Is lying online the same as lying in the real world?

Question

Okay, so this question was brief and kind of unspecific. I think I might have a lying problem, but I’m just not sure. I’m not pleased with myself, so I seek ways to become other people in the only way I can: online. I’m very good at conning other people online. Now, this may not seem like such a talent and I suppose it’s quite easy to do, but to be able to convince someone I’m a “20-year old male” from anywhere on earth for up to 6 months at a time I must be doing something right. Of course I’m not though, in fact I’m a 16-year-old girl who lives in Texas. But to be able to convince people that I’m someone else is a thrill. To have them to the point where they claim they’re “in love” with me. Now I’m smart enough to know that people say things they don’t mean, much like me, but these people, these girls, mean what they say. And are who they say they are. I avoid speaking about phone numbers, or web cams until they mention it themselves, and when they do I make up an excuse and avoid it again, until they mention it yet again. At this time, when it gets too much to avoid, I simply erase them from my minds and my contact list. And I start over. Now I have no doubt you all will find this strange, but my question is: does this mean I have a lying problem? I’ve been told that people do this kind of stuff all the time, just to experiment. But, I actually absorb myself into the person, so much that for that moment I am that person. Maybe it’s acting. I just don’t know. What do you think?

Yes, I do lie. But I put this up here for a reason. If you don't believe me, I would apreciate it if you wouldn't answer, because therefor your answers are not valuable to me. How is anything true? I put this up here for answers. Take it as reality, even if you're skeptical. Otherwise, if it's false, is there any point in answering?

Answer 1

Well, I admit, I immediately had to smile because -- as the first poster says -- if your problem is pretending to be people you're not, how would we know that you are who you say you are now?

But assuming your post is honest...

Like many people, I have played around at being different people online, just to try on a persona; and on occassion I have stumbled into the problem you're describing, where things got uncomfortable and I had to stop because I didn't want to hurt anyone or confuse them. People do it, and I think we'll all be much happier accepting the fact that an online presence has to be taken with a grain of salt -- things might never be what they seem.

In your case, I think you've got to go deeper than the lying issue.

A big question: Do you always pretend to be the "same thing" (i.e., the 20 year old boy), or do you have a variety of roles that you play? If you consistently pretend to be the young man and find it thrilling to seduce unknowing girls, then why is that?

(If you don't vary your roles, I doubt you can claim you are just 'role-playing' as an actor would, to explore; I think you have an unconscious goal in mind, or you'd vary things up a bit.)

These girls all seem to be your peers. What are your relationships like with your peer groups, in real life? Do you have many girl friends close in age to you, or have you often felt excluded or alienated? Is this possibly an act of venting frustration against your peers, who might not seem to accept you in real life?

Do you pretend to be a young male because of the power you perceive you have? Are you happy being female? Have you ever had doubts about who and what you were, gender-wise? (This is probably a blind alley, but I have to mention it just to cover the possibilities.)

Do you in general feel powerless in your life, or are you unhappy with your current life? Could the charge you get from having power over these girls fill that need momentarily, until the point where the ruse would be exposed?

What do you think about all of this? Do you feel guilt for what you do? Do you ever feel bad when girls fall for you? Or are you indifferent, or even feel like they deserve it on some level? That's another useful question to ask, to figure yourself out.

I find it interesting that you become absorbed in the new persona. Again, since the behavior is not just experimental but ongoing, I have to ask you: Do you currently enjoy your life, or do you wish you were someone else? (or, at least, do you feel relieved to momentarily be someone else?)

What need in you does this behavior seem to temporarily quench? That's the question to ask, to figure out the next step.

Hope this is helpful to you. If you have any questions or want to follow up, feel free to Yahoo message me.

Answer 2

Well, yes and no. It would appear that you surely do have a problem. I can understand the fun of stringing someone along and acting. But deception can be for good or it can be for bad. You are using it for a bad purpose. Think about the pain that you are causing other people. It doesn't really matter whether you are a 16 year old girl or an 80 year old man. You make people believe something they want to believe, build up their expectations and then pull the rug out from under them. Not nice.
I think you should try to channel this talent which you have into something good. As you indicated, this is acting. Maybe you should take up acting?
You have identified one of the most dangerous things about the internet. People can be made to believe they have found THE one single most important thing they have been searching for: love and acceptance. These people invariably are the most susceptible around, and when they are fooled by a predator, then we read about their murder, robbery, or rape.
Maybe you could work with your local police department to use this deception to capture child molesters and other criminals. Most likely they will not be interested in your help until you reach the age of majority, but you could find a rewarding career, eventually.

Answer 3

On one hand, I don't think lying online is the same as lying in the real world. I think people online need to realize that anything online is just a "game" and they shouldn't go getting crazy thinking they're in love with someone they've never even seen before - because most people DO lie about who they are online.

On the other hand, I think you should spend some more time exploring this line of thought. I know it can feel scary and you can be questioning yourself about why you're doing it - and I think you should spend time questioning yourself about it.

The internet can be a "safe" place to try on different roles and experiment with things, because there dont have to be real world reprocussions if we dont get caught. So do you think you're really just doing it because it's "fun to trick people", or is there something deeper going on for you? Could you be doing it because you're interested in how it feels to be treated as a man in our society? Do you feel like a man inside sometimes and want to see whether that gender "fits", so you experiment with it in a safe place? Are you attracted to women and are using this as a way to meet and experiment with dating them? Run those questions around your mind a few times, they might help.

Answer 4

Yes lying is lying. In peron, in a letter, or on the web.

On the web it is possible to create a persona for fun and be larger than life. It seems less harmful than in person lies since everyone knows that people are often not what they seem on the web. So that lets you put it off on them in your mind.

But be careful with the lying thing, it can take you over if you get too used to it. My brother has told so may "stories" now that he has forgotten what real is from our childhood. And afterawhile it becomes obvious to those close to you and can harm your real relationships by eroding trust.

And the stories he tells are like yours - just for the thrill of it. Not usually to cover his but, or harm someone. But it has harmed relationships in our family because as we say we don't know if it is another 'Boy story' or the real deal.

I'd say it's ok to have some fun. but do it on a temp basis as an anonomys user, and don't screw with people long term.

Answer 5

Not only to you have a lying problem, you have self esteem problems, intimacy issues and it's just plain mean! These girls you are decieving are getting hurt, even if you are able to wipe them from your mind, they are real and young and invested in a relationship with you, or rather who they think you are. You are a preditor and should seek some professional help. You are young, if you aren't lying here, and there is help for you, but you need to work on your self. Try turning off the computer for one and living in the real world.

Answer 6

Lying online is a way to protect your identity. Lying in the real world is a lie that people can find out later. You don't provide true identity online is a legit reason. I mean, if we give out true information our information such as, age, address and so on. What is the consequence? It may be worse.
I think you can be forgiven for not telling the truth on line in some way.

Answer 7

I think you should find something more constructive to do with your time. Do you have any real friends, or do you have some kind of self esteem issues? I know it must be hard living in a crap place like Texas, but I'm sure there must be more to do than impersonating people on the net. You must be BORED.

Answer 8

Yup you have a problem... and you could have a bigger problem (more than lying) someday if you take this con thing too far. It may also be why you don't have (or didn't) any answers yet... who wants you looking at them? You, my friend, are a liar... so how do I know that this story is true?

Answer 9

I know lying on the internet it's common but you become yourself in what you want to be, I mean you feel unattractive you say you are attractive and stuff like that, so i wonder if you are having issues with your sex life? i mean, maybe you like girls and you are looking for an excuse for not telling yourself you are homosexual.
i hope you are not, but the way you are leading your fantacies is taking you in that road.

Answer 10

"on-line" is a part of the real world so lying on-line is the same thing and lying to the person's face in my opinion. I think you are sad and should find a nicer hobby. get a life maybe??