Should I leave him?

Question

I am in a relationship with a man who has epilepsy. We have been together for six years. The problem being, when he does not take his medication he becomes violent and hurts me. When he is taking his medication he is sweet and adorable. We have a 4 year old daughter together, and she loves her daddy.
I am not in love with him anymore. Actually, I am terrified of him. I feel like I am always one pill away from getting hurt again. But I feel guilty for wanting to leave , as its an illness that causes him to be violent.
I have asked him to take some anger management classes and do couples counseling. He refuses. His doctor has requested he get blood tests monthly to check his medication levels to make sure he is safe, he refuses. Always has an excuse type.
So I gave him until Feb to comply with his doctor, and get into counseling.
But, I kinda want to leave now. Am I aweful, or should I walk?

Answer 1

You wrote...
I am not in love with him anymore.
He is violent...excuses are excuses...but the behavior is unacceptable no matter what the EXCUSE is.
He does not sound serious about changing and you need to ask if you want your child growing up to see Mommy being hurt.
The answer seems obvious.
You only hesitate because no matter what...it is a difficult decision to make.

Answer 2

You know what to do sometimes you have to do things for yourself and not for other people if you are not in love with him anymore then the relationship is dead there is no reason to stay because you have a daughter together, if he is a good father let him see his daughter and spend time with her and take care of her however if you are not happy with him then you need to move on and not feel bad. In the long run if you let things like this be as there are your not only hurting yourself but your child as well because your children can see through you and they also want you to be happy as well.

Answer 3

You're not awful. Even though it's not his fault that he has the disease it is his responsibility to take care of himself and the way he behaves towards others. If he doesn't want to do that then the only way he'll learn is if he realizes what it's like to lose the people he loves. He will come to see that unless he takes steps towards recovery and keeping his disease in check he will lose his family.

Part of being a good parent is protecting your children. There is no reason a child should have to go through the pain of seeing their father act violently towards their mother.

If you don't feel safe, leave.

Answer 4

If there is a possibility that he will harm you or your child, you should leave immediately! Give him six months to straighten his life and medication issues out. Let him know there is a deadline. Be very open and honest about why you left. If he gets things taken care of, go back to him. If not, file for divorce. If you do go back to him, give it your full hearted effort to get back to where you were when you first met. Your child deserves a mother and a father and a happy home but not at the expense of safety.

Answer 5

I feel like you if you arent happy then you should leave because what if the next time you arent so lucky. He could hurt you and your daughter or worst get so mad he could kill both of you. IF you have tried to talk to him and he wont get help then he's never going to get help. I know its a hard step to take but believe me girl when I say this it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but the best decision I ever made in my life.. He can control his illness with medicine and if he wont take it then why should you put you and your kid in it. Walk girl you wont regret it. and if you arent in love with him why be there. Only you can make you happy. Get out while you can. God Bless You and I'll put you in my prayers.There are people out there who can help him but he has to want to help himself first, You cant do it for him.

Answer 6

baby i say leave because the medicine only calm his feelin toward you and when he is not he cant contol his self now I dont care if he is mentally was mentally retarted if he cared about you he really would not hurt you no matter what the problem may be no matter what babygurl dont feel bad cuz even if he has a problem he still has a mind and he can think and if youre afraid aint nothin to gain from it so you should just leave now but let him see his baby on the regular

much luv
ya girl
quita

Answer 7

OK, so he has a medical condition that can be regulated. When he fails to regulate it, he get violent with you. Sometimes, he refuses to regulate it.

This is abuse, physical, plain and simple. You are under no obligation to stay. It sounds like you've made up your mind.

Get on with your life, go and live it. Life is just too short. Leave him.

Answer 8

Tell him you are going to leave unless he shapes up and takes his medicine and apologizes and actis responsible. You might have given him a little too much time (until February) but at least you set a deadline and took positive action. If he still doesn't respond, I think you have to separate. You can't live in fear of violence and mayhem. ESPECIALLY when you have an impressionable 4-year old daughter watching what is going on.

Answer 9

.. if he wont do it for you, and is aware of how much he frightens you then you should drop him, and gain custody of your daughter. Its not fair that you and your child should have tp go through that just becuase he wont go to anger management to try and help himself.
That and the fact your not in love with him, justifies the reason even more.

Answer 10

i'd say leave if your in fear.. you have a child to think of. not only could he hurt you but he could hurt your child too. If he loved you soo much he would do as the DR. wanted him to do. He needs to help himself first before things get too far gone.. good luck