age difference?

Question

My fiance and I have a 21 year age difference (Im 27, he is 48). This is the BEST relationship both of us have ever been in and we are planning on getting married next year '07. Everyone is ok with us being together except his kids(they are 31,25,and 22). Any advice on how to get them to accept me? Im not looking for them to love me or anything, just act a little more respectful when they are around. I would be a little weirded out too if my father was dating someone my age, but I wouldnt be disrespectful when I was around them.

Answer 1

i don't think there is anything you can do i think it just will take time for them to feel comfortable with it

Answer 2

You're an adult.. I think in many cases, age differences can be a problem. But you're pushing 30, you're not a child, and you probably have figured out what you want out of life. (Hopefully you and your fiance have the same goals - kids, etc.)

You're right that you can't force them to love you, and It's great that you realize this. However, I don't even know if at this point they're ready to accept you. I wouldn't push it at ALL. However, they shouldn't be disrespectful, either. That's just rude and immature (especially of the 31 year old.)

I would say that time is the best cure for this situation.

Good luck. Age differences can be tough.

Answer 3

I strongly suggest that you and your fiance' take his kids out to a nice dinner and over dinner tell them how you both feel about how they are behaving. Be nice, but stand firm. You are not marrying their father to hurt them, you are marrying him because you love him, it's that simple. They are adults and if they refuse to understand then don't see them after the wedding, but don't ever ask your fiance' to choose, if the kids are as selfish as they sound, they'll ask him to do that and they will lose their Dad, until such time they decide to grow up. I wish you and your fiance' all the happiness in the world and the best of luck.

Answer 4

I had the same problem with 4 of them,It's only 1 of them at the moment. but they are still young.
We been together nearly 6 years,have a baby and got married this year,it's been great.

They are 22,25,31 they should respect you and there dad's relationship. They have there own lives so they should let there dad and you to get on with yours.
Just tell them not to talk to you like that,be calm but straight to the point. They are adults now they should act like it. Good Luck X

P.s It will take time,be yourself and don't try so hard.

Answer 5

Get to know them, what they like and love to do. Small gifts are good, but don't make it like a bribe. Small kids are usually easier to bribe- too bad these are all older, around your age. I can see why they are weirded out, since they are all around your age, to them it is probably like their father is dating a friend of their's. Keep in mind that this relationship is your's- you should be happy with it, but if they aren't, that's their problem. I'm glad you have a happy relationship, and as for the kids, hopefully it will get better. Good luck!

Answer 6

Short answer - you can't get anyone to accept or respect you. If your fiance loves you, he will sit down with his kids & explain the relationship with them. If they can't accept it, then he (not you) will tell them to act in a civil way around you. Remember, this is weird for them as well. Be civil and polite at all times. If something better comes out of it, great. If not, you don't want to force your fiance to choose between you and his kids.

Answer 7

My husband and I are 10 years apart, and it didn't bother us at all. It's a long story, but he finally found his adult kids and I'm not old enough to even be their mother! I was so worried about being accepted, and it was awkward upon first meeting, but then everything evened out over a couple months and now they call me Mom instead of Step-Mom. Even though I've had to be a bit harsh with one of them once. I'd say just keep being yourself and hopefully they'll see how happy their father is. It does take time. Good luck, hon and try not to be bothered.

Answer 8

you and your fiance are going to have to sit down and talk to them. let him explain that you are going to be a part of the family and you are to be treated as such and anything short of that will be unacceptable. you need to explain that you are not trying to be their mom and that their opinions have no effect on how you feel about their father and that you plan on being around for a very long time. You all dont have to be the best of friends but you all could at least be respectful towards eachother whenever you all are around each other.

Answer 9

Forget about talking with your fiance. Talk with his kids. Get to know them. Heck you grew up in the same era as them, there must be something that you can relate to with them. That's a huge age difference and with kids older then you, that's kinda weird. But if you are sure he's the one, then don't hold back. Being a father, I don't think I could eventually hook up with someone that was younger than my daughter.

Answer 10

Try all of you getting together and having a discussion with them about your feelings. If that doesnt work maybe once they see how much you love each other and how happy you both are and how happy there father is then maybe they will be more accepting of you as well. best wishes.

Answer 11

To them, their dad probably seems like a creep for liking someone their age. But as I've heard, if you are both over 25, age doesn't really matter.
woah... he's 48 and has a kid that's 31? HE WAS ONLY 17 WHEN HE HAD HIS FIRST KID!!! he's starting to sound promiscuous


Oh Donald Trump said that if his daughter weren't his, he would want to date her...