PLEASE HELP me!! Im desperate!!?

Question

Okay, About a month ago I was forced into having intercourse by a guy I know, Im married, I just found out that I am pregnant. My husband told me if I ever cheated he would leave me for sure. I am scared to tell him even though I was forced. I am afraid he wont believe me, and say I wanted it. I wont even tell anybody in fear that he will find out and leave me.And I dont want the embarresment, I would rather that nobody know. I believe the baby is his but the possibility is there that it is the other guys. Should I be honest with him or wait until the baby comes out to see if it is his, and if it isnt then tell him and if not then keep it to myself? (the two guys look extremely different and it will be obvious who's chlild it is) Please help me, I am really hurting and really confused.Any advice would help a lot. Thank you and please no rude comments, Im very fragile right now.

Answer 1

If he forced you, it was rape. You could report this to the police.

Answer 2

Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for your situation! I can understand why you're scared.

I know you don't want to tell anyone, but from one angle, you're going to end up having to tell the truth at some point. If this man forced himself on you, he has raped you. What if he rapes someone else? Does your silence come from the fact that you feel scared that people will judge you because maybe you put yourself in a situation that people may interpret as allowing him to do this i.e. maybe you went to his home as a friend, but he then did this and you're scared that the situation may look like something that it wasn't?

I take it you love your husband, and that sometime's the truth hurts, but if you keep quiet about this for a long period of time, he may well think that you deliberately cheated and took this long to concoct a story. In 9 months, you're going to know either way. There's only a short period of time that you can hide your pregnancy from your husband, so you have this period of time to think what is best.

Will having a baby that isn't your husband's destroy your marriage?

Is an abortion against your beliefs- are you scared that you would potentially be aborting your husband's child rather than the attackers? If you had an abortion, could you hide it from your husband? If he found out, this would all come to light anyway- and he'd be devastated that you lied to him.

Honesty is best policy, really. Does your husband want a son/daughter more than aborting a child that has a 50% chance of not being his? Would he give you that chance at all, or would he demand you had an abortion? Could you give up the child if it belonged to the attacker, or could you keep it- knowing your husband would have to live and love a child that was produced from a very hurtful situation?

Your husband has said he would leave you if you cheated on him. You haven't cheated on him. You are a victim, and any husband who could dare blame his wife for such circumstances is not worth staying with. If you love your husband, and he loves you, then you will have to rely on love to get you through this.

Please find a family member or friend to help you through this difficult time.

Be strong. Hope you come through this okay!

Answer 3

I question your story big time; you seem to be wording it to make it look like you had no choice. You were either raped and you need to contact the police department or you had sex willingly. It takes two to tango. There's no in between so don't say you were a victim if you weren't.

He's going to know so you should tell him anyway; He should leave you if your irresponsible enough to have an affair and then have unprotected sex. You aren't ready or mature enough to be in a relationship and he needs to move on to be honest with you.

Tell him now or he will find out later, and if he does all hell will break loose. It's not fair to him to have to live a lie with you. He should know what kind of person you are behind closed doors. If you really care for him, you'll be honest because you haven't been that yet.

If you were raped, I feel really bad and hope you call the authorities and get help. If you didn't and just felt pressured and then went along with it, then I dont' feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for him and the child. You really messed up and unfortunately what comes around goes around. Good luck, I hope things work out.

Answer 4

First off.. tell your husband and then call the police. You should not let this guy do this to anyone else. If you wait until the baby is born then you be believed even less then now. It is not easy either way you go, but you must turn this guy in. You may not be the only one he has done this to or the last. If you are willing to go to the police about this and press charges, I would think that your husband would believe you at that point. Honesty is always best. You did not cheat you were raped.. big difference there. You must be strong through this. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

No rude comments, but some questions you need to consider:

Why aren't you on the pill? or an IUD or an implant of some sort?

I'm assuming one of the guy is of a different race than you, so obviously the child's heritage would be known. And telling him you were forced is, in his eyes, a bunch of crap, as it would be if he told that to you, whether it is true or not..... it is still a bunch of crap....

If you choose to continue with this pregnancy, you will loose your husband, for sure. (and he would have every right to leave you -- for whatever reason you wish to give, you have betrayed your marriage, and he has proof.... ) If you choose to continue with this pregnancy, and adopt it out, you'll still loose your husband, and the sad part is that you'll get all sorts of promises that you will be part of its life (should you wish to be) , see it grow, yayaydyayda, and all of it is a joke, because as soon as the adopting couple have the kid, they evaporate, and you, hon will NEVER find them (maybe a good thing in your eyes, maybe not).

In your place, the law regards the clump of cells you are carrying at one month as a simple parasite, incabable of life without you, and therefore not yet a child, only the potential of one, just as I have the potential of learning chinese, but am not going to. The law allows you to abort these cells, and tho not the greatest of options, in your place I'd do that..... facing the prospect of being a single mom, having a child I cannot want, a marriage that will be destroyed, and a constant reminder of everyone involved on how this occurred would ruin my life....all of it, forever.... At this point, consider that you are carrying a zygote, as indeed you are. But if you wait too long, the proceedure is difficult, so, you should decide witin a week. Consult Planned Parenthood or your County Health Department. Evaporate to a girlfriend's house in another state, pronto, if needed and heal up there..... it's been done before, hon. Then as far as your husband goes, "shut the hell up" (forever). And forget the crap of "If your husband truly loved you.... yadayada...." Betrayal for any reason, erodes Admiration, Respect, and Trust.... and that, hon, is what a marriage is......

You asked, sweetie. Absolutely for sure in your place I would not tell my husband. That given, these are the options --- (and you can't hide a pregnancy, one is never just a "little bit pregnant").
Write me if you need to talk...

Answer 6

First off I would seek counseling. Any which way you handle this you will most likely need someone to confide in.... there are lots of groups that work with women who have been forced into intecourse (raped). There will be lots of emotions to deal with any way that you go and having a professional to confide in may help out a lot.

I'm a big supporter of honesty, so I would tell, but I would start off with the fact that I was raped. The counseling should be able to help you deal with this so that you know how to approach the situation.

If you decide not to deal with it now just beware that things have a way of coming up when you least expect them too.

Good luck

Answer 7

If you were forced to have sex that means you were raped! This is a serious thing and you need to file a report with the police and most of all tell your husband. It is important to keep the lines of communication going and if indeed you were raped your spouse will understand. You also need to tell your husband that you are now pregnant, but not sure if the child you are carrying is his or the result of being raped. Perhaps he will agree to keeping the child and then have a paternal test done when the baby is here to see if it's his or not.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I would probably call a minister who is outside your normal circle of activities. If you are suicidal then you should find a hot line number for immediate counseling.

They are usually good at pointing people in the right direction for help. I called one once many years ago and decided to stick it out.
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The national number is 1 800 784 2433

I wish you the best and hope that you come to a choice that works for you.

Answer 9

The fact that you didn't report the rape and didn't even call it rape leads me to think that you weren't really forced as you say and that you cheated. I could be wrong though. You should either abort the child or wait to see if it is his. If it is his then keep your mouth shut. If it is not, then make a hard decision. Hope for a girl.

Answer 10

first, r u sure you want this baby? if you r not , you should consider not to take the risk. it will be a big problem for u and ur husband. you should b careful who u r hang out with.

since you r married you should know there r trust and commitment involve so if you want to be with ur husband the baby is not goin to solve any of this problem.

the identity of a married woman and a single girl had a big differetns there i hope you understand i m not blaming you i just think you r still not sure the responsiblility of a married woman.

Answer 11

I understand you fully. I have gaven this ultimatum to my girlfriend also. "If she ever cheats, I will be gone the same day." After reading this I doubt that I would leave her but, I would make sure that you recieve justice. Let him know the situation and be honest. Take the guy who forced you to court. You have DNA evidence when the baby comes that it is his. "If it is" I am sorry for all that you have gone through.and hope for the best outcome possible. Let me know if you need anymore help.