I am 22 years old and married little over a year .My husband( 24 yrs)and i did not have sex before we married because he is religous but i was not a virgin he new this and he was a virgin and i was aware of that.Problem is he has no sex drive what so ever we have only had sex 8 times since we married which i do not understand because i keep myself in great shape and take good care of myself. He was a total sweetheart when we dated and a gentleman but became a totally different person after we married becoming cold and bossy/mean toward me. I have tried to speak to him but he wont admit to a problem.I feel angry and lonley i did not tell him i enrolled back into college in NJ because i only need 8 more credits to graduate and bought a one way plane ticket dont know if i should or not?
2006-12-07 07:46:40 · 18 answers · asked by Jane D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel we do not share the same vaules and have very different views on the world but i dont know how to explain that to him are communication is so bad i wish we had dated more than 6 months before marrying.
2006-12-07 07:49:49 · update #1
problem is i dont feel in love with him anymore at this point.
2006-12-07 08:01:14 · update #2
Intimacy is a very important part of a relationship. If you need more and your spouse doesn't satisfy that need, then it's time to get some help...either he needs to see a doctor (odd to have no sex drive at 24) or you two need to go for counseling.
When you have exhausted all possible solutions and the intimacy is still not there, then it's time to let go of the relationship.
2006-12-07 07:53:05 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as lieaving him is concerned I think it would be best for you since clearly he was not honest with you from the beginning. His religion (whatever it is) means nothing to him anymore. Sounds as though he just wanted to get you and marry you then turn into whatever he wished which is exactly what he did. Yes, you should have taken more time to get to know him. If you know he has cheated on you that alone is grounds for divorce. He has shown he doesn't love you and it could be he is seeing someone else now and you are not aware of it. That is something you might want to find out. As far as going back to school is concerned, you should go and it is ok for you to have bought a one-way ticket. It will give you an opportunity to get your feelings stright as well as your head and decide what you really want to do.
2006-12-07 15:57:54 · answer #2 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your HUSBAND. What happened to "for better or worse.?"
You've only been married ONE YEAR. Give it time. But if you have these issues, you really need to get into marriage counseling soon. It is a must, due to the issues you guys have.
As far as school, I'm an advocate for finishing college, but you're a married woman; you can't just pick up and leave. The mature thing to do would be to discuss it with him. It's only 8 credits. Can't you finish where you live, rather than flying off to some other place?
You made decisions when you chose to get married. You really need to get some counseling with him. Leaving isn't going to solve anything.
2006-12-07 15:50:47 · answer #3 · answered by AnswerMom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him and make him listen I belive that sex causes alot of problems in marragies, however you can not just leave talk to him and tell him how you feel and if things keep on like this then you can see you two together down the road you know!! Maybe he has reasons he dont want to have sex talk to him no relationship can work if you cant talk. I mean i get pissed at my fiancee some times because i think we should have sex more than we do but i relized i am just a highly sexual person and i talked to him and he understood where i was comming from and we worked things out! just talk it cant hurt anything!
2006-12-07 15:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its the classic bait and switch where he showed you Mr. Nice Guy while dating and turned into the emotionally abusive distant vapid loveless wasteland where his heart should be - no he won't change honey, he hooked you and it isn't your fault at all. You run and start your life over, no one can blame you for that.
I've had it, I'm going to the white house to lobby for death penalty for these emotionally abusive jerkoffs who reel us in with wine and promises and KNOW that they are jerkoffs but lead us on til we marry them and BOOM jerkoff arrives in a big way. And we're left holding the bag. SCREW THIS!! We suffer, we wonder, we feel ashamed, we take the blame, we wonder what we did wrong, we toil over filing for divorce, meanwhile do you think he cares?? NO!! He sits there on his high horse thinking he's the most rightous right man that ever lived and we're idiots - well IDIOTS OF THE WORLD UNITE!! I say we form a group that physically stones to death any man that pulls this routine!!
2006-12-07 16:11:14 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed this problem with your husband. If he does not know there is a problem then how can he fix it. You need to have a talk with him and find out how to resolve the problem. You said he was religious so he probably does not want a divorce over something like this. You should at least give him a try.
2006-12-07 15:52:00 · answer #6 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, tell him how you feel and what you want, he may be angry that you were not honest with him about the situation but if he really loves you and you love him it may be what you need to tear down the wall between the two of you, it may be necessary to get some counseling for your marriage or admit it is time to go your separate ways if your life is going in differnt directions. best wishes.
2006-12-07 15:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one person in a marriage is unhappy or sees a problem then there is a problem, if he refuses to admit there is one then you need to tell him that if he does not try and fix what you see is a problem then you are going to leave.
2006-12-07 15:51:53 · answer #8 · answered by scout1567 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go back to college. Tell him that when he can treat you like the way you deserve to be treated like he once did, rather than like the jerk he has become, then you'll consider coming back to him. You'll find out just how much you mean to him then.
In the meantime, get your degree!
2006-12-07 15:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should.Your young & smart.His problems are his own.He's not playing fair so tell him to buzz off & do for yourself.Better days are coming.Now,,get on that plane & dont look back.
2006-12-07 15:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋