Just found out wife i'm divorcing is pregnant by another man, not sure how to react?

Question

I split from her back in August, she's been seeing another guy since then, and is now 1-2 months pregnant. Our divorce is about to go through. She told me her new man has reacted badly to her pregnancy and doesn't want to take any responsability (suggesting she have an abortion). To be honest I'm not really sure how I feel about this and how to react. I do want my children to have a happy and healthy mother, but I worry about her having a child with this man. On the other hand I'm afraid that this guy will disappear, and that I'll be left to pick up the pieces (she will not be able to cope on her own).
Any advice greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

Wow. Difficult situation.

I can see that you still have some feelings left for her, if not, your reaction would be more along the lines of "It's her problem, let her deal with it."

I guess my first question would be why you two are splitting up. If its a relationship problem (e.g. you just don't talk anymore), you may try to reconcile the relationship. This would be good for your kids. Word of warning - this will be very difficult for you and her, especially if she decides to keep the baby.

If the problem is adultery (yours or hers), then I don't know if the relationship can be put back together. That is a serious breach of trust, and can take years, even decades, before trust is completely restored.

To be sure, don't be her "Shining Knight". Its too late for that. However, you could help her out, without restarting or trying to repair the relationship. That may be your best bet.

Answer 2

You will be there anyway because you already have children with her. It would be totally wrong to just take your kids out and not your children's stepbrother/sister (when she/he gets older).
So, there is no question that you will be there to pick up the pieces because if you buy your child some shoes then you must purchase another for their sister/brother.

Second, you are already there because your soon to be ex wife as you have stated will not be able to cope on her own. And it will be your responsibility as the father of your children to make sure that their mother is OK. "If Mama is happy, everyone is happy!"

Third, I hope you are not asking our advice on an abortion when you said "I worry about her having a child with this man." This is totally her decision and you as the father of your children must be supportive and not degrade her decision in front of the kids.

Fourth, No reaction is needed, just be supportive and as you enjoy your children enjoy the life/birth of the new baby (your children's step brother/sister).

P.S. I hope she gets or has all the information from the soon to be father's driver's licenses and I hope he is working so that the child is supported by Child Support.

Answer 3

my advise to you would be dont worry about it this man she is pregant by should be man enough to step up to the base and except the responsability,im not telling you that you shouldnt care about your x spouse or anything like that but if this baby that she is carrying isnt your dont let her take you down and try to make you fill obligated when its not your let her make the real father pay the consaquenses and not you ,and boy i tell you if you would even concider getting back with her then you would probly have to deal with the guy that she is preganet by all the time,well anyway i cant tell you what to do only you know how you fills and what your heart tells you so what ever you do i hope you make the right choice and do whats right for you first of all and if you to have had kids together i would also think about them to for they will always be a big part of your life weather your together or not and there is nothing that can change that,so when your down and thinking about this stuff and you are thinking about what choices to make just read what we call the bible and it will surely help you out a lot and it will also give you the wisdom you need in your time of troubles and worry ok,thats about all that i can tell you ok and that i wish you the best of luck nomatter what decesion you make,oh one more thing i all most forgot she should have the baby the baby did nothing wrong she did by haveing sex with the guy so dont punish the baby because its not the babys fault its theres

Answer 4

You were Divorcing her anyway Dude so why the concern . Do you not know what the definition of Divorce is. It means you no longer love the person you are Married to and you want to leave her. You know ' Go Away, Take off, Start again, Bye Bye, Cheerio , Good Riddance, And now she is pregnant by another man. She was doing a nixers on the side ,Yea ? That really shows how much she loved you'' Right ??

Answer 5

She's a big girl. She needs to take the consequences for her actions. You can provide some emotional support for your ex, but for the most part, it's between her and this other guy. I think you should put almost all of your energies toward helping your own children understand and cope with both the divorce and this very unfortunate situation.

Your ex can take this guy to court and get the child support she needs. He can't walk off scott free financially even though he may not want to have any personal relationship with the child.

This whole situation is so tragic for all concerned, but particularly for your children and for the unborn child.

Answer 6

Uh.....What exactly are you supposed to be reacting to? She's not your wife anymore, and she's not carrying your child. This whole situation has nothing to do with you. Why would you be "left to pick up the pieces"? There is no reason for you to feel one way or the other about any of this because IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU. If you and your soon-to-be-ex-wife have children between you, then they are your responsibility. Any children that your wife has on her own are not your responsibility to support or worry about. Remember WHY you two are getting divorced.

Answer 7

In some states the HUSBAND is the legal father even if the biological dad is someone else.

That was the case for a friend of mine. His wife had a child by another man. By the time everybody found out "Marty" wasn't the dad, he and "Sally" had bonded as father and daughter. Mom was a big flake and abandoned the baby and her older brother who's father was my friend.

My friend realized the baby girl had NO family (mom's family is unstable as was the bio dad and his family) and became a single dad raising two siblings.

Just because you may not be the bio dad, you can still be a father.

Answer 8

Unfortunately I have been in a similar spot. The obvious answer is to use your head and stand back and not get involved but reality is you aren't going to that. The question is how far are you willing to go. Would you raise this child as yours? I think we both know you would. I think it is obvious that your question is being asked to see if someone out here can come up with something to keep you from thinking with your heart and use your head. You will not find the answer here. You are going to except whatever you have to, at least for now, in order to protect your children's mother and the women you love. Good luck and try to have someone ready to pick up the pieces from you when she decides to be done with you.

Answer 9

Sounds like your a very caring person and your children are lucky to have a father like you!! This really is your Ex-wife decision and she is wrong for putting you in the middle of it. This is not your responsibility for another mans child, and although you want your childrens mother to be healthy and happy for your kids, she made her choice to be with someone else, she has to decide in the end what to do about her child with this man. best wishes.

Answer 10

Life is about chances. Life gives you twists as well. This is one of messed up type of twist. I'm sorry about your divorce and her ignorant boyfriend. In your position, I believe it is only mature that you support her in every way you can and she may be divorced but still your children's mother. You have to give her strength and let her have this baby. It is not the baby's fault that this world contain the Pandora's box. Both of you need to sit down and go over what responsibilities you both are willing to take up. You both have to discuss this in the most mature fashion & restrainting all your emotions. You have to make sure, for your children's sake, she turns out to be a supportive mother to her and the child she is bearing. If it involves child finances, again that needs to be discussed. IF she cannot support that child, its is probably best that you find a way for her - her parents may be? IF it comes down to you supporting this child - you should keep that child, giving love, support, and care as if its your very own child this will be for your the kids' sake in way as well. It may be insane to keep someone else's child but you are doing a very humane act. You would generally be a better person then any other. Please - whatever you do - do it for the kids and from your heart and mind as well!.... Let me know that you think..