in the early five months of our marriage (10 yrs now) we enjoyed a fantastic sexual life, my wife was much more uninhibited and playful in sex than me and let me experience unforgettable moments. After some problems my wife lost her special sexual attitude towards me. At the beginning I tried to talk about it with all my love but eventually I began to think that she didn’t like me anymore and to be jealous of her previous ‘lucky’lovers and I ended up making the big mistake to get angry, offending and being pretentious with her. From that moment on she got blocked with sex although she’s always been having normal (quickies in missionary position) intercourses with me.
I was sorry for what I did so my first concern for years was to make her happy , forgetting my needs, trying to be a loving husband and to make the most of what she could give to me but – despite my best efforts - our sexual relationship hasn’t improved over time and I can’t tell her anything.
I’ve never stopped to remember those 5 months at the beginning. How can I overcome all this?
2006-12-07 07:09:34 · 33 answers · asked by nello 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry that this has happened. But the first 5 mos may have been because it was fresh and new. Now it is sytematic and at least she is still trying to please you by the "quickies". You did not mention age although I will tell you mine does not even get the quickies. I am just not interested ( but i just had a baby and have injuries from an accident). And my problem is it has to be exciting. Sounds like she just got fed up with pleasing you, not you have to put the spice in it and put some chase there.
I would start by not doing so many quickies.....as it sounds she is just "getting it over with". Tell her is this what you want? The try harder to talk with her. Us women are complex when it comes to this and we are all different. Try romance? Try planning something with a surprise? A weekend away of just pampering her may help? And make sure she wants to work on this to!
I wish you luck!
2006-12-07 07:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nello,
To be honest, there is alot of information missing here that pertains to the question. For instance, what were the "problems" your wife had? (I don't want an answer here...keep reading)
The best solution for you, would be a therapist. Not necessarily a sex therapist.... but maybe.
I'm guessing, that there are other areas in your relationship that have suffered over the last 10 years also...and they probably need to be addressed.
Normally, I would try to answer this for you...but with limited information, it's best that I don't. Your best option is a therapist... they're easy to confide in, they'll help you and your wife communicate with one another. For all you know, you're wife may be wondering the same things... it doesn't sound like you talk to her about it.
2006-12-07 07:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd best find a way to sit down and have a calm discussion with her. Shower her with flowers if you think that'll help. Apologize. Then apologize again if your ego can get around it.
She may be responding to you, and there's always the chance that SHE'S going through some kind of psychological changes, too.
Hard to tell from your note.
But one thing's for sure.
If you love her, find a way to communicate and find out what's going on.
If you find out that her whole attitude is changed regarding sex - or you - then perhaps you'd better consider finding a way out of the relationship.
But have a good long talk first.
2006-12-07 07:15:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The good news is you know it is there - it's just a matter of bringing it out again. Not to oversimplify things. I know you may hate this answer but I suggest you tell her exactly what you told us. You are sorry for the past but you want the old her in bed. A question I have is why can't you tell her anything? That seems like the biggest roadblock. It can't be solved unless it is communicated.
2006-12-07 07:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There may be something bothering her deep down. Why don't you talk to her with an open heart and let her know how you feel. Tell her that you love her and that you want to help her in any way you can to get that back. Tell her that she can be open with you and talk to you about what has been going on. Do you guys have kids? If so she may be having depression symptoms.
Talk to her, communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Good luck to you
2006-12-07 07:14:24 · answer #5 · answered by amarilysusa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to rediscover eachother, look into eachothers eyes and remember who you fell in love with. Go do crazy things like have sex in a park, or in a bathroom stall. Be irresponsible.. just as long as you do it together. Plan a romantic weekend NOT AT HOME, and begin by telling her how lucky you guys are to have eachother, and tell her your feelings of intimacy, she is your wife for God's sake...if that fails then I hear marraige counseling is a good way to go. Hope you have some freaky sex man, rock on!
2006-12-07 07:16:36 · answer #6 · answered by nottoobad 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What were these problems...some women go all out to catch the man or to prove themselves...once they get you they lose that drive and become that everyday boring housewife. Blah....return the favor to her and give her those unforgettable moments. Get out of this missionary crap. flip her, bend her, bounce her and drive her! Get some toys or lotions, take it out of the bedroom and MAKE IT LAST. I dont know what problems you 2 went thru and that bit of information might be the missing link. I hope this helps and good luck.
2006-12-07 07:17:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You concern your self with sex to much maybe its time to remember the special times you spent with your wife outside of the bedroom maybe she is disconnected because all you want to do is sex. Try going out on the town do stuff you did when you started dating reinvigorate the relationship she is bored with you and the fires dying you have to keep a woman interested they are not a toy.
2006-12-07 07:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to suggest to you how to overcome it because my husband and I had the same thing happen. I had events happen while with him that cause my sexual urges to leave and he doesn't understand it either. I know I have told him maybe I need to see a doctor and maybe your wife does too. Now don't be offended if the main reason for her being this way is you.
2006-12-07 07:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by wyattj23 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all what exactly didi you tell her it may did hurt her but i think is not a big problem cuz when anybody gets angry they saw things thay don`t really feel but 10 years is a long time i believe you already talk to her about it and i think is something else but anyways you should go and get professional help but with her the too of you.
2006-12-07 07:33:51 · answer #10 · answered by sweety 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋