Why do some moms devalue their child's relationship with the father?

Question

My husband had shared custody of his daughter but her mother does not think that it is important for her to see him. He has relocated twice to follow his daughter as her mother moved her from city to city. He has her at least two days every week, provides a home for her and everything she needs, AND pays child support and health insurance. He has a great relationship with his kid, very loving and supportive. And she is well-adjusted, going back and forth from house to house weekly is hard but she deals pretty well. She even said the other day that she felt lucky to have two houses, two bedrooms, etc.
So why does the mother continue to treat him like he does nothing for his child, like he doesn't matter? She doesn't want him to share in decision making about the child, and she is not interested in improving their relationship, so that they can have a healthy, working relationship. Why doesn't she see how important he is to his daughter, and that he really is a good parent?

FYI Mom is married and has had another child. My husband's daughter has an okay relationship with her stepdad, but they are not close. He works long hours and doesn't participate much in the family.

Answer 1

She was probably raised in a father-less family or was taught at a young age that the mother in a child's life is more important then the father but usually people act this way because it was taught to them at a young age or they witness it. Either way it's the child that matters here so remember to be a good friend to his daughter, show good examples, and be a role-model, believe it or not but by your husband being consistently in her life he is breaking the cycle in which her mother is teaching her. Good luck!

Answer 2

She does not wish to share any more than she has to and does not want the daughter to enjoy living with dad more than mom for fear of losing her. She is afraid if they have a good relationship her daughter will start to want to be over at Dads more. She has already lost one very important person in her life she does not want to lose the other. Her husband has you and so he does not feel the loss like she does. Do you try to include her in family things like Christmas dinner or Fourth of July picnics? It would not only make her feel less lonely but it would make the daughter feel even more adjusted.

Answer 3

I am on both sides of the fence on this one. My husband's ex-wife does similar things. What we have noticed is that it is out of sheer selfishness, jealousy, and bitterness. Hopefully your husband will continue having a relationship with his daughter. If her mother is making it impossible, then consider legal action. We did. On the other side of the coin, being that I was previously a divorced mom, in our case, my ex-husband chose to be next to non-existent in their lives. He has hurt them so much over the years by his own choice, etc. So, in this case, I do act very much like this other mother, but because I fought for their well-being and won sole custody. For me, it was about protecting them from emotional games, etc. I wish you the best of luck...it's not easy, but definately support your hubby! His daughter will know and understand the truth when she's older. Mine did.

Answer 4

Sounds like the mother is a very bitter woman and is using the daughter as a weapon.The mother needs to leave the past in the past and grow up.Maybe your husband should fight for full custody of his child.Your husband sounds like a fantastic father doing everything he can for his daughter.I am very sorry to hear this,I hope everything works out for you,your husband and his daughter.

Answer 5

That is how she feels she has control over her ex husband..... many women do this because the husband hurt them so they use thier children to hurt the husband.... It is very childish and immature but happens..... They need to set down and speak to one another and clean up the hard feelings before it affects the lil girl.... She is more important then any little fight they have with one another........ Good Luck

Answer 6

I think it has to do with bitterness and the urge for revenge after the divorce.I've seen it happen to a lot of people.What divorced couples need to do is try to get along and do what's best for the children.When they act like that,the children are the ones who suffer for it.Parents need to get along at least for the sake of their children. In this kind of situation parents set a bad example for their children and maybe don't even realize it.

Answer 7

She' jealous he left her and has moved on with his life. She can't hurt him herself, because she holds no emotions over him, but hi daughter does,and she knows that so the only way to hurt him now is by using his daughter to do it.
Sad yes...but that's what happens when immature women have kids with men that don't love them, thinking their going to be set for life.
Stand by your husband and love him.

Answer 8

i think that it is wrong for her to think that she shouldn't see her dad. I am goin on 17, my parents are still together but my mom doesn't think that i should spend time with my dad. My mom and I aren't close, and she knows that the only person i can really talk to is my dad. But im still not sure why she denies me of my time with him. But i think that it is very wrong. I believe that children need valuable time with BOTH parents!

Answer 9

most of my friends go through the same thing. its like just because it didnt work out between the parents, its like the mothers use their own children against them. im glad my daughters mother isnt like that!

Answer 10

Ways to control and hurt someone who perhaps hurt you. It is not the child's fault--and the child should never be put in a position to choose.