While on deployment my 14-year-old son got into porn, how do I stop his interest from going higher?

Question

While on the deployment, my son would take my Mother's credit card and surf the internet. Since coming home, he has done things that make my husband or I have to punish him. I think that he is doing it just to be punished so that he gets more attention then his 5-year-old sister. He has mentioned several times to my mother that my daughter gets all of the attention and he gets none. I am at my wits end with him and don’t know what to do…

Answer 1

you did not tell us where the computer is located??? If it's in his room, you need to take it out NOW...you need to monitor his usage and the most important of all you need to give him attention and show him that you LOVE him like you love his other sibling...you also need to punish him for stealing his grandmothers credit card...and you might want to start keeping tabs on who he is starting to hang out with...Go to www.dearabby.com she has booklets on adolescents that you and your son might want to read, it will do you both some good...

good luck

Answer 2

Hi,
You've answered your own question in a way. He is doing this for attention, something everyone needs - especially children. Punishing him is not working. He needs your love, support, and positive feedback right now. Take an extra 10-15 minutes out of your day to talk to him about the things he loves. Let him know how much you care about who he is. This punishment thing will draw him further and further from you. There is nothing too unnatural about a 14 year-old boy being interested in porn, but amongst talking about how he is, how school is, or sports, or music, or art - anything he is interested in, you should tell him that the reason you so disapprove of porn is because it often exploits and degrades women. Let him talk to you about him first. Let him do this every day of his life. He needs you. Rather than a temporary solution, showing him you're interested in what he does and loves in a positive realm allows him to do more positive things - because they not only bring him attention, but postive attention at that. No kid wants to be miserable or unhappy. He is trying to get caught for a reason. Since negative consequences are leading to negative behavior, try ignoring the porn issue for a moment and praise his positive behavior. I think you will see that much the same as negativity prompts the same, your positive energy will spur your son to want to do those things that make him deserving of praise. And remember - he IS 14. He's going to be a pain sometimes. It's tough with a five year-old in the house for a teenager. They both need lots of attention. He's growing. If he can tell you how he feels about things or just play a board game with you and feel loved, just that extra 10-15 minutes, you'll have given him so much more than you ever thought you could. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Hard core porn at this age is dangerous for developing normal relationships later on. But you don't mention the even worse fact that he has STOLEN from his grandmother. Take away the computer until he works out a payment plan for the dollars he cost her. Since he is only 14 he will have to mow yards, shovel snow, take down Christmas decorations, wash windows or get a paper route.

When he has paid her, with interest, give the computer back but password protect it.

Now, as far as the attention is concerned, sit down with him and tell him that you hear is complaints. You hope he will understand that a five year old needs much more parental attention than a teenager, but ask him just what kind of attention - where and when - he would like from you. Work out a "parents and son" date night or some regular activity, one on one time. If you schedule enough of it, he will get tired and ask you to quit. If you don't, he'll be getting attention in negative ways.

Answer 4

at age 14 hormones start kicking and your son is probably just now starting to figure how certain "things" work, it's completely normal and actually healthy...however, hardcore gratuitous internet porn is not what he should be looking at right now...granted most men have had a looksy once or twice but it's not something you want your son to make a habit out of....i suggest "accidentally" leaving soft-core magazines somewhere he can find them, if porn is what he's really interested in then that should do the trick...put a passcode on the computer in order to limit the type of content your son will have access to on the web and for goodness sake take away the credit card or get a new one in case he's written down the information...

i have to emphasize that directly punishing him is a bad idea, you may be punishing his use of the credit card but he may think he's in trouble for looking at the porn instead in which case he'll either continue to do it to get the attention he's seeking and continue to misuse money or think the feelings and urges he's starting to experience are wrong or not normal....also, sitting him down will only embarass him and accomplish nothing...the best thing is to casually make it known that he can talk to you or your husband about any questions he may have...you should consider buying him a simple book or two on the "birds and bees" in case he does have questions but is too embarrassed to ask, giving him the books may be awkward for him but once they're in his possession he can read up on his own whenever he wants without going through "the talk"

basically, be aware that kids, especially teens, tend to misinterpret what their parents are trying to communicate...be clear and patient, offer guidance and understanding, and give him time to fix his own mistake...good luck!

Answer 5

Take the computer away for a little while because I'm assuming that his porn collection comes from the computer. Another words he should ONLY be on the computer for schoolwork. Explain to him about how harmful porn is and how disrespectful it is. And get a blocker or something along that sort. Start by having a family night and watch movies or play games. Maybe him and dad could spend some alone time together and while you and your daughter could spend time and vice versa for like once a month. Go see a movie or go out to eat. He just feels a little left out because of little sis. Try to get some one on one time with him. Good Luck.

Answer 6

All females try this. I bear in mind while i became into sixteen my dad stumbled on the porn mags I had stole of him lol.He purely took them away while i became into out and as quickly as I got here back they have been long gone. It happened to maximum of my woman friends besides yet moms and dads on no account point out it. each 14 365 days previous woman has considered some form of porn. We used to have sleepovers while we've been 12 and 13 and watch it on television for the duration of the night at the same time. We didnt have the internet back then lol. i wouldnt be afflicted approximately the two my 14 365 days previous son or daughter observing porn. I did it and so did all my friends. i became into doing way worse issues at 14 and porn became into the least of my moms and dads concerns lol

Answer 7

At 14 boys are starting to get into girls. Him watching porn is not a bad thing, it is normally for a boy his age. Have your husband talk to him about boy things. Also maybe buy him a couple magazines. It is natural for a boy. But he also needs to understand buying porn from the internet is not the way to go about it. It is probably not a bad time to talk to your son about the birds and bees. If you tell him that it is wrong he may feel like he is doing some thing wrong when really he is not. Best thing to do is have your husband talk to him about it. Best of luck.

Answer 8

You seem to have 2 totally separate issues here. He's into porn? He's 14!!!! of course he's into porn, there'd be something wrong with him if he wasn't.

He's behaving in way that attracts negative attention. Try giving him positive attention. When he's behaving well, or even just normally make sure you speak to him, ask him how his day was etc. If he behaves in an unacceptable way punish him by withdrawing the attention he is seeking.

Answer 9

hmmm. id say its no big deal, hes of the age when theyre going to get thier hands on porn no matter what. sit down with his mom and decide how you both feel about it. my friends have a son of that age, and what they did was this. they got their son a small lock box, because they believe that a boy of that age needs at least one area thats completely private, (they usually come with two keys, keep one, but DONT let him know you have it, that way if you suspect drugs, you can check.) then his father moved his box of old playboy magazines into the garage, and "accidentally" left the lid partly open. (dont make it too obvious, youll only shame and embarrass him.) then he sent his son out there to clean things up, and sure enough, a few were missing. they made sure only playboys were out there because theyre not hardcore, and are more gratifying and glorifying to women. they dont debase or show them as whores. (i dont even think ive ever seen an actual shot of a girls nether region.) this teaches him that women are beautiful, and worthy of respect. it also gives him a way to satisfy his curiosity while being safe, and not seeing things you REALLY dont want him to see, like getting hardcore hustlers from his friends, or using a friends computer to look at really bad stuff. also, get a parental lock on the computer, you dont want him to sign up for a site that will charge you out the wazoo. keep in mind that this is normal, and you dont want him to be ashamed of his curiosity or budding sex drive.

Answer 10

definitely get rid of the computer somehow. or get dial up internet. everyone is going to look at porn at 1 time or another but internet porn can become a lifestyle. Do something about the computer. That stuff will mess his head up.