How do I stop worrying about things?

Question

I seem to worry about things a lot, mostly daft things but it keeps me awake all night sometimes. I'm having a legal dispute with a builder just now and everytime theres a development I just cant stop thinking about it.
My job involves enforcement and issuing fines etc. and while I'm on the job I take **** from no-one, but later worry about how they feel (even though they got themselves into the situation).
I've even worried about some of the folk on 'Answers' who are going through a hard time.
How can I stop this and toughen up?

Cheers everybody so far, as for the first reply, you'd better pray you never have to deal with me personally cos I can be an utter *****.

And no I'm not a traffic warden, I mostly deal with Environmental issues.

Answer 1

The short answer is that you need to talk to somebody about this. You cannot give enough information over the internet to be advised by computer.

Have you been to your doctor? He might help with sleeping pills, which can act as a sort of "sticking plaster", although obviously you need to address the basic problems that are worrying you. Your doctor might also suggest some counselling, or you might find somebody privately. By the way, from what you have written I mean counselling in the sense of somebody who will listen to your natural problems, not in the sense of there being something worng with you that needs sorting out. Another possibility would be to ring the Samaritans, who are totally confidential and don't require you to go through any other agency.

If your legal dispute involves a lawyer, you should tell him or her for several reasons. One is that your distress is an issue in the case, for instance it may affect the size of a claim.The second reason is that a good solicitor may be able to suggest somebody who will help with your worries. It is quite normal to be worried and stressed if you are in a serious legal dispute, so your solicitor ought to have experience about what to do. The third issue relates to my next point....

If I were an employer and I knew you felt as you do, I would be very worried. Firstly, I hope your employer would be concerned about you. Secondly, in today's employment world your employer should be selfishly concerned that he (or possibly she) is going to be for the high jump in a court or employment tribunal if your worries make you unable to work. Enforcing and issuing fines is obviously stressful work - it is not pleasant doing a job that by definition is unwanted by those you meet. Major organisations, such as the police, often have provisions to support their employers copy with such stress, such as a confidential helpline so that you can receive counselling. People like the police no longer think you are a softie if you need emotional help - they know it is part of the job. I fear things may be different in some smaller enterprises, such as baliffs. You do not want to get into dispute with an employer if you can help it, particularly as you are already in one dispute, but if you are seeing a lawyer anyway you might raise the issue. Hpefully (s)he would suggest some informal action that would help.

If you are worried as a result of the job, an obvious answer is to look for another one - of course I do not know how practical that is in your precise circumstances. It is surprising what a difference to people's happiness it makes getting out of an unsatisfactory work, sometimes even to a different one in the same line or even a different position with the same employer. I am afraid there is a general lack of adequate career advice services, but if you can find somebody who wil help do so. Try asking what is available at your local Job Centre, if you are in the UK. You do not have to be out of work to get their advice.

Finally, in general terms, some things to do if you are worrying:-
1. Keep a regular routine and hours. Don't for instance put off going to bed bcause you are not getting to sleep.
2. Try not to let your worries interfere with your relationships with family and friends. But as far as possible try not to "bottle things up" from them. If they don't know, they won't understand. And remember the saying "a problem shared is a problem halved". Of course there are limits, for instance you can;t grumble to your workmates about things that might get back to your boss.
3. Try to do things outside work, and keep up a leisure interest. Exercise helps, so keep up any sport you do. You can't worry while you are busy with something else!
4. If you have the occasional drink as part of your social life, OK. But make sure you do not increase your alcohol consumption because of your worries. That is the way to utter ruin.

With respect to "toughening up", why do you need to? I would be worried about somebody issuing fines who did not have some concern for the recipients. And some of the Questions on this site are worrying.

Finally, can I repeat that I cannot be sure that the advice in this answer is appropriate without knowing much more detail. You will have to use your judgement about it. Find somebody you can talk to personally about what to do. But I hope this helps.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Try doing some yoga, meditation, or therepeautic massage! I know this from experience.... do you feel as though it's anxiety? Do you have weird heart palpatations? Shortness of breath? Sweaty palms, or break out in sweats for no reason? Migraines? Hives? Sometimes you don't get those physical symptoms but it can lead to that. If it's something specific you are worrying about then maybe you could just talk it out with a friend, if it's many things that accumulate and you worry about then you may need to get some medication. And I would do this as soon as you can. I take Lexapro for my anxiety and I've had all the symptoms I listed above, Lexapro is not a quick fix though. It helps put you at ease and take control of things, but it can take up to 2 - 4 weeks to get the chemical fully in your system. Definitely go talk to your doctor

Answer 3

Whatever you do you DO need to stop worrying because you will make yourself very very ill. The best way to do it is to tell yourself that, the people on Answers have a whole heap of people in their lives and can get help if they look or really need it. The job you do: if the person you issued a fine to hadn't done what they did they wouldn't have the fine. You might even have saved a life because you will make them think of the next time. The builder isn't thinking of you at night, he will only think of you when your name is on the paper in front of him. Forget all and everyone during the evening and night - they're not thinking of you or your problems. I've been there too and I have got around it by thinking like I've just told you to think.

Good luck and think of me. xx

Answer 4

A thing that would probably calm you down some is join a gym or a yoga club, it will relieve alot of stress. It will also make you a happier person and feel good about your self! I know where you are coming from work life can be hard and also dealing with the people you work with sometimes! I work out after work 5 days a weeks i found that it made me a happier person and it kept me from being so stressed out so much! You don't have to join a expensive gym you can also work out in the comfort of your own home! Well try it out it will probably ease your stress levels!

Answer 5

I am constantly worry about stuff too. Things have changed a lot now. We are in a new era. So I don't know exactly what you should do but it seems like you're letting fear consume you. Of course, you are going to think about stuff. We all do. We're humans. You can't let fear take over. It's not going to help you to worry about some concerns that doesn't relate to you, when it's someone else's worry. You need to let that stuff go or else it will make you sick. Seriously!

Answer 6

See, Your probably just like me . If you can find a book written by Dr Melgosa on the topic" less stress" you will improve a lot.
It simply teaches you to stop worrying about things that are outside your power, that is things you cannot change.
Now listen to me , certain things will go bad no matter what and these are act of nature ,and life itself has been so since creation.
So stop worrying about things you cannot change whether caused by you or not.

Answer 7

Hey its all part of living today! It's horrid if you let it get to you. Try not watching the TV news for a week or two - ignorance is bliss (I have three weeks in the Ukraine every year and it's great to escape the media). All those reports of killings, bombs, bush and Blair can really get you down.
Only go on light hearted parts of Yahoo answers. Have faith in God and try to laugh whenever you can.
Don't try to toughen up if its not you. Be yourself.

Answer 8

Someone once said, if you have to do something you don't really want to because it's your job or whatever, then just do it, but do the least you have to (J. Christ talking to a Roman soldier; also when referring to Roman money 'give unto Nero what is Nero's .. etc.)

Do the least you have to then have a little trust that others are also willing to consider your point of view. If they don't then that's o.k. too, they are entirely selfish and nothing you do will help anyone.

Answer 9

I've always been a worrier, its just in my nature. If i try not to worry it doesn't work, so just accept that its part of you. When I worry myself too much I try to do something that will distract me for a while. That's why sometimes i'm on Answers until 4am in the morning!

Answer 10

Distance yourself from the situation at home. treat it professionally as 'work related'. Stop taking it all personally and stop bringing your work home. Change the things you can change, leave untouched the things you cannot change, learn to recognise the difference. If all else fails, have a scotch before bedtime, it works for me.