what is a reasonable amount of time for a father to help out with baby, per week?

Question

My husband works as a salesman and travels about 1 week out of the month around the two surrounding states. I stay home full time with our 5 month old daughter ( a desicion we made together and both agreed upon), I keep the house very clean, I cook almost every night, my days aer spent taking care of our daughter and cleaning and cooking and washing clothes etc...I dont mind taking care of these things since thats what a housewife would typically do. However, sometimes I would like to take an hour or so to myself..sometimes not even that long, sometimes i just want to watch a tv show without having to get up and tend to the baby. My husband doesn't watch the baby except for once in a while so that I can take a shower, but as soon as she cries, he brings her to me. How much does a typical husband help with a baby? Am I asking too much to want him to rock her to sleep or watch her for a half hour or anything? whats reasonable? Im tired and frusterated....

Answer 1

IF HE IS GONE 1 WEEK OUT OF THE MONTH HE SHOULD WATCH HER 1 WEEK OUT OF THE MONTH.

Answer 2

His job may take more than 40 hours a week, but you have a job that is 24/7, which is 168 hours a week!

When he come home from work, as far as I'm concerned, you should share the responsibilities equally. Yes, he's tired. Yes, he worked all day. SO DID YOU. You already have at least 1 week a month that you are a single parent and it sounds like for the most part you are a single parent all the time.

The best advice I have is to leave town for a few days. Even if it's only a weekend. Let him care for the baby around the clock for a couple days. Don't feel guilty - visit a friend or family.

Let him try to make himself dinner while juggling a crying baby, or get up for the 15th time in the night! Let him go through 3 outfits (for both of them) before being able to leave the house. Heck, I bet he won't even be able to get it together to actually leave the house!

When you get back have a frank talk with your husband. He will have a better understanding of how stressful caring for a child full-time is. You need to lay down the law and tell him this arrangement is unacceptable to you. It doesn't mean he's a jerk - many men have an outdated model of how raising kids is supposed to work.

My boyfriend stayed home with our son for 7 months (I was home for the first 7, he was home for the next 7). I think every father out there would benefit from this time in so many ways!

Answer 3

The "reasonable" amount of time is going to be however much time you need to yourself to stay sane. There are no set of rules or standards.
I think that little babies can be very intimidating to most men. Until they hit that period where they can sit up on their own and are less dependant most guys I know are scared of them. I know how you feel though.
If you haven't yet, you need to talk to him and let him know how you are feeling. Find out how long he's comfortable being alone with her then negotiate time away. You are going to know her schedule best, so choose a time when she's usually happy, give him the tools he needs to keep her that way ("Baby" really likes this swing if she's fussy. Try putting her feet in lukewarm water if she won't stop crying. etc.) and then leave! Go for a drive. Go get a cup of coffee. Eventually the time that you can stay away will increase the more comfortable that he gets being alone with her and the more sure of himself he becomes.
If this doesn't work, if you can't get an hour or two a day to yourself, do what a friend and I did. Calculate all the hours that you put into doing everything and tell him you deserve a day off once a week and he needs to find a way to make sure you get it.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Every family is different. There is not any correct answer, it all depends on your families commitments. I am a father of a 19 month old boy with a girl expecting next year. I work about 10 hours a day 5 days a week. I spend every spare moment I have with him. I sleep with him (Bad habit, he was spoilt by grandma sleeping with him when he was a new born), I bathe him, I play and read books with him, when he was a baby I fed him too. The only time I get time to myself is when he is asleep and I sneak out until he wakes up looking for me again. I'm perfectly fine with it, because he is my son and I enjoy my time with him. Like I said everyone is different. If you are frustrated and tired, tell him you have plans. Make plans to have a girls night out once every 2 weeks or something. My wife does that and it helps her relax. If he is looking after the baby and she cries tell him to play with her. It is totally reasonable that because you spend so much time with her thaty she is just not comfortable with your husband. All the more reason whjy he should MAKE the effort to spend more time with her. Make him do some of the baby chores like bathing and putting her to bed and playing toys with her.
Finally, your baby needs the both of you. She will grow up more loving and happy if you both bring her up.

Answer 5

As a mother you grow a close connection during pregnancy. You feel the baby growing inside you all the time. The father therefore sees you grow, feels a kick now and then and all of sudden has to see you suffer during labor and so he's a father now. As women our hormones make us want to care for that baby so much, and oh, if anyone would ever dare to touch or hurt it, it awakens the lion in us.
We breastfeed of bottle the baby and grow a very fast connection.
A father there instead has to step in as soon as the baby has arrived. He doesn't know what he needs to do or what is expected of him a lot of times. The only solution is to tell him. They need a break from their work and do things for themselves, well being a mother 24/7 and a housewife is a heel of a job too. Even though you enjoy it, it doesn't mean we enjoy taking a bath and pamper ourselves or go out with our girlfriends and do something fun.
Some man are scared they'll hurt the baby and see you coping right, so why bother. And when he knows what to do, don't expect Is him to do it your way, it's his baby too. And you both need to nuture and raise it. I added some links I thought maybe useful for you both. Good luck.

Answer 6

He's her daddy and needs to be involved too. I think he should help out as much as he can. Cuddle w/ her, play w/ her etc. My husband is great w/ the kids & does what he can.
It could be that you are just trying to do too much & not asking for his help enough. It's not healthy for you or your marriage to build up resentment.
I would just sit him down and say that you appreciate what a good provider he is for the family & how he takes care of you and your daughter. Let him know that you appreciate him, but you feel like you need a break every now and then. Let him know that you would really like it if you could have a little bit of personal time each day when he could play w/ your daughter. Also, let him know that you want him to do this to develop a relationship w/ her now.
Good luck! I think every person needs a little re-coup time, I am sure he will understand. This is new for him too, maybe he's just scared because he's not sure what to do....

Answer 7

You ask an interesting question. How much time is reasonable versus how much time do most dad's spend with their kids would be an even better question. I believe an hour a day would be healthy for all moms. But speaking practically, that rarely happens in most households. Most dads are quick to pass the buck as soon as they feel out of their element.

My doctor told me once to take a bubble bath with the bathroom door locked. Then when the baby cries, there is nothing you can do. If you get real lucky, you won't even hear her.

Your husband my feel scared that he won't handle his daughter the right way. Be sure that you are not critical of his way of caring for her when he is "in charge". If you are he may feel that he can't do anything right.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Oh can I relate to you! I, too, am a stay at home Mom and work part-time at night. I mainly work to keep my sanity and get out away from my daughter on occassion. Don't get me wrong, a little extra cash is nice too.

I'm wondering if your husband is like mine...insecure about proper care of a baby and that's why he comes to you when you baby cries. You need to do things, together, with your baby so your husband knows how to properly tend to her. Does he feed her? Read to her? Sing to her? Change her diapers? Bathe her? Get her dressed? etc. If not, why not?

I agree that you need a break. Perhaps you could have some "me" time when your baby naps so your husband doesn't freak out? This is what I do and it is working out OK. I tell my husband that if he needs anything to call my cell phone; however, he's on his own when I am working. Thankfully, though, our daughter goes to bed just before or almost immediately after I head out for the evening to go to work. Good Luck!

Answer 9

sounds like my life lol i think alot of us go thru this same thing. sometimes i have to beg to be able to take a shower. my husband works sometimes 65-70 hrs a week at a really difficult job, so i try to do all the baby-watching, but if your husband only works 1 week per month, he has no excuse. make him take the reins for a while. tell him you are taking some time off and get out of the house for a while. that way, he can't just hand her back when it's convenient. or designate a certain time each day that's his time to care for the baby. even if it's just one hour.

Answer 10

I think your husband should be a man and help. He helped make the baby. I am very fortunate to have a husband that spends way more time with our daughter then I do. But this way, we don't have to pay a sitter. I work 2 jobs Sunday-Wednesday and every other Friday. He works Thursday-Saturday, 12 hour shifts. On the Fridays that we both work, my mother and mother in law take turns. It all works out. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Any reasonable husband would be willing to help everyday. It's not supposed to be a chore, but to some men it is because they don't have the confidence in themselves to do it alone. It sounds like he needs some coaching...instead of sounding like you nag at him (even though you may not be, to them it probably is), offer some tips, you could even use a baby voice, so it's like the baby is talking to him telling him to do something. It took my husband about 6 months to be comfortable enough to tend to the baby without me having to tell him what to do. Have a nice heart to heart with him and explain that you appreciate all his hard work, but would like to be appreciated for your hard work too, and need a break once in a while. If you can't depend on him, then ask another family member for help...and if all else fails, just cry :) .....then maybe that will get his attention...eheheheheeh