I am a 32 year old woman with 2 boys ,2 step kids, and a husband that I think is a wonderful man. I have been abused and mistreated by my first husband(my boys dad).I have been mistreated while growing up I think. I feel like I am close up in a shell. I had to run away from home at 18 and I had to run away from my first marriage when I was 26 and go to a shelter for abused women.My ex husband beat me,cheated on me, and mistreated our kids. After I finally left him, he killed 2 women which one of them was the woman he was cheating with. It is very hard for me to trust anyone. I am so jealous when it comes to my husband talking to other women. I take things like that and run it through the ground. My husband has cheated on me when we were dating. I am so afraid of getting hurt again. I think I brought alot of old baggage into our relationship. I love my husband. He's at home with me all the time, so I don't believe he is cheating, but I take little things he does and run with it.
2006-12-07 06:55:58 · 10 answers · asked by libra38566 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The truth is that you should probably seek professional help. A good counselor will help you work through you issues. You owe it to your husband, kids, and yourself to get some help.
You've had a rough time in life and you can't fix everything that stems from those bad memories by yourself.
2006-12-07 07:01:55 · answer #1 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite common for someone who has been mistreated by an
ex and in childhood that there trust in others is deminished. You should consider getting some professional guidance to overcome some of this hurt. The first thing you must realize is that your first husband was a monster and now your second guy is an angel it is hard for you to relate how you got such a nice guy when you have all these problems to deal with. Well it happens find a good therapist and God if you don't already have him in your life. I'm not throwing anything in your face but God has helped me and my wife battle many issues personal and as a couple so if you don't already start praying it's amazing what can happen when you believe. Anyways enough of that you have found a good man now and I hope you find a way to deal wqith your emotions before he leaves. God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-12-07 15:06:23 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a counselor who specializes in abused women, or at least a support group. It seems like you've never resolved the issues around your abuse, nor really understand the impact it has on your relationships (friends, husband, kids). Until you do, you won't be able to trust, or give and receive love. You will always have the expectation of being abused, cheated on or treated poorly and will continue to be insecure.
You recognize how you've been affected by the abuse, now take the next step and do something about it. It is never too late to grow and turn your life around.
2006-12-07 15:03:06 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't punish your current husband for abuse you have suffered in the past and you can't be afraid of being hurt b/c then you'll never take a chance/let your guard down with current husband so that your marriage will work and so you can develop the trust you need to move on thank God that he brought you out of the previous relationship with your life and that you have a man that loves you, focus more on the good in your life now than the bad in you past.
2006-12-07 15:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the same mental feelings like any other woman. so first don't panic.
First of all, forget about your past, as your fear about past will destroy the present happy scenario.
Then, don't suspect unnecessarily on your husband talking with other girls. Because roughly 50% of the society is composed of girls. so you can't expect and ask him to do so. But at the same time, have a continuous watch on him.
Have romantic conversations with your husband. talk gently and with open hearted. Make him understand your feelings and how you feel get affected by his talking with other women.
Last but not the least pray to the Almighty to lead you as HE has done before and love your children much. Involve yours in any extra curricular activity which keeps you fresh and happy like gardening or book reading (don't go for stupid horror or tragedy books).
Lets hope the best. warm regards.
2006-12-07 15:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by intelligentia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have brought a lot of old baggage into the marriage. I recommend counseling. You need to deal with what you went through. Talking helps and you need to forgive the past abusers because unforgiveness keeps you linked to them. It harms you not them. I am sorry that you went through so much but you can get past it. Also I am a Christian and God has dealt with my pain and brought healing. I recommend that you get to know Him and allow Him to set you free from your pain and damage. Then you can be fully in your marriage and feel the love that your husband has for you. Bless you.
2006-12-07 15:02:10 · answer #6 · answered by JAM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Complete trust in someone sometimes is very illusive. Imagine jumping out of an airplane with a parachute. You have to have complete trust in that parachute. Once in a great while that chute fails to open, but 99 and 9tenths of the time it works. Let go and let your man be the parachute and give him the trust he deserves!!
2006-12-07 15:17:13 · answer #7 · answered by dominicaquilino 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your husband everything you've said here in your question - to be sure he knows how your feeling, then seek some professional help to deal with your feelings and the "baggage".
2006-12-07 15:21:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get marital counseling, because obviously you have issues that you are ready to deal with....
2006-12-07 15:05:41 · answer #9 · answered by kcarter0429 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should see a counselor.
2006-12-07 14:59:14 · answer #10 · answered by A.C.Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋