What if you are falling "in love" with someone else, but you are married?

Question

There has been no affairs or anything like that. She is my best friend and I don't know what to do. HEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!

I understsand everything that all of you are saying, and I have tried to talk to my wife, but it doesn't seem to change anything. I am concerned with what I am not getting or what I think that I am not getting from my wife to open myself up to this kind of a relationship. I just don't know what to say or do.

Everyone is saying "distance yourself from your best friend" but what does that mean? I am not stupid, but I just understand, what is meant by that statement?

I don't know what to do? I am trying to do everything that I can to avoid her? But I can't stop thinking about her. It's really weird. I don't think about her sexually, I just think about her smile, her laugh, her hair, everything. I have never loked at a woman like before. Is this normal?

Answer 1

I'm a victim of the same thing. My (male) friend and I became best friends. I fell in love with him while still married to my husband. We tried to avoid sex but it happened. Don't let it happen to you because it ruined our friendship. Keep everything strictly platonic.

Answer 2

First oh all...how long have you been "best" friends with this other woman? Longer than you've been married? When you are married, you should avoid close connections with someone of the opposite sex. Its one of those behaviors that aren't appropriate for a married man. Maybe now you can see why its a good idea to avoid it. i'm not saying you can't have female friends, but they should not be a "close" "close" friend you are spending time away from your wife/family with. (Goes for male also) If this was a best friend before the marriage, it would have been understandable to not spending the same amount of time with her after the marriage.

What do you do now? Well... there is something missing in your marriage, which is why you have these feelings for someone else. Maybe you have been spending too much time with this friend so..quality time and affection is missing with your wife. IFFFFF you care to have a marriage with yuor wife. You need to back off from the friendship..maybe not drop it...but reform it into something that will not distract from yuor family. You have to decided about your wife. Is it something worth saving? Is there another reason you are attracted to another woman? If this other woman was gone, would it be a problem with yuor wife and you? You can make the right choice...

Answer 3

Why are you "falling in love" with her now? If she's really your best friend, she's already picked up on your vibe. And while there haven't been any affairs, you're already being emotionally unfaithful to your wife by having these feelings for someone other than her.

If you love your wife, you already know what to do; you either distance yourself from or drop your best friend. She should have done that herself, but you have the ultimate responsibility. You need to figure out why your feelings have turned from your wife to your "best friend." That doesn't mean you go to the best friend to discuss it, you talk to a counselor.

Franky, I think you're infatuated with her; that 's not love. Before you do something that you can't undo, get help immediately. Whatever you do, don't drag your wife down this road if you can't get a handle on your feelings. It's not what she signed up for when she married you.

1. What exactly is it that you want from your wife that you're not getting from her?

2. When you talk to your wife, exactly what are you saying to her? What is her response?

3. How long have the two of you been married? How long have you known her? How long have you known your best friend?

4. I think we people say "distance yourself from your best friend," they mean that, until you get things together with your wife, the two of you should not meet or socialize. Right now, being around her is too tempting to you. Also, you don't mention if she's married or is otherwise involved.

5. Why are you now looking at your best friend this way if you hadn't before? Did she look this good to you when things between you and your wife were solid?

I think it's normal to turn your attention and focus to someone else when you're unhappy. But you need to think very carefully about what's motivating your thoughts toward your best friend. The primary issue is the lack of communication and understanding in your marriage. Focus on that; whatever you think you feel for your best friend is only going to cloud the issue and create more problems you don't need.

Answer 4

You need to be honest with your wife about your feelings and then give her the opportunity to walk away from you. Reason being you state that you're falling in love with another but say said nothing about your feelings for your wife which means in your mind you've already replaced her with this so-called best friend. I too am in a situation where my best friend is of the opposite sex and we love each other dearly. There's nothing that we wouldn't do for one another. We also have the understanding that it's a different kind of love. We would never cross the line especially since he's married and I'm engaged. You've crossed the damn line and it seems as though your "best" friend has as well. Let me just tell you this though, if this person is truly your friend she wouldn't allow you to cross these lines knowing that you're married. Also you run the risk on not having this friend if things don't work out between you and her after you leave your wife. We as human beings can control our feelings and you've decided not to do so. You're wrong for this and only you will reap what you sow in the end.

Answer 5

You need to talk to your wife. Not about your friend, but about the two of you. Obviously, there is a connection between you and your best friend, but are these feelings new or have you always had them? Chances are, they developed recently. Possibly she is paying you attention that you don't get from your wife. You find it easy to talk to her, that she understands you and maybe sympathizes with whatever problems that you have. The two of you have created an emotional bond that makes you believe that you are possibly in love with her.

If that's the case, then in order for you to remain faithful, you need to refocus your energy on your wife. Start talking to her and telling her all that is right and wrong in your relationship. If you're not happy, tell her why and see if she is willing to change/compromise with you to make things improve.

Just make sure you give her a chance before you think it's beyond hope and do something that you will regret. Fix the marriage. If necessary, go to counselling. But at the very least, talk.

Answer 6

You have to decide what is most important. Honoring your marriage vows and staying with your wife and trying to improve your relationship. You can also start by not looking at the things your wife may not be doing and see what you can do in your marriage to improve it.

If it is more important for you to be with the one you feel you are falling in love with, get a divorce and be with her. But what happens when this happens with the new woman. you have another divorce and no best friend.

I dont think you have to distance yourself from your friend, you just need to start making some decisions. Decide what you want to do and do it. Get help. Talk to pastor or counselor.

Answer 7

Well buddy. It seems like you are spending more time with your best friend than with your wife. Your wife should be your best friend anyway. Is there a problem at home or lacking something you had or want to have. I guess so, you're getting (whatever it is) from your best friend.
If there is a problem, or you're missing or wishing for something. Talk it over with your wife. Maybe she is feeling the same way.
If the problem is so bad and you just want out. Well then get out! Before you hurt your wife (do you have kids?).
I've never been divorced, let alone super serious, but I heard its not good from any side. Try to work it out dude and fall back in love with your wife!

Dude! The same thing as I said before. Your focus is on your lady friend instead of your wife. Is your wife so bad to look on, or see a beautiful smile, etc., etc. It really sounds like to me, that you want to "do" your best friend, and you want us all to say its okay, so you wont feel so bad. It's WRONG to screw your friend and be married. But, its OKAY to be attracted or to have feelings for her. Afterall, she's your best friend. Man... you're going to have to make a choice. Your WIFE or your FRIEND? By the way, how does your friend feel? Does she know? Probably so, huh. Ask her whats in the future for y'all.

Answer 8

Think and relive the moment you took your marriage vows, and distance yourself from the person. Focus your thoughts on your wife. Look are her and realize all the reasons you fell in love with her, and then take a moment to think about your life without her. Remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side. Marriage is a serious commitment and should be treated as such. Don't throw away what may have taken years to build. Your wife is worth it, after all, you married her.

Answer 9

Normally, that's what happens you always fall in love with the one closes to your heart. Not saying that your not close to your wife. But I'm sure that you and your best friend share things that you and your wife don't. If you truly love your wife you may have to back away from you best friend for a while or trying sharing things with your wife instead of her. Best of luck.

Answer 10

It's ok for you to feel what you are feeling right now coz I believe at this point of time, there must be something lacking between you and your wife. Then came along your best friend who is your listening ears, your shoulder to cry on and you must be feeling like you are in the clouds when you are around her. Guess she is someone who filled up the missing pieces in your life at this moment. Hence, you interpret it as love.

Review your feelings again, if I were you. Your priorities ought to be sorting things out with the one whom you gave your vows to and not channel your time and energy to your best friend. This is the mistake I have seen in most relationships that had strayed, including mine. Lessons learned and here I am to share it with you.

May the best of luck and love be with you....