Big dilemma?
my bf is black and my parents are extremely racist and unapproving...i tried talking to them about this in a civilized manner but things only grew worse and they definitively decided that if i continue to date him, they wont finance my college education...
what should i do should i:
a) continue to see him and keep it a secret
b) tel my parents to go f*** themeselves and continue to see him and take out loans for college (which would be around 40 k a year....yes...my college is very expensive lol)
c) go along with my parents rules for the meantime (since i am living with them) until i get to college...
i really want to go with a) but i kno that that would be extremly unfair for him since he has told his whole family about me...and he doesnt deserve and wouldnt like to be kept a secret...i dono....b) also sounds VERY appealing but how the hell am i gona be able to pay all those loans back? i dono....
:-/
2006-12-07 02:00:37 · 14 answers · asked by Andrea P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
we both love each other very much and im not doing this jst to piss off my parents....but quite frankly by the way theyre acting its almost as if theyre ASKING for t, u kno? if i do end up taking out loans (around 40 k EACH year) how the hell would i be able to pay all of that back?
2006-12-07 02:02:43 · update #1
I don't know what state you live in, but in my state you have a significant amount of time to repay the loans AFTER you graduate. Personally, I'd go with b, but in a nicer manner lol. If you truly care for him, you should defend yourself, him, & your relationship. Children learn from parents, but parents learn from children too; maybe they'll learn sometthing from this. He's not a color, or a race; he's a person. ...A person that genuinely cares for their daughter. They should appreciate that! Good luck & go with heart!
Don't buy the nonsense about "interracial marriages"! My husband was born in South America; I'm of Italian & Irish descent. We've been together for 12 years; married for almost 9. We couldn't be happier!
YOU'RE NOT REQUIRED TO START REPAYING TIL SOME TIME AFTER YOU SECURE A JOB & GRADUATE. PAYMENTS ARE USUALLY VERY REASONABLE, & SO IS THE TIME ALOTTED TO REPAY.
2006-12-07 02:04:24 · answer #1 · answered by pr1ncezz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish you both the best - even in today's enlightened society, there will be more of the same thoughts/treatment by other people, white and black, just like your parents. You must stand by each other, and really work at this relationship to make it last.
That being said, there are a couple of things going for you: College loans are readily available, and as long as you make some kind of payment toward them each month, you can conceivably carry this debt 20 or 30 years, without tarnishing your credit record. Most student loan companies will work with you on an affordable monthly payment, and almost all have deferrals in case of unemployment or other extenuating circumstances. In addition, in most states the interest you pay (and sometimes a portion of the loan principal) can be an income tax deduction as "education expenses" - so this is actually "good debt" to carry!
If your parents do cut off funds for your college education, you must apply to your local court system for "emancipation" - your college loan/student aid department should have information for you on how to do this, or you can check your local family courts system to see what they require. You must do this, otherwise the student loan or financial aid department will require your parents' tax returns for the year prior to your enrollment before they will consider you for a loan or aid. Emancipation will show that you are supporting yourself, and that your parents cannot or will not contribute to the payment of your college expenses. It also proves that they are no longer listing you as a dependent on their tax returns - they cannot do so legally once you are emancipated.
Lastly, no matter what happens, remember - these are your only parents. Even though their ideas are not the same as yours, they may someday see the light and become more accepting of your choices. And, even though you and your boyfriend love each other now, you are both young (still in high school) and you may not always be so - things happen, people grow both up and apart. Try not to leave it badly with your parents, as this just makes it harder for all of you to relate to one another in the future.
2006-12-07 02:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by SmartAleck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're right, that's a tough situation. i think some big factors to consider are going to be things like the length of time you've been dating, how serious you are about having a long-term relationship, etc. if you're just now about to go off to college i will make the educated guess that you are pretty young, and you guys are in a fairly new relationship.
i know you feel in love and your heart will tell you to 'screw' what your parents think, but do you think it will be worth it? do you think this is the guy you will marry and be with forever? will it be worth ruining your relationship with your parents for this guy, or will he cheat on you a year from now and break your heart?
statistically most "highschool sweethearts" don't last, especially through all of the temptations at college. even if he isn't wooed by another lover during that time YOU may be. you don't know at this point. the only thing that is for sure is that you will have your parents your whole life, and you don't know just how long you'll have your boyfriend
2006-12-07 02:12:00 · answer #3 · answered by ~ Mi$fitPrin¢ess ~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try to talk to your parents again. Did you tell them that you are in love with him and that you are not just doing it to make them angry? You should have a real heart to heart with your parents, or maybe one at a time and let them know how strongly you feel about him. If that does not work then you should talk to your boyfriend and see what would be okay with him. Lying to your parents is wrong, but so isn't racism.
And, paying for college by yourself is possible. I am paying for everything without any help from anyone. It is hard, and I work full time and go to college full time, but you can do it! There are scholarships and grants and financial aid.
Best of luck!
2006-12-07 02:06:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are being most unfair. And you cannot put a price on your love. As for the college loans, you would be able to pay them back after school just as thousands of us have done. It works out and it is not difficult. Do not sell out your love. Your parents are just wrong. I am white, 51 and have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. My parenting was not to tell them who they can fall in love with. It was to guide them and give them tools to become productive adults and to allow them to love who they desire. Being a racist makes me sick. It is not the color of ones skin that makes the human being. Can you not see that they are literally holding your education over your head? How rude, how wrong! If he loves you he will accept that your parents are apparently a little sick within their ideas and thoughts and will not take this out on you. Your parents need to be educated and stop this hate. Please do not cave into hate and sell your soul to the devil over money.
2006-12-07 02:10:32 · answer #5 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
financial aid is available throughout the united states, & since it appears that you have computer access let ya' fingers do the walking(smile) No by all means dont tell ya' parents to go **** themselves, but you can show them (u know the saying i can show u better than i can tell u???Well go 4 it). i would really love to know how old you are?! well im "above" grown(lol) & my mother never did & never will approve of my husband (2 kidz & 12yrs later) but i had/have to live my life for me & to the fullest i may add!! in the pursuit of joy & happiness 1 must endure pain & heartaches.. there is a way that this can be handled & all the answers in the world arent gonna help you, they will only confuse matters & you more, you have to decide what & how to handle this, & trust me when i tell you this "YOU ALREADY KNOW"!!! good luck honey...
2006-12-07 02:10:24 · answer #6 · answered by kimmiegaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize you might not get these loans, and not get an education.There is a good chance his family does not approve either. Also, if you end marrying this man, interracial marriages have a VERY high divorce rate. Knowing all this, do you think its worth not getting an education over?
2006-12-07 02:07:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are blackmailing you. That really isnt nice. It might be time to stick up to them, and tell them its your life and your decision on who you want to be with. If they cut you off, look for financial aid, and paying off loans isnt the end of the world.
2006-12-07 02:10:12 · answer #8 · answered by hank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm tricky situation. i continually lived interior the neighborhoods the position there have been no muslim men my age or in direction of my age and there replaced into one or 2 yet oh gosh they were something!! there have been couple of muslim women yet i under no circumstances had any of u r situation. basically this month i moved into this neighbourhood and ninety% of the inhabitants is muslim. i'm no longer kidding believe me. i think actaully extraordinary rather of marvelous now that i'm in a muslim community.
2016-10-16 12:12:18 · answer #9 · answered by pataki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a place to stay..then go with your heart, take out the loans, and do it without them. I don't think lying is a good idea and also don't disrepect them in their house, so if you stay with him, move out.
2006-12-07 02:08:18 · answer #10 · answered by ladie_eclipse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋