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I sit in my bathroom toilet wondering when you’ll be announced.
I try to ignore the pain you bring every time around.
Off the beaten track there are mirrors in my naked path
I begin to notice the horror grins of my beloved past.
There are times you bring joy to this day of abomination,
I must not pray since you only bring annihilation.
The end has come near and my wishes are here
The reek of your atrocious odor makes them disappear.

2006-12-07 06:21:52 · 3 answers · asked by jklvpd62 2 in Education & Reference Homework Help

3 answers

It's very hard to read, as the emphasis of words breaks up the pentameter of the poetry. Also consider changing the tense of some lines. On some lines you are in First Person (I sit....) and in others you are in third (the end has come.....)

May I offer a rewrite in non-rhythmic prose ?

I sit in among the tile
...wondering when you will be here

I try to ignore the pain
...you bring when you are here

In my naked path
...the mirrors speak of you

I see the horror
...of my beloved past

My joy is yours
...on this day of abomination

I will not pray
...you only bring annihilation

My wishes are here
....as the end approaches

I smell your atrocious odor
...and they disappear

2006-12-07 06:26:13 · answer #1 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 1 0

What is Iambic Pentameter?

http://www.tqnyc.org/NYC030240/iambic%20_pentameter.htm

*Definition: Iambic pentameter is a meter in poetry. It has an unrhymed line with 5 iambs or feet. Iambic means the stress is on the second syllable, an example is the word good-bye. Pentameter shows us that a line has 5 feet or clusters of two syllables adding up to 10 syllables a line. These feet are marked like this Hello/hello/hello/hello/hello.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter

Iambic pentameter is a meter in poetry. It refers to a line consisting of five iambic feet. The word "pentameter" simply means that there are five feet in the line; iambic pentameter is a line comprising five iambs. The term originally applied to the quantitative meter of Classical Greek poetry, in which an iamb consisted of a short syllable followed by a long syllable.

Fun with Iambic Pentameter

http://www.sp.uconn.edu/~mwh95001/iambic.html

Meter is the organization of speech rhythms (verbal stresses) into regular patterns, in terms of both the arrangement of stresses and their frequency of repetition per line of verse.

http://web.uvic.ca/wguide/Pages/LTMeter.html

iambic pentameter (eye-AM-bik pen-TAM-uh-tuhr)
The most common meter in English verse. It consists of a line ten syllables long that is accented on every second beat (see blank verse). These lines in iambic pentameter are from The Merchant of Venice, by William Shakespeare:

http://www.answers.com/topic/iambic-pentameter

Good luck for the future.

Kevin, Liverpool, England.

2006-12-07 06:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

If you are "sitting in your bathroom toilet" that "reek of atrocious odor" is phew!

2006-12-07 06:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by Pancake 7 · 1 0

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