevitable. good luck.
2006-12-07 08:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The game is called "I Get To Have My Own Place and Bang a Broad on a Semi-Regular Basis When I Don't Have Anyone Else Over At My Place".
I think he's winning.
2006-12-07 08:23:32 · answer #8 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you seeing a professional counselor of some sort? Sounds like your relationship could benefit.
From the sound of it, I'd take a look at the fighting. If he's picking the fights, then he's playing a game. But if the fights are somewhat mutual, then the "game" he's playing is to choose not to fight the easiest way he knows how -- by leaving.
2006-12-07 08:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by jplrvflyer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You left out anything that would make him feel uncomfortable. You mention that he "just wanted to get through the holidays without fighting or causing problems". So what else is happening?
2006-12-07 09:19:18 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋