Do you tell him/her nicely bearing in mind that it might lead to a row or do you just ignore and learn to cope with it especially if it's a part of him/her and they are finding it hard to change.
I think it's hard to change any human being because you are who you are however if certain mannerisms/attributes/behaviour are affecting others negatively on a constant basis, then you have to make a change, what do you think?
2006-12-07 00:58:58 · 17 answers · asked by swish 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
After more years of marriage that I can remember [God knows how or why she puts up with me], the one thing that really gets to me is her total inability to shut a door or a drawer behind her.
It's just something that's not worth causing a row over,but it's a daily ritual to go around closing things after her.
Trivial I know, and no doubt I do worse things than that, but you did ask the question!
PS.....the telly stopped working temporarily a few days ago and we actually spent the whole evening talking to each other, something that we hadn't done for a long time. It was lovely, but can you guess what happened when the fault corrected itself?
2006-12-07 03:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by Pit Bull 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You change yourself. If you've nagged before, find a way to make the situation humorous or be polite or drop the issue. Get it?
You can't change anyone but yourself.
If the behaviors, attributes, mannerisms are harmless and not affecting the relationship, drop it. If they are, look to see if you can discuss the situation without argument. If the situation is breaking relationship boundaries (cheating, lying, stealing...really bad behavior), then it's up to you to either leave or change the relationship from your perspective (leave the relationship or ignore that person until he/she "gets it").
You can change your reaction that you've noticed to any given behavior from someone else. The "butterfly effect" does work.
2006-12-07 01:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by keyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. all of us is asserting they could be out, married, and so on. i don't agree. It became into their domicile and you moved out. Now you have moved back including your significant different. How do THEY experience approximately him? possibly your boyfriend irritates them besides. All i will say is, in the event that they had moved out of the domicile once you probably did, the place in the international might you 2 pass now that 365 days boyfriends landlord has placed the hire up. Your boys could have their call placed on the hire e book and you and your boyfriend could pass out. additionally you have mentioned the variety you experience approximately being their mum. and that i admire you for asserting which you will not ask them to pass. below those situations how are you able to. that is going to basically reason unwell feeling and you are going to be able to come to resent your boyfriend. i think of he's the only you are going to be conversing to. As a discern my peace of concepts may well be for my babies to have a roof over their head.
2016-10-17 22:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's something they can't do anything about, then it would be rude to mention it and all you can do is silently deal with it. Maybe you could gripe about it to friends if that helps you feel better.
If it's something that affects/hurts other people, then you could intervene cautiously. Just be careful not to make your partner get defensive, because then they might keep the irritating habit intentionally just to annoy you.
2006-12-07 01:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh I have tried the 'niiiice' approach, I've tried the 'reasoning' approach and the 'ANGY' one. Seemingly she is indifferent to them all.
It is not 'that I want her to change,' it is that I'd love her to see her behaviour is something that 'antagonises' so ''many'' and that she'd like THAT (her own 'havoc' creating behaviour) to change.
It amounts to the same thing, in the end. But whereas we once had a BRILLIANT loving life together ~ I now deeply resent that she in effect, buggered off, and that while I feel cheated by her, she feels indifferent to this.
Sash.
2006-12-11 22:45:30 · answer #5 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner has a tendency to frequently interupt what I am saying before I finish what i have to say!! I usually respond by quickly interrupting her and telling her I haven't finished yet, with a slightly raised voice. The other day I was on the phone to her and she kept interrupting so I jsut put the phone down on her!! hehe!
2006-12-08 12:49:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't find anything irriating about him, however, sometimes there might be an argument or something where I may find something irritating (e.g. he said something irritating). If there was anything irritating about him then I guess I wouldn't be with him, because just like you said, it is hard to change any human being.
2006-12-07 01:10:15 · answer #7 · answered by Luvfactory 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my wife snores, she only snores when i get into bed. i can be sat on the edge of the bed for half an hour and NOTHING. as soon as i get under the covers she's off.
how do i deal with it? a number of ways:-
give her a gentle nudge and tell her to shut up
stay up really really late so i can fall asleep quickly
get to bed before her and start snoring first ( my personal favourite )
or work nights, which isn't to bad
2006-12-07 21:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by price 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
17 years with the same woman, and i do things that annoy her and she does things that annoy me... there has to be some sort of balance AND tolerance.... a little give and take, if me farting at the dinner table annoys her, it won't end my world to stop, and she doesn't subject me to things i can't stand... there gets to be a defiant nature about some things tho, like your trying to change someone like you say... well, a leopard can't change it's spots. if it's something where your being ignored like the person with the television issue, both people are a couple, in my view us together are a single entity, and our problems are not hers or mine separately, they are ours together.
i was working too much, now we have family day on Sunday where i can't work. there is give and take in a relationship. telling someone "you must change" won't ever work, give in a little and have the other person give in a little on something of yours. make it feel balanced. my wife usually says things like this, "you know how you like when i blank, well then could you then do this for me"... or "you know how you don't like when i blank, well could you stop or cut back blank".
it has to feel like give and take... not just one person feeling like take, take, take.... and another person felling like give, give, give.
one person will always do more than the other, and you are not the same person. when my wife does more than me i ease her mind with Coach products.
: )
2006-12-07 01:30:10 · answer #9 · answered by Tighe 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my husband smokes therefore has a smoker's cough, and it irritates the hell out of me mainly because it worries me that he coughs so much i have told him but he says he can't help it i have asked him to give up smoking but being a non smoker myself perhaps i don't realise how hard it is to give up, so i tend to bite my lip and say nothing some of the time but i suppose after being together for 34 years and he has smoked all that time it must be hard for him to give it up, but that is the only thing that irritates me about him.
2006-12-11 10:07:40 · answer #10 · answered by bluebell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋