my bf is black and my parents are extremely racist and unapproving...i tried talking to them about this in a civilized manner but things only grew worse and they definitively decided that if i continue to date him, they wont finance my college education...
what should i do should i:
a) continue to see him and keep it a secret
b) tel my parents to go f*** themeselves and continue to see him and take out loans from the bank (i would need to look for loans that arent need-based) for college (which would be around 40 k a year....yes...my college is very expensive lol)
c) go along with my parents rules for the meantime (since i am living with them) until i get to college...
i really want to go with a) but i kno that that would be extremly unfair for him since he has told his whole family about me...and he doesnt deserve and wouldnt like to be kept a secret...i dono....b) also sounds VERY appealing but how the hell am i gona be able to pay all those loans back? i dono....
2006-12-07 03:19:44 · 13 answers · asked by Andrea P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes we ARE very much in love w/ each other and im not doing this to piss off my parents but it seems like theyre ASKING for it....besides....i think that this goes beyond me and my bf as well....even if i do break up w/ him one day for w/e reason....im pretty sure that my parents will continue to try to manipulate and control me...so thats y im really considering option b.
2006-12-07 03:21:58 · update #1
Just continue to see him...they'll get used to the idea(hopefully) and come around in time. If not you have each other...continue to see him no-matter what the cost. If he loves you..stand by him and show ignorant racist that this is how life should be...love one another regardless...Good luck girl and hope you have a wonderful future with him.
2006-12-07 03:25:08 · answer #1 · answered by justwonderingwhatever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you know what you want and your looking for validation. This question is about what you value most. You know in your heart what is right for you. You are correct in knowing that this is just a form of control on your parents part. And you already know that it will get worse if you give into their every request. You have to make some serious decisions. Because more than likely they will add more repercussions once they've found out your decision. Not only will they not pay for your college but they might try to kick you out of the house and push you away from them completely. They feel that their money is more important to you than love and independence. And they obviously feel this is a battle that they will win. So you must explain to them that you love them and repect them dearly. And that you don't want to make things hard on the family but that you must live your own life. You must experience life your way, choose as you wish and learn from your own mistakes. Do they lack faith in their parenting skills?
I do know that it is a cruel world out there. I also know that good paying jobs are hard to come by without an education. And I have learned that love don't happen everyday. Some people never find true passionate love. So you are left with some tough decisions and as I stated earlier it has all to do with what you value. What you want in your life. Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-12-07 03:56:57 · answer #2 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right in not wanting to keep him a secret. Part of being an independant adult is making your own decisions and sticking to them and dealing with the consequences. How would you feel if you graduated college in 4 years, your parents having paid for it all and then telling them the whole time you were lying to them. Its going to take away from the moment. If you really love this person, I say take out the loans. That is the only way your parents are ever going to know that you are serious and ready to be an adult. Plus, imagine how proud you would be of yourself to say that you put yourself thru college!
Also, I know you probably wouldn't want to do this since it seems you are set on a particular college, but community college and state universities are alot cheaper than private or ivy league colleges, just an option. :-) Good luck!
2006-12-07 03:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Princess~C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're nuts--just my opinion. Unfortunately, you won't learn the lesson until it takes 15 years of your working life to pay back those loans. I'm sure your parents have made it easy for you up until now....heck you're in college so it's not like they can control your every move now. But if that bf is so alluring, maybe he can finance your college education. You also need to study up on how cultural differences can be a real challenge....life is hard enough. Your parents probably have your best interest at heart and you seem to be tickled that dating this particular guy irritates them so much. I wonder if you'd feel the same if they didn't like the guy of your own race that you were dating. Problem is that guys of your own race will no longer consider you in the appropriate category. Good Luck with that. And hey remember--you asked for opinions so don't be offended.
2006-12-07 03:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are idiots! If you really love your boyfriend, stay with him and pay for your own college. But sit down and tell your parents of your decision and ask them what will happen if you marry this man and have children. Will they shun their own grandchildren? Will they exclude you from family gatherings? Tell them if he is not welcome in their home, then you will not be coming around. Take out loans if you have to. Tell your parents that your morals cannot be bought. If your college is that expensive, I would assume that you are planning on getting a decent paying job when you graduate. Many people take out loans, so it would not be the end of the worlds.
Just make sure your boyfriend is worth it and you truly love him and are not staying with him to rebel against your parents.
2006-12-07 03:25:29 · answer #5 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation. To be honest... no person you're dating is worth the price of an education. Fact is...being in college, you're education will likely get you farther in life than this man will. I'm not trying to be a jerk...I'm just trying to tell it like it is.
Don't get me wrong... I believe in love... but you do sound young.... and that leads me to believe that there's a good chance you won't marry...
Where will you be in 5 years, if you take option B... and you and this guy break up in 3 months?
How about option D... You talk to your boyfriend about this. Explain to him your dilemma.. and tell him that you really want to go with option B...but in order to do that, you'd need to marry him. If you're both truly in love... then this is where you'll end up anyways. Then you can BOTH share the costs of your education....
2006-12-07 03:34:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time in life that we have to make our own decision whether the world agrees with us or not, and that includes parents, as to how we want to live our lives. You have come to that crossroads. All I can say to you is to let your decision be made upon what you truly believe. Do you believe you are still a little girl or do you believe you are a woman? Making decisions also means that we have to put up with those who don't agree, it's called
WELCOME TO LIFE; may yours be brighter.
2006-12-07 03:30:14 · answer #7 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At you age I would go with option 'C'. Go along with your parents wishes, get your education, and then when you are no longer tied to your parents, let them have it. I would normally say option 'B' but you don't have many options and you need that education to be free of them in the future.
2006-12-07 03:23:06 · answer #8 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go with C for the mean time. You really have no choice. You wouldn't want to forfeit your future for a man yet would you? when you graduate college then date whom ever you like to, and they can't say anything to you since you are the one paying the bills. I wish you well.
2006-12-07 03:24:13 · answer #9 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would keep it a secret. It is wrong to be manipulated, so manipulate a little back. You do not really want to get into that much debt. I did that and regret it.
2006-12-07 03:24:19 · answer #10 · answered by Abigail 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋