My fiance & I have been together 2 years in April & have been engaged since Nov 24th of this year. Several months ago, I noticed he was having issues with his sexual performance (he is 40 and I an 36). He would blame it on stress or the vitamins he was taking. He went to the Dr for a physical & came home & told me the Dr said it too was the stress in his life, that he would be fine. A few days after that I found the prescription for viagra in his bag. I figured rather than being rude, I would let him tell me so on several occasions I made mention of the great improvement in the bedroom and asked him if the Dr gave him a miracle pill, he said no. There were many other times I gave him the perfect opportunity to tell me about the pills, but he keeps with the lie. When I found the pills, I immediately thought he was not attracted to me any longer & needed a pill in order to be with me, but everyone says it is not my fault or problem. I just dont see why he wont tell me about it.
2006-12-07 08:11:39 · 12 answers · asked by Cali Girl 2 in Health ➔ Men's Health
He isn't telling you about it because he is embarrassed. He may tell you one day; he may not. Don't make it mean anything about you -- it can be very embarrassing to admit that you need chemical assistance. He may even be hiding it from you because he is afraid you will interpret it as meaning he's not attracted to you any longer.
As for that... Around the age of 40, men begin to lose muscle mass, and this is responsible for a lowering in their production of testosterone, the hormone most closely associated with sexual performance. If your fiance isn't very physically active, he may find that hitting the gym regularly helps get him out of his current slump. I know that when I don't work out for a while, I don't enjoy sex as much as I do when I exercise at least a couple times a week. (I'm 50, overweight, but thankfully seem to be keeping up with the muscle mass.)
Furthermore, blood pressure issues can interfere with sexual function. If you hadn't already known, an erection is actually caused by reducing the rate at which blood flows out of the penis, causing it to "inflate" with blood like blowing up a balloon. A a number of factors, including testosterone levels, cause the body to restrict outbound blood flow, and blood fills the chambers inside the penis, producing an erection. So if there are issues with blood pressure and blood flow, it's common to have problems with achieving and maintaining a solid erection.
The point is, though, that there are a lot of purely physical reasons why your fiance might need the Viagra, not one of which has anything to do with his feelings about you. And it's almost certainly his feelings of embarrassment at a loss of sexual potency that is making him conceal this prescription from you. In fact, I believe you should really consider that it's sweet of him to keep you from thinking he doesn't find you desirable any more -- obviously he does, or he wouldn't bother with the Viagra, now, would he?
2006-12-07 08:31:58 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious issue to consider. First of all, there is no reason for him to lie to you, but many men find this issue extremely embarassing. He is hiding his prescription from you and it is likely because he feels ashamed of his "problem". It has gone beyond the "pill" issue now and has drifted into the dangerous world of lying. Mutual trust and understanding should be at the forefront here and I am not seeing that from him. Though his performance has improved in the bedroom, the issue of his lying should now be confronted and discussed. Be gentle though, because there is more than likely an embarassment issue to deal with here. Be patient and understanding. Good luck.
2006-12-07 08:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by Goober W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for you husband about his performance but some men are just to shy about their performance married or not. Viagra is a great pill and has help millions but men are still under the misconception that if you use Viagra then there is something wrong. I have used Viagra for years now and I am proud of it. It has enhanced our sex live but in your case your husband is concerned with his own thoughts about how he thinks he will be perceived by society. Give him a brake, just enjoy his great performance in bed and let him have his privacy and self esteem.
It is not you or him... It is how he thinks of his condition.
Good luck
2006-12-07 08:20:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
humm my bf was 28 when i got with him and he could do nothing with out a pill mainly because of depression,, but when I found out that it did not matter to me and he began to open up more about his problem .. just imagine being a man and not being able to perform for your partner,, i mean as women we don't have that problem all we have to do is lay there and most men want know if we like it or not unless we tell them..if you love him and the Viagra don't matter let it drop and say nothing more about it... that is small potatoes.. instead let him know in small hints that love is what matters not sex unless that is not true,, sometimes when a man reaches a certain age they can not perform they way we want them to that when we decide what is important to us and what not is
2006-12-07 09:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking pills for ED is a healthy normal thing that sometimes takes place in a mans life. But to a man its a sign of losing his man hood. My bf got some too and he is soooo incredibly ashamed about it that I can barley get him to take it (which always results in the problem) I gather its just shameful to them they need help to perform. That is one big thing I feel bad for my bf for. It is so frustrating and shameful to them its just sad. Just tell him if the doctor is treating you for ED please don't be ashamed I think no less of you. Reassure him your not going to think he's worthless because he can't get it to stand for you. Right now he has all kinds of thoughts going on in his head about how your going to take the fact he needs meds to perform. He doesn't want you to think its you causing the problem, which face it women do because we internalize everything.
2006-12-07 08:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not your fault dear,and dont think it is.many guys goes through it,and are ashamed to mention such stuff.i know what hes going through,because i was like that once and my dr. gave me some viagra and i took it for a while and now iam 58 and just as good as i was when i was in my 30s.so dont say he doesnt love you.he needs you right now dear,more then ever,to love him and be understanding.he will be ok,and he will come around and the sex will be just great.good luck to you and your fiance.i hope you both good luck.
2006-12-07 08:36:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Kickstand. He's embarrassed to tell you because he thinks that you will think he's less of a man for taking a pill to assist with sex. Guys are very, very touchy about having their sexual performance rated as being inadequate. Don't beat him up over it. He wants to please himself, but YOU, also. And those suckers are pricey, so he's paying for every time with you. And that's what you get for invading his privacy. You should be glad that he's pleasing you.
2006-12-07 12:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by steviewag 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't "lying", he's embarrassed. Your teasing him about taking a miracle pill only made him more embarassed with his situation.
He didn't want to tell you because you mocked him and made fun of his condition. You should have gone to the doctor with him.
2006-12-07 08:19:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Back off. The guy is probably worried and embarrassed. Eventually, he'll tell you. In the meantime, talk about other interesting things with him.
2006-12-07 09:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be kind of a lose-lose situation, since lying is usually the only way I get to use it anyway...
2016-03-28 22:17:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋