I have an 11 year old son, and its time for the "talk" I want to educate him the best way I can ecspeacially about teenage pregnancies and even though I dont condon underage sex, I want to also educate him on protection and the precautions if he dosent use it. I dont want him to be another teenage statistic, I want him to be smart and well educated and when the time comes he does get sexually involved I want him to be responsible about it (Oh God I hope that day doesnt happen any time soon). Are there any good books out there he can read, and for discussion do parents out there have any advice how I would approach my son about this? I feel its important. Thank you
2006-12-07 02:50:13 · 13 answers · asked by onehotmama 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I'm not a parent, but I'm the oldest sister of 6 brothers and 1 sister. This means, I'm the one they come to, to complain about how mom and dad gave 'the talk' and how it was horrible, and then I get the questions that mom and dad didn't answer. The bottom line is don't drag it on. Of course go about the regulars, what a condom is and why he should use it. Exactly what sex is and how it works. (If you don't explain that, they'll just go online and end up getting a distorted idea of sex) And don't forget to tell him that masturbation is normal, healthy, and can be done guilt free. It's always a safe alternative to sex. Something that might help is for you to go online and see if there's something for you to print out for your son that you can let him look over on his own after you're done talking with him.
And if you're nervous, try to pretend you're not. Make it seem like no big deal. That way he'll be more likely to go to you with questions instead of a recess buddy. (Or older sibling) You want that comfort and trust to be with the parent.
Also keep in mind that this is only talk #1. The stuff to explain to an 11 yr old is different from the talk that you should have with your 9th grader. Talk #1 is the what and how. Talk #2 goes into oral sex, using protection EVEN if a girl says she's on birthcontrol, what it means to be ready for sex and to love your partner, never forcing yourself on someone, etc. You know your son of course, but those things if brought on too early can just be confusing. (And send them running to their older sister to figure out what it all really means)
Good Luck! I know how akward these conversations can be.
2006-12-07 03:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You could start by asking him if he has any questions. I also have an 11 year old and my husband and I have been having conversations with him for a few years now. My advice would be to not have just one conversation with him. Have numerous! For example, If a TV show has an episode dealing with teen pregancy talk to him about it and what he thinks. Ask him what he knows and then inform him. Just because you talk about sex and using protection doesn't mean you are giving any kind of approval. State that clearly to him! Sex can be deadly these days with all of the STDs that are out there.
The important thing is to keep the lines of commujnication open and free. Answer honestly, remember all of the misinformation you received (like you won't get pregnant if you jump up and down afterwards). Always check to see what he has been told.
2006-12-07 03:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by noahmom95 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound nervous, worried and over stressed about this. ("oh god, I hope that day doesn't happen anytime soon"). That is the WORSE mental attitude to take when confronting anyone, let alone a pre-teen. They pick up on that immediatley, and no matter what you say, actions speak volumes. You're going to make sex sound fun and mysterious if you don't chill. Try to be calm and positive that your boy will have enough brains, (they DO, you know), to know what's right and wrong. If you raised him to be a gentleman so far, then he'll have brains enough already. You just need to gently REMIND him to STAY that way!
2006-12-07 02:59:52 · answer #3 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
lol I have a 13 year old stepson and heres how it goes. Talk to him that's the best way there is. Sometimes to a kid books are confusing. Not to mention he may be too embarrassed to ask you questions from the book. Too many parents now and days just throw a book to avoid talk and that's when things happen. Just talk. Hey I also have a 15 year old daughter imagine what my challenge was as well lol. The good thing is you are alert and you show you love your son...
2006-12-07 02:59:49 · answer #4 · answered by Alyssa C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. I had girls so I was very careful that they understood the mechanics early on. Explaining how sex works doesn't make them want to do it any sooner. They will be ready when they are ready and do it in their own time regardless of how we feel about it. I wasn't sure mothers of boys necessarily gave it the same consideration, I'm glad they do.
Don't force the issue. Make sure he has access to material which might generate the discussion. Respond to his natural curiosity in a positive and honest way. My youngest daughter and I used to watch a teen soap called.........um....life as we know it.......I think......with kelly osbourne in it. We made a conscious effort to watch it together and discuss the issues that were raised during the program. Ok she was a bit older, and a lot of them weren't sex related but it was a useful exercise for us.
Good luck
2006-12-07 02:59:34 · answer #5 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I was elven i would do that also and so would my best friend. I would be in the bathroom and shouting about my day at school. I got over when i decided to just sing songs and when i have a talking rampage just scream as loud as i can, attack my pillow, and kiss my cat... It is a VERY strange routine but i still use it and it works for me and my best friend. So give it a try. And if you don't have a cat or dog have him kiss a pillow. It worked when i could find my cat...
2016-05-23 03:34:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright, I just posted a question last night about my 11 year old saying he had a girlfriend, and your telling me that I have to already start worrying about sex. What in the devil is this world coming to?
2006-12-07 03:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by crashqueen_77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would buy any book about puberty, anatomy, and pregnancy- all in one. Sit him down and tell him a bit about the bird and the bees and voice your concerns. Then, ask if he has any questions and answer them as best as possible. If it is awkward and he ignores you, give him the book and tell him that if he has any more questions that you are always there for him. He'll read it, trust me.
2006-12-07 04:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by Kristen H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good to see that u care for yr son and for his future.
i would recommend u to ask him if he got any sex queries ,talk more frequent to him.
if u r comfortable wit him than u can tell him how things are done and what things should be kept in mind.and i don't think teaching through internet sites is the best thing as than kids often access porn sites and things get worse.
so best is if u can teach him by your own.
2006-12-07 16:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by terri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen Up I'm am also 11 so and i know every thing about it so he probably knows from his Friends and older kids at school i learned it here to so just ask if knows about it and he will probably will be honest to you
2006-12-07 05:20:24 · answer #10 · answered by hulk_hogan_rulez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋