I cheated on my husband I dont know if I should tell him . I know I wont EVER do it again. Should I tell him that I did it . Or go on an start off clean. I also had doubts that he cheated also. He lied about alot of things. We both made some mistakes an I just want to start over we have started to move on an things are good with us right know. So I am not sure if I should bring it all up again it was a long time ago that I cheated ... Should I tell or not tell ???
2006-12-07 07:40:17 · 32 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to tell him now, would mean disaster for your marriage. start off clean now, forgive yourself for your part in it, and move ahead. ask him if he would go to therapy with you. learn how to communicate with him. if u tell him, even though it has been a long time ago, he will feel like it just happened, and to bring it up now will not get you the response you want, in this case the truth will not set u free, or solve anything.
2006-12-07 07:48:20 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. It's true that if he ever finds out, or there is reason to believe you cheated; you will no doubt not have a chance of saving the relationship. Especially if you both are starting fresh, honesty and no secrets. Telling him the truth and you being able to handle getting the truth about him will be hard for sure, but it's the only way to an open honest no secret relationship. Because if you don't tell him, your not being open honest and holding secrets.
Can you handle it if he cheated? Would you forgive him? Do you want to know if he has or hasn't for sure?
Good Luck
2006-12-07 08:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say tell him, but I would say even more that you all have some serious issues to work out. But here is some food for thought, what if a couple of months from now he finds out from someone else that you cheated on him...he confronts you....you finally tell the truth...everything you 2 have started to rebuild will be demolished and won't matter any more. He will feel like you have been lying to him all a long. Girl, its the choice is really yours. But I believe in honest, I believe if you make a mistake you suffer the consequences and try to work through it. But, by continually lying to him is just going to make matters worse and damage the relationship further. I hope you make the choice that is best for you. You can ask us all and we all are gonna have different theories. What does your heart and mind tell you to do?
2006-12-07 07:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by be happier own a pitbull 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it that you want? Do you want someone to tell you, it's OK, just don't tell and it will all be OK? Honestly, that may be true, but then again it may not be. You state above that it was a long time ago that you cheated..... well if it was that long ago, it must still be on your mind for you to be asking this question. Which leads me to believe that maybe you have answered your own question. Can you live with the lie? Will your conscious let you? You have to decide this, no one else can do it for you!
Good Luck!
2006-12-07 07:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont tell him now, but it sounds like there are problems in your marriage, you say you want to start over but does he? From a guys point of view it sounds like he has probably cheated as well. No matter what anyone says when there is cheating going on there is some type of problem in the marriage or it wouldnt be happening.
2006-12-07 07:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by scout1567 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it was a long time ago, but obviously it's still eating at you. It will continue to keep the two of you from being completely honest with each other until you do. You'll always feel guilty, always on your guard against discovery.
Read "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman and you'll have a better feel for why you did it, how to not do it again, and how the two of you can heal from this. "Surviving an Affair" and "After the Affair" are two other excellent books.
2006-12-07 07:55:55 · answer #6 · answered by Shane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to tell things which will hurt the others. This is how Alcoholic Anonymous recommend handling such situation during the recovery (step ( of 12).
"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence--these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. That will arise in the occasional situation where to make a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we are making amends. Or--quite as important--other people. We cannot, for example, unload a detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. It is wise decision not to tell and you can amend your wrong doing to your husband by doing special favors for him.
2006-12-07 09:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dont tell him, IF you are not still carrying on. If you are commited to making your marriage work, let the past be a lesson, learn from it and go on. If you tell him, it is like having a favorite china cup that you love to drink your coffee out of and someone drops it and breaks it, you glue it back together, but you still always know the crack is there...talk with your pastor, or someone professional. Work on your marriage, you will be a lot wiser in the future.
2006-12-07 07:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by Joyce D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him, will he accept it and let it go or will you for ever hear about it. I personally would not say anything. You obviously see that is was mistake and will not go down that road again, so why hurt your husband not to mention give him something to hold against you. I would suggest just moving forward and letting go of the past.
2006-12-07 07:45:29 · answer #9 · answered by Cali Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. There is no point in telling him, other than to destroy the marriage and hurt him immensely. You've done it once, you know that you won't do it again. Keep it a secret, and live with it. It's the best chance you have to start over.
2006-12-07 08:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by Big Super 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋