What do you do when someone you love seems to get depressed very easily ?

Question

Several people in my life tend to get deeply depressed about their life and always come to me to talk about it. I am a good listener, but I am also a very optimistic person and I don't dwell for long on negative things in my own life. I am finding it very hard to give them good advice on how to overcome their sadness. It is something that comes easy for me, but they never seem to understand when I tell them that being a happy person isn't something that happens to you, YOU have to CHOOSE to be happy and do it yourself. Aparrently this advice only works for some people, and not for all.
Anyway, I am starting to feel a little weighed down by all the people I know who are always depressed and wonderring what else I can possibly do for them. So far my advice seems to go in one ear and out the other.
Last week with my boyfriend, he was telling me about something that was making him depressed. I am getting tired of always feeling like peoples counselor...I don't know what to do

Answer 1

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. It's true that people can be draining when you are the one who listens to them all the time.

You need to step back from others and also do something nice for yourself. If you are always the one who is listening to other people's problems you will become worn out over time.

Just remember that they have to work out their own problems because you can't do that for them. If your boyfriend is depressed then maybe he should see a doctor if you notice his is going on for a long time?

For all you know he could be suffering with depression? Also my advice or any other person's advice out here doesn't take the place of a doctor either. Maybe it is even something that could last short term?

The best thing you could do for both of you is to suggest he talk with his family doctor and his family doctor could give him a referral to a counsellor. Maybe you could even suggest to him that you will go with him and see's what he says about that?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression

I would also agree with what Die Fledermaus said about the type of doctor because drugs tend to mask the problem rather then get to the root of what's causing it.

You could also try a natural path doctor and I don't know if they are covered under your medical in your country? Not sure if you are in Canada or the US. St. John's wort is an herb that's good for depression. Vitamins are also helpful. Try the Vitamin bible.

http://www.prevention.com/category/1,,s1-1-74-0-0-0,00.html

Answer 2

If it's a steady pattern I would refer them to professional help, someone who can listen and advise properly without it weighing heavy on their heart like it is yours. I personally believe psychologists are better than psychiatrists because they are not dependent on drugs, I think, and have seen in friends treated both ways, that antidepressants only perpetuate the problem and treat the symptoms but do very little (or are even counterproductive) to solve the real problem. If it's not a steady pattern, but rather just something that pops up now and again, you can play therapist by getting to the root of the problem, the cause, and advise your friend on what they can do to fix it, maybe even lend a hand. ie if their depression is because they're single and alone, introduce them to someone else you know, even if you know they won't click, dating is a learning process.

Answer 3

Listen for 5 minutes and then change the subject. If they don't stop than tell them you have to be somewhere in a few minutes. Do that a few times and they may get the hint. If not then go find some happy new friends. Life is too short to listen to all that negativity.

Answer 4

Today's lifestyle is prone to stress and depression compared to the lifestyles of yesteryear's. People are often stressed out and seek comfort in a compassionate person. You happen to be one of those persons.
Nothing wrong with helping others but you should also take time out for yourself. When a lot of "negativity" surrounds you, give yourself a break to breathe and to regain your strength. Too much depression is suffocating. That is not a good sign. Recharge by indulging in things that uplift your spirits. Listen to their stories but don't let yourself be entangled by their problems. A little detachment won't hurt.

Answer 5

people come to you BECAUSE you are positive. They see something in you they long to have, so they come and talk because they hope to find the answer.
The problem is that you're only human - you have bad moments, too, like when so many people come and depress YOU with their depression.
Misery loves company...
I would work out, literally, with each one - physical excercise stimulates pheromones and releases seratonin - they'll feel better after a talk AND a walk.

Answer 6

maybe people just like to talk to you. maybe you comfort them. you ARE a good listener. If it is bringing you down, then you have to find new friends. If you can tolerate a little whining here and there, then be a friend, because once something happens to you and you get depressed, those people will want to return the favor. What comes around goes around. Just my opinion. good luck.

Answer 7

You've put yourself in the spot of counselor and the only way to get out of the role is to quit counseling. Try telling them that you can listen but you can't advise them. It's up to them what they're going to do.

Your counseling is doing nobody any good. You aren't dr. phil and they should be more considerate also. Your boyfriend should be showing you a good time.

Answer 8

Every one gets depressed. If it lasts longer than a month or two then they are most likely clinically depressed and need to see a therapists and possible some medication

Answer 9

Hold a party and invite everyone who claims depression. Tell them all how you feel and discuss they get help for themselves. Otherwise you'll have to start charging for each individual advice session!

Answer 10

well if people trust you to tell you these things that makes you a good person. just try your best to explain that somethimes it just takes time or just help a person once day, by making nice complement. i used to be very depressed but my friends just took it day by day and just let me know it would take time they told me i was a good person and kept with me after a while it egets easier.