My husband has not yet even mentioned to me that on his return we will talk about the fact that I found an insurance policy with two other kids who were born last month carrying his surname(they are not a relative's).I do not think that I can handle the fact that after forgiving for so many other affairs he can do this to me and our children.
Should I tell my 5yr old son that his father did something that was really mean and hurtful to mommy that we may have to live apart for sometime or is that too much for him.My daughter is only 16months old
2006-12-06 21:37:52 · 29 answers · asked by JUSEve 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I still love my husband very much but he does not seem to be remorseful about this
2006-12-06 21:46:37 · update #1
No you shouldnt bring your kids into it.
Just explain that mummy and daddy dont love each other anymore, but that you both love them very much and daddy is going to live somewhere else but it will never change how you both feel about the kids.
2006-12-06 21:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by scragette2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you say this to a child? The only reason I see for you to tell him is if you are a vindictive person and want to make sure that your children do not have a relationship with their father. That is wrong. I am sure that you are not an angel and your children should not have to judge either of you nor should they have to choose between the two of you which one to love. Don't put your children into that position. You will need to let your son know that both of you love him very much and that nothing that happened or will happen is his fault. If these children turn out to be your husband's you should make sure that these children get to know each other. All the children involved are the innocent ones in this mess. Good luck
2006-12-06 22:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son's relationship with his father is very distinct and seperate from yours. It is understandable that you feel betrayed by your husband as well as hurt and let down, but the fact of the matter is that your son has not been betrayed in same way as you (if at all) and he is too young to grasp the complexity of seperating the fact that daddy hurt mummy but did not me in the same way - concept.
The only reason why you would even think of telling a five year old child this information is to somehow turn your son against his father who I can only imagine he thinks is the 'best'. Your 5 year old son cannot be 'on your side' in this matter and it is not fair to try and use him as a weapon against your husband. Your son deserves to have a relationship with his father. It would be unfair to deny him this.
As your son grows up he will realise the real reason for your sepearation and decide for himself who he feels was in the wrong, he will react accordingly. Explain to him that mum and dad have to live apart for a while and that he will still see his father so things won't be so bad.
As for the children born last month, well. Simply divorce your husband. you will never trust him again. and he lied, lied, lied. imagine stages - meeting woman, affair, preganancy, birth - insurance policy. LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!
2006-12-06 21:49:42 · answer #3 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to explain anything like this to a 5 year old,they dont understand the way of life just the questions 'where' and 'why' its the why i would personally leave out. Is there a child at school who also has'nt got a dad?if so explain to your child that his friend does'nt have a daddy and its ok not to have a daddy,its not his fault and tell him daddy still loves him, After all the relationship has broken down between you both not your son. Also i was told via my solicitor as i was in your situation,never say horrible nasty things about his dad,no matter how much you may want to,dont do it,children have a habit of repeating things when you dont expect them to
all the best
2006-12-06 21:54:59 · answer #4 · answered by HappilyConfused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents divorced when I was 7 because of an unfaithful father who has a daughter only 3 months younger than me, and another who is only 1 month younger than my only full blooded sister. If you are going to be divorced, make sure your kids know that BOTH of you still love them. Explain that sometimes daddy's and mommy's don't get along anymore, and that no matter how they feel about each other they ALWAYS love their kids. My mom didn't tell me about what my dad did, I knew about my sisters for as long as I can remember, but mom didn't ever tell me that dad cheated untill I was in my late teens.
Divorce is hard on kids, it's hard on everyone involved I think, I've never had a divorce of my own so I don't know from experiance. Don't tell them that daddy hurt mommy though, just explain that sometimes parents don't get along. As your childern grow older they may ask questions, if they do then it's ok to answer them, but your kids are going to be hurting right now, just like you are. Shelter them as much as you can. Don't out and out lie to them, but be VERY general about the problems, and reinforce the idea that you BOTH love them more than ever. I know how it hurts and confuses to not have daddy around. Hate him all you want, but trust me you really don't want to let on that you hate him, not to the kids, try NOT to put them in the middle of this, it'll save you a fortune in counsiling bills if you don't, and it will save them lots of confusion and pain.
I wish you the best, and I understand your pain, my husband has been unfaithful, and while we have no kids and we did work it out, it hurts bad.
2006-12-06 21:55:46 · answer #5 · answered by snickers12121488 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be a definite NO. When we're angry with our partner, it's all to easy to slate them to the kids but 1) The poor child's ony 5 and 2) what passes your lips in a moment of pain and anguish will remain with him for a lifetime, creating issues that needn't be there.
My Dad told me things about my Mum all the time. You know what happened? I don't talk to him.
When you belittle or make derogotory comments about the mother/father of the child, you're doing the same to the child in their eyes and it's a horrible and hard pain to shake.
Believe me, I know. I'm 27 and I'll never have any respect for my father as a parent for the things he said about my Mum.
Although it's isolating, this is something you may have to go through yourself for now until your strong enough to share it with a rational adult who has life experience and wisdom to be able to advise correctly.
I know you probably want to hurt your husband as much as he's hurt you and, telling your child would be the most effective way of doing this but, believe me, the only person who will be hurt will be your child.
Could you live with that?
I really hope you get through this and do the right thing.....
2006-12-07 07:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by Chanelle B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! Yeah I think thats way too much of a load to put on a 5yr old. If/when you guys split it would be better to just tell him that you two cant live together anymore. If he asks you why tell him that you guys dont get along sometimes or talk to a counselor for suggestions. Try and make sure you dont put adult problems on him. Also tell him that you both love him and his sister very much and reassure him that that wont change.
2006-12-06 21:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by zoelynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't need to tell him that daddy hurt mommy i think that would be wrong,but i think he can be told that mommy and daddy will be living in different places. and make sure you let him know that you both still love him very much and that he will be spending time with both of you. and i know that your hurt right now and you have every right to be, but don't bad mouth the father in front of the kids that will back fire when the kids get older.also try your very best to get along for the kids sake. good luck! move on you will find happiness.
2006-12-06 21:56:32 · answer #8 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly your children are too young to understand, and secondly, poisoning your children against their Father is a selfish act. Your Husband is equally selfish for having affairs, but his actions are something that you have no control over.
there is no good reason to tell your children the details surrounding your separation. Don't make matters worse than they already are and mess with your children's heads in that way.
PS. Really sorry for what your husband has put you through. stay strong! All the best. xx
2006-12-06 22:23:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
" honey, Daddy and Mommy love you very much, but Daddy might get a new home! It will be nice and you'll be able to go see him all the time."
as long as the child understands that he will not be seeing his dad anymore, and that you assure him that you both love him, things should be ok.. Just don't day anything until you are sure you two will be splitting up.
IF you say nothing, when the dad DOES leave, the child will be confused because you didn't explain to him.
2006-12-06 21:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by October Sky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell your son about any of this,he is too young to understand. I know it's difficult to not talk about the 'elephant in the room' since your son can feel that something is wrong. Just be there for him and answer his questions the best you can WITHOUT details. He needs to be your focus now.
Why are you 'forgiving' so many affairs, or are you just tolerating them out of a fear of moving on?
I truly feel for you. Good luck
2006-12-06 22:46:34 · answer #11 · answered by Raven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋