I've been in a relationship with Richard for over 7 years of which 5 - I found out last month he has been corresponding with a penpail in another country.
I have told him that I forgive him but I think that the truth is that I am scared to leave. Our money is tied up - we own a home, we own a business, and everything would be so complicated if I left. I am living comfortably. R is not social - I am. R - is not affectionate - I am. I have a great sense of humor while R is dry. ANd now I worry that I am just afraid to admit that I've wasted the last 7 years of my life with the WONG man?
What is more difficult living in the misery of comfort or facing the inconvince of change and risk?
2006-12-06 20:32:04 · 12 answers · asked by Tourist 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, they can both be pretty tough....the difference is that while facing the inconvenience of change can be a nightmare, it is a temporary one with a light at the end of the tunnel and the promise of a brighter future. On the other hand, you may feel comfy in this lifestyle now, but what about 5 years from now when you are more tangled up together and he is cheating on you or the distance between you has grown to an uncomfortable level. Sit down and take a hard look at the relationship.....is this really the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.....does he make you smile, laugh, want to get up in the morning? Do you trust him with your life? Is his penpal just a penpal or is there something else there? When you are thinking about these things, forget about the house, the business etc those can all be sorted out...think about your your today and tomorrow....you happiness....once you decide that, then you will take care of the rest....If you decide to leave, start making a plan before you spill the beans to him, hire a good attorney and find out how to protect yourself and your assets ......no matter how much you love someone...people get really weird when it comes to money matters.....Wish you the best of luck.....be happy...
2006-12-06 20:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey I totally understand, but you can't ask a question like that it is totally on you! I have learned to let things go the way it suppossed to. If you decide tomorrow to pack all your things and go then that is the way things was planned out for you and you will have to take it as it comes. You are a grown woman and I am quite sure capable of getting back on your feet even though it will or will not be a tough journey. But if you choose to wait, make sure you be smart about it. If you are unhappy and are thinking about leaving( which you have to be really serious to post a question like this) then you know in your heart that you are just afraid to leave, but eventually it will happen,unfortunetly. Therefore you save and plan at the same time start making that back up plan that you may or may not need if you decide to really leave, that way you will not be worried about any money problems. Now as fr as dealing with these men after you leave, if you just left a realtionship that you have been in for so many years i don't see y u would be in any rush to start thinking about another relationship. But I know we all get lonely and want someone, when you do start dealing with a person please be very upfront with that person and tell him exactly what you want and looking for you will know if he is right for you from that! I would suggest to just take it one step at a time. I learned to follow one thing, THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. There will be a lesson learned in every struggle you go through. And that god will not put nothing to much on you that you can not take. It will all get better soon!....Lol I need to take some of my own advice!!!!!
2006-12-06 21:06:18 · answer #2 · answered by kmiller 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I knew the nswer I would tell you. I am living in a similar situation. Do I stay with in the safety net that I have been in for the last 14 years (the last 6 years have been misery) or braving the unknown and going it alone and trying to find someone new that isn't married and just wants an affair....
Good luck and best wishes.
2006-12-06 20:39:54 · answer #3 · answered by violetrosetempleknight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The former. Never enjoying your life over circumstances out of your control. That is not living. Some of the greatest moments of my life was after I walked away. I got to explore who I was and the world around me. Nothing could be greater. I have lived with no regret. The people I have met after that amazed me. Still do. They are all so great. Admit your mistakes and move on. Grow from them. Everyone makes decisions that are not wise!. We are human. We grow from those mistakes. Honor yourself. Then all other needs will follow.Will be met. Good luck.
2006-12-06 22:09:59 · answer #4 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you what is worse than wasting 7 years of your life with the wrong man....that would be wasting 8 years with the wrong man or 30 years with the wrong man.
Believe me it is easier to be from a broken home, than to live in one. But, you are the only one who can make the decision.
It took me three years to get it done and I regret not doing it years and years earlier.
You will work through what you want to do. Then you will do it.
Don't think of it as wasted years. Think of it as a learning experience. That is how life is.
2006-12-06 20:39:59 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i walked out of a similar situation 10 yrs ago taking 3 children with me. Yes its been tough, but I have smiled every single day that I am not with him. New relationships were fun to explore, like hireing a new employee, I had a mental checklist of what I would not accept.
Along the way possessions meant nothing to me, but happiness and good friends were important, today he has nothing no relationship no house (now lives with his parents, no job)
and I have the sweetest man that I trust 100% and a bigger smile on my face.
But check with a lawyer first on where you do stand if you walk out.
2006-12-06 21:14:51 · answer #6 · answered by Bev J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it relatively is an remarkable question. i've got had numerous bouts with melancholy and there consistently seems to be like an obsessive ingredient that seems to very very nearly delight in the misery. i don't know why it relatively is, yet like your different solutions advise, in all probability that's an escape. I advise, once you're wallowing in a pool of deep dirt, you're unlikely to be accessible to have that meet-and-greet interior the candy, sunny meadow, it relatively is what you have been prepared to avert doing all alongside.
2016-10-14 04:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Misery and comfort are contradictory and therefore mutually exclusive. Sometimes taking risks are worth the inconvenience. If you plan ahead, you can reduce the amount of risk involved in your decision.
2006-12-06 20:38:04 · answer #8 · answered by Feeling new @ 42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The greatest changes happen in the edge of chaos. Don't be afraid to venture out to something different...
2006-12-06 20:37:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change and risk are far more difficult, but are also more rewarding in the end. Decide which you prefer!
2006-12-06 23:36:36 · answer #10 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋