I've gone out with my boyfriend for one year and in several ocassions he has told me that he would prefer for us to live together first and then get married. He got divorced a couple of years ago, that's why he prefers we lived together first. I've told him I wouldn't do that becuase my parents wouldn't accept it if I just left home and moved in with him without getting married. So since there is no other option he has asked me to marry him and we have even started making some plans but he keeps insisting and asking me to move in. What should I do?? To me its clear that he doen't want to get married but he's doing it because he doesnt have any other option. Should I marry him???
2006-12-07 04:50:06 · 49 answers · asked by Denisse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Be an adult and move in with him. It's perfectly reasonable for someone who was burned once to be a little gun-shy about getting married again. Living together is a logical step along that path. You don't mention not wanting to live with him because of your religious beliefs, so I assume you're having sex, etc... Don't live your life for your parents, live it for yourself.
2006-12-07 04:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by alighier 3 · 2⤊ 6⤋
He's not ready to get married. It is best to live with someone before you marry them. However, in your case when parents will not agree. If you can afford to, move out on your own. Stay at your own place and invite him over for weekends. Later, let the weekends turn into a couple nights during the week. If you are in your own place, your parents can argue, but they have no say so over it. You are over 18 I hope? I wouldn't consider marriage until you were 23 or older. Marrying too young, will leave so much for you to wonder about. He does not want to get married yet, as he just went through a divorce, which is absolutely the worst thing in the world to have to go through.
Married for 13 years, until I found out about her second affair. Going through a divorce right now, met someone else, have some seriously strong feelings for her but not ready to get married. Don't know if I will want to put myself in the same situation again with the whole marriage thing. That's probably what he's going through.
He must really love you a lot to contemplate re-marrying. Goodluck!
2006-12-07 04:56:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
That is a tough one as he does love you but he is scared of the commitment again and feel more safe and secure for you guys to move in with each other to see if its going to work...He doesn't want to marry you until he has lived with you due to the simple fact that his divorce has not worked....He doesn't want to have another failed marriage this go around, he wants to take it nice and slow....
How old are you to worry if your parents will like it or not?
I think it is best to move-in with some as you will see the real person that you are willing to marry....
It is strange how if you're dating and spending alot of time together, when you move-in, you will see that person as he is and that is what he wants you to see because there is a big difference from being with someone everyday as oppose to living with them because that person can't hide much...
I say he's only asking you to marry him because he doesn't want to lose you but emotionally, he isn't ready to take that next step and I would not continue with plans of being married....Once you guys are married, he may regret that he had to marry just for you to move-in with him and it will be another failed marriage and you will be just an added statistic too....
Your choice...
2006-12-07 08:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself some questions.
1) Do you love him?
2) Does he love you?
3) Do you want to live with him?
4) Do you want to marry him?
If you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to live with someone. If your answers to the ques. up there are yes, then you have to try to reason with your parents and let them know that this is REALLY what you want to do and that they have every right to care about you, but they shouldn't be worried. If you really love him, you will not make him marry you in order to live with you, if that's not what he wants to do. If he's been divorced recently (like w/in the past 3-5 yrs.) he may still be feeling pretty bitter about marriage depending on the circumstances of his situation. He also may just be wanting you to move in with him because he got used to "married life" of always having another person in the house with him and now that's not there so he's lonely. That's not to say he doesn't really love you, that's just saying that he might be lonely living alone. I would have a VERY serious talk with him to try to figure out why he wants you to move in with him/marry him, etc. when he's just been through that terrible ordeal with the divorce. Keep your wits about you and use your head. If you guys really love one another then you will do what's right for the other person as well as yourselves, whether it's the easiest decision or not.
2006-12-07 05:05:14 · answer #4 · answered by Only1Bree 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First a see a little problem. Doing or not doing something because your parents won't accept it. Since you didn't mention age. I'll assume you are of legal age to be in a serious relationship for a year. If you continue to make your choices based on what your parents want or don't want. I see a rocky road ahead for you in your relationships. Either the Men are going to be resentful of their interferences or that your choices are based on what they want.
You must understand a little that your guy is a little gun shy right now. It seems he cares and loves you enough that he wants you to move in, so you can spend more time together. Maybe he has a hang up right now. He may get over it. But pushing him when he's not ready isn't going to help.
Basing your marriage plans partly because of what your parents want. It's good for you either. You will question yourself most of your marriage. Did he marry me because he wanted to? Or because he felt he had too? New marriages are hard enough without that kind of doubt. If you really love your guy and your parents love you. Then chose what is best for you. They will learn to accept the choice once they see how happy you really are. Because that is what parents want. To see their children happy. Good luck.
2006-12-07 05:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to make your own decisions without your parents. It's not wise to go from living with your parents and jumping straight into marriage anyway.
It's only been a year, so what's the hurry? Your BF is smart in not wanting to jump into another marriage without living together first and getting to know each other better; nobody wants to go through one divorce, let alone two.
Grow up and separate your life from your parents since you are an adult.
I suggest either getting your own place and live on your own for a while or just get engaged, have that ring on your finger to satisfy your parents and move in with your BF.
2006-12-07 05:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by draws_with_crayons 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
NO, not yet. A years isn't a very long time, and you probably still live at hime. Finish your education, if you haven't already. Be prepared to always be able to support yourself. If at this point you are a committed couple, stay that way another year. You will know each other better, and be better prepared to go on together as a married couple.
As far as living together first, there are all sorts of studies, that really prove nothing. And living together does not carry the stigma it once did... it's sort of a personal choice....
2006-12-07 05:00:03 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ask yourself this, Do you love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do, then yes I think you should marry him. But I'll tell ya, living with someone before marriage helps A LOT. It helps you figure out if you can live with them for the rest of your life b/c no matter how much you know him and how long you've been dating, everyone has quirks about them that you don't know about until you have actually lived with them for a while. I lived with my boyfriend for about a month before he proposed to me, I said yes (which would make him my now fiance) and we said we wouldn't start planning the wedding for a few months more. I always wanted to live with someone before deciding to marry them. We have now lived together for over a year and the wedding is in May 2007. I know that I will be able to handle the differences we have b/c we lived together first. Talk to your parents. Tell them that you don't want to end in a divorce b/c you didn't know the guy well enough before marrying him.
2006-12-07 04:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No one can answer that except yourself. Obviously a paragraph doesn't equal the amount of knowledge you know about him from a year of being together. You have to ask yourself the question if you are ready for that kind of commitment or you want to go at it a little bit longer. Living together would be a good trial run for you to see if you both would be compatible living together as you will if you two were to get married. If you truly feel like he's the one go for it. I wish you both luck and if you do decide to marry, congratulations.
2006-12-07 05:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by Grand Master Flex 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
honestly moving in together is probably the best thing, its the best way to see what it would be like to be married and if it'll work.
he's scared that it won't work and wants to make sure it will work this time around. explain that to your parents, that you don't want to make a mistake and marry someone that you can't even live with. tell them it's just a test run. and if it's the sex before marriage that they are worried about tell them you won't sleep together, you just want to see if you can be around this person 24/7 and not drive each other nuts.
but if he just wants to move in and not get married move on, if you want to get married one day and he doesn't why settle for someone who doesn't want the same things you want?
2006-12-07 04:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost, I am in a situation similar to yours. My family thinks we should be married before moving in together. I am in the military and as it is we are already apart. He's in the military too. What helped us was counciling. Knowing what we both wanted out of the relationship we are in now and what we'd want if the relationship went futher. My advice is to go through the counciling, talk to your pastor or priest. It should be free through them. It doesn't have to be marriage counciling but relationship counciling. Then after that decide what is best for the two of you. I assume that you are grown concidering that you're thinking of making a step like that. So, what your family thinks may not be best for you. You will be married to him. Not them. And he's gone through a divorce. Counciling is my best advice for the two of you. See what you want. And live for you. Not your family.
2006-12-07 04:56:58 · answer #11 · answered by DJB 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋