He knows it bothers me yet he continues to do it. I feel that it undermines the trust in our relationship. He is not a cheater and he is otherwise a good husband. I am so offended when I catch him. I feel disrespected. What should I do? He doesn't seem to care about my feelings enough to stop this behavior.
2006-12-07 05:27:51 · 15 answers · asked by Chrissy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For a liar, he's a good husband- despite hurting you, the disrespect, undermining your trust and relationship and the fact that doesn't care about your feelings? It's not the lying- it's HIM. No, don't tolerate it.
2006-12-07 05:29:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under no circumstances should you tolerate any kind of lying. Believe me, small lies can and usually will lead to bigger ones. Making a habit of telling white lies makes it much easier to transition to bigger ones.
I know this from experience. My ex husband was a compulsive liar. He would lie about the smallest, stupidest things. Eventually, I found out he had been lying about larger things, too, such as whether or not he had paid a bill. Then, he lied and said he was taking a class on Monday nights, but he was really going to meet another woman.
It is a HUGE red flag, and yes it is extremely disrespectful to you.
2006-12-07 05:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you ever stop to think that if he is lying about something so stupid and little, then what are the big things he could lying about?My husband does this same thing, and it has made me to where I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, and I can't even lift the man up. It is hard to live with a man you want to trust, you love him and want to be with him, but you want him to cut the BS!
Tell him he is suppost to be a man, and that he should start acting like it. My husband is fully aware that I do not trust him and we have been together for 10 years. Good luck girl friend!
2006-12-07 05:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know they are "white" (presumably small and harmless)? If he doesn't stop when he knows you dislike it, you have a problem whether you think he's a "good husband" or not. Believe me, I know from hard experience. A chronic liar (even if at first it appears to be small lies) can definitely progress to big lies--covering up/lying about debt, gambling, drugs, other women, you name it. Perhaps he has some "big" lies you just haven't found out about yet. Not a pleasant thought.
2006-12-07 05:40:11 · answer #4 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Know How you feel my hubby does the same thing i dont belive he has ever cheated on me either but it does take trust away !! He told me one time that the stupid things he lies about is that he guess he just knows i would get upset and he didnt want to upset me, So i told him theres nothing i cant get over as long as he always tell the truth the LIES UPSET me MORE!! I know it can really make you feel like they just dont care about you or love you, I told him how do i know your NOT LIEING when you say you love me?? it can really make you feel insecure, I think sometimes its a habbit and maybe they dont even realize when they are doing it
2006-12-07 05:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by mom of two 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lying is a behavior that is very difficult to change especially when it may be something he grew up witnessing...i.e. my mother in law lies so much...it certainly doesn't surprise me when my husband says "white lies" which I always catch him in. I called him on it only once and told him, "you don't need to lie to me because I know the truth as soon as I hear the lie because I know you". He feels foolish ever since I told him that; now when I catch him I just give him the look which allerts him that I know b.s. when I hear it.
2006-12-07 05:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk about when he learned to do these white lies. It sounds like he learned to tell them to cope with something most likely in his childhood. This coping mechanism however is no longer working for him and is in fact undermining his relationship with you. Let him know that eventually your trust will erode to the point where you will be unhappy in the marriage.
2006-12-07 05:42:12 · answer #7 · answered by whitneysmother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would depend what he's lying to you about. Of course, if you have relayed to him in no uncertain terms that it bothers you and makes you feel like he is undermining the trust in your relationship, and he continues to do it, then maybe there is something beneath all of that that you need to talk about.
2006-12-07 05:31:11 · answer #8 · answered by Only1Bree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby does the same thing. He has never been the cheating type, but when I would catch him in those white lies it made me paranoid and made me wonder if he would ever cheat. To my surprise, I found out that he had been cheating on me behind my online, which broke my heart. You never know what mean are capable of....... My take is if they are gonna lie about a little thing, then what else are they gonna lie about?
2006-12-07 05:31:43 · answer #9 · answered by rowriter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on how "white" the lies are. If they are little things, like "im going out with my buddies." when really he is out shopping, it really is ok. but when they start to get bigger, like "Im out with my buddie" but really he is at a bar alone, you may want to confront him. Just remember, white lies are used so they dont hurt people. But if you really cant stand it you should really tell him how you feel, and give reasons why.
2006-12-07 05:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by puppy#4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋