Can counselling really help me out? Help me answer please?

Question

I am trying to save my marriage. It's kind of strange and I don't know if there are men out there in my situation but I was raised up by a single mother who took a lot of her frustrations from my abusive father out on her, when they were married. Almost one year ago, right before I got married, she told me of the story of how I was born. She said the day she was about to give birth to me, my father almost beat her to death with an iron pole, she was covered in blood and had to escape from him to give birth to me. He smashed the windshield and tried to stop her from leaving and told her "you will not give birth to that child, you won't come back from that hospital alive." I was shocked when i heard the story. I even confirmed the story from my dad's brother. Even after she gave birth to me and moved back in with my father, he continued beatng her to the point she had to run away from home leaving me alone when i was a few weeks old. Growing up she took a lot of her bitterness out on me

She was extremely bitter and still is. I used to have to hear her tell me how I was cursed and how I look like my father and how it brings ugly memories to her. She was an extremely cold woman and once even starved me for a month. The problem now in my adulthood is that it turned me into an extremely paranoid guy. I am married today but sometimes I see my wife as my mother and its scary. When I used to date it was the same thing and same reaction towards women. It has made me an extremely jaded and paranoid guy who has this thing at the back of his mind that women are very cold and destructive and one must really do all he can to put up a wall of protection. I don't know if counselling can help, I've tried it once, maybe i didnt have a good counsellor. But I would like to be FULLY comfortable with my wife and not have the ugly flashbacks, can anyone please provide some suggestions on giving counselling another chance. I really love my wife but I want to make her feel happy

Answer 1

counselling will help you to sort out your feelings so u can feel better

Answer 2

First, I'm sorry about your childhood and all that happened to you and your mom.

Next, good for you for identifying the issues you have. It's brave of you to admit that you see your mom in other women. Many people would not be able to speak or even identify why they feel what they feel.

On that note, about therapy. Therapy works wonders - if you are open to it. You have to abandon yourself to it and allow yourself to go on the ride with it. If you deny it or fight it in any way, it won't work and you're wasting your time. Only if you really want to work through this issue will it be successful.

Beware - sometimess deeply inflicted issues, no matter how painful or dysfunctional, can be hard to counsel, due to the fact that they've been "yours" for so long. In some ways, even abuse can be like an old friend - I know that sounds strange but, that's what you had growing up, its all you know. That can be hard to let go of and change.

Be really open to therapy. And really be comfortable with your therapist. If you're not, or you don't "like" them, find one you do like. Stack the deck in your favor.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I've been thru counseling myself in my past and yes I think it is a great idea for you to go. Be honest with them though since that's the only way they can be of help to you. Past issues we sometimes go thru in our lives without asking for them can come and haunt us in our life. You probably have kept a lot of things inside you but you sound sincere when you say how much you love your wife so I'm sure you will be just fine. ;o) I hope she is a very supportive wife as well. ;o) Maybe try a counselor and see how it goes. If you don't feel comfortable with them try another. That means a lot when your pouring all your issues out that you feel comfortable with the counselor. Good luck to you. ;o)

Answer 4

A good counselor will help you sort this out. He/she will help you sort through why your experiences w/ your mother haunt you to this day. He/she will help w/ why you project your feelings towards your mother onto your spouse. Ultimately I think they will try to get you to a point where you can accept what happened in the past, possibly even forgive your mother for her shortcomings and move on with your life leaving the past in its rightful place. I would suggest counseling. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Having that objective third party is indispensable for sorting through problems of this nature. Good luck.

Answer 5

Counseling will help as long as you want the help.
You have nothing to lose but so much to gain.
I am sorry for your suffering.
No child should have to go this kind of torture.
You owe it to yourself to become healthy again.
Please do not think twice and just make an appointment today.
Take things one day at a time.
I wish you peace and happiness.

Answer 6

Break the cycle save your marriage, most relationships end weather it be marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend because there is lack of communication. Going to counseling helps the communication open back up minus the screaming and yelling and cursing. The mediator helps to effectivly communicate and helps the individual clarify thier points and feelings to their partner.

Answer 7

(((hugs))) I'm soooo sorry that you didn't experience loving parents....anybody would have issues after growing up this way. I do believe counselling can help you...both alone and joint as I red your post re: your wife threatening to cheat...I feel this is very damaging to say to somebody with your background.

Below are 2 links to Dr. Phils website with articles that may be of help to you. I wish you peace & happiness :-)

Answer 8

I believe that counseling may help. They would try and let you know that your mom should not have taken that out on you. Counseling would be a good step to help save your marriage. If you have not talked about this to her then it could also help her to understand what happened and how to help you.

Answer 9

Just want to say that we all have problems from our parents, past... Now when we grown up, adults, we have huge possibilities to learn from good teachers, from books, from others, who is wiser and happier than we...We can improve ourselves and life around us...So, do not stuck in your past with bitterness of your sad, unhappy mother. Show her and your wife that you can be a great son and husband in spite of anything. You are human, so be it, show that you can think, make great decisions and do kind and wonderful things in life.

Answer 10

That was a sad story. I really feel for you. Look towards the Bible for answers. Counseling may help you too.

Answer 11

Ask your wife to go to marriage counseling with you so she knows the whole story, and ask your dooctor if he thinks an anti depressant will help.