How can I get my boyfriend to discuss having a baby?

Question

I got pregnant and miscarried a few months ago. I am wanting to try to have another one. However my boyfriend says he wants to wait until we get a bigger place. We have the money to get a bigger place now but he says no cause he wants to save up more money first. I understand where he is coming from and I've been on birth control since right after I miscarried. I'm not going to stop taking the BC without him knowing cause that is wrong but he won't really even discuss it with me. It's like what he says goes and that's it. This is the only thing that he will not discuss with me. I just want him to see my point of view and see if we could compromise ... any suggestions?

P.S. We are planning to get married but I hate the word fiance

Answer 1

I'm not really sure what to tell you. It is a very delicate situation considering he is probably scared and hurt by the first miscarrage. I know that my aunt had a miscarrage and it took them a long time before they were able to take the chance again. Maybe, and I'm sure you already have, you should try to explain to him that a piece of you is missing something since the miscarrage. That you had something you held very dear to you and then it was taken away and you want that chance back. Maybe telling him that this is what you need to mend what had happened and that everything will work out, things always do. I hope that helps at all...and I am very sorry for you loss. Good luck and I hope you two can come to an understanding.

Answer 2

Definitely sounds like you have discussed it, and you want to discuss it again.

My advice for you is to let your relationship take it's course and don't rush it. I'm sorry that you miscarried a few months ago, but rushing to have a baby now is not going to make up for that. For many, that is a highly emotional and traumatic experience. Just take a break and focus on enjoying every step of your relationship with your boyfriend.

If you have a baby now, the baby will be your life. That is OK, but the baby would benefit from having parents that have worked on having a strong bond. If you try to force your boyfriend to have a baby or do anything before he is ready (and he is right to want to wait at this point), then you will have some issues in your relationship that will in the end come between you.

Answer 3

I'd stick with him on this one. i know it seems unrealistic and like it pushes your dreams even farther back, but honestly he's being smart about it.

Things get so impossibly compicated when a new baby comes, you'll be glad you saved up a little extra cash and dont have to move anytime soon.

Go with him on this one. Its hard enough having a baby with your spouse, let alone your boyfriend who has no contractual obligation to you. Take some time to get squared away, tackle being husband and wife, and then make some babies.

Some series of events are just easier on you than doing them differently. Getting all your ducks in a row, and rings on your fingers really does make things easier in the long run.

You boyfriend is a smart man. And you're a good woman for not trying to trick him by stopping your BC.

you two will make it.

Answer 4

Wait until you are married. By that time, you will both (hopefully) be ready to have a baby and can provide a stable, lasting home for it.

Also, your bf could be upset b/c of the miscarriage. Although it is the woman who deals with actually losing the baby, it can be very hard on the man too. Give him awhile to get over it. He might be afraid that the same thing will happen again.

Answer 5

1)first sit him down
2)figure out if u guys are serious in this relationship (if yes go on with the conversation)
3)talk to him about your life together and what is the purpose of this relationship
4)tell him that it is meant to be that every couple in a serious relationship have a child when ready
5)tell him that u are ready and you can take care of this baby
6)tell him that when u guys was going to have the first baby it was alright and yall didnt know it was coming but this time you guys knows what it takes and it is the same as the first time u got pregant
7)tell him he should want a child to be like him and someone that he can always talk to
8)and if still say no that means he is not ready and that he is still not over what happen with the first one and you have to give him time to get over the proble,

Answer 6

It sounds like you have discussed it. What you want is a way to force this man into becoming a father even though he doesn't want to. Hopefully you won't be able to. The last thing we need is more children who are unwanted by both parents.

Wait until he's ready, or if you don't think he ever wants kids and you do, find a different man.

Answer 7

Wait until you're married and settled in. You also need to get back in shape mentally and physically. I'm not sure why you hate the word fiance. What are you going to think of the word "wife?" All indications point to waiting to have a child.

Answer 8

You can't make anyone do anything. First off, take time for yourselves now. Grow your relationship and consider getting married. Also, you need to ask yourself the reasons you want to have a child now. Weigh whether or not it is fair to you, your boyfriend, and the potential child for you to have a child now.

Answer 9

I think you should wait until you're married to add a baby. I'm sure he's probrably thinking about all of the things that come with a baby, and he wasnts a bit of time to settle things. I"m sure once both of you have settled a bit, he'lll see things your way.

Answer 10

go on with your life, you sound young, do something, school-work, everything that
you won't have an easy time once the babies come, that way there aren't any regrets, have a blast while your YOUNG!! travel, do fun things,,,that is the advice I give my 19year old daughter, and will to her 3 brothers when the time comes!! (I had my fun 1st and now enjoy my children)