How do I explain my Husband?

Question

My family,i.e.my husband, daughter and mother-in-law, stay out of India. My husband never helps me in any of the housework. I am also supposed to look after my daughter all alone. He also needs an exotic menu almost every other day. I have never asked for help from him except for fetching few heavy things from the market which is very difficult for me. But he feels tha since he is earning for the house I am supposed to take care of everything else. If I cannot fetch heavy things, I should go multiple times to get them. When I confronted him about this he was very upset with me. He feels that I am totally wrong and I should not complain. He also says that because of this incident he should hate me but since he loves me toomuch he cannot hate me even if he tries hard. My mother-in-law also does not help me at all. Even then he feels that is all fine and I am creating an unnnecessary issue. Also he is not keen on going out with me anywhere.

Answer 1

leave him. give him a couple months (like five) on his own. come back and see how much he can take care of himself. then say, it sucks doesnt it. start sharing the load you flithy pig or end up alone for the rest of your life while I run away to go live in the mountains in colorado and become a flight attendant. tell him to wash his own damn underwear!

Answer 2

Hey Dear Lady

Are you working -if yes Then your mother in law and your Husband Need to share some portion of your house hold chores.

If you are are house wife.

Then take a paper and pen jot down the type of household work you need to do everyday.

when the list is complete.check if you have missed any thing if not.
Give priorty to the work in the list by numbering them.
once done.
calculate how much time you need to finish the work.
That done
Then go through and see.What is the work that you need to do for your husband-As he goes to office first
Then what needs to be done for you daughter if she goes to school.
Third your mother in law-She may be needing your help in some of her personal work-Help her there-Please do not complain.
Fourth -The remaning time is yours.Then you can plan what are you needs and which are most important.

Make a routine and time for a particular work.If so you will be abel to spare some time for yourself.Which will give you ampel time not to crib no one cares.

Always nagging is not good it spoils the relationship.I think that 's what happening in your life with your husband-Please be carefull.

Is your mother in law very old,ill or either you do not appriciate the little work she used to do for you early.
Either of the three reasons are making her not to help you.
If so you know- very old people can not do any type of work
If ill -You are wrong to except any type of work from her
Third Most important reason -You may have some time showed that you donot appriciate the work your mother in law does.Due to that she may be feeling that you may not like her doing anything.

If so you know- were you have been wrong right.
Any way nothing is lost yet you can gain the good relationship with your husband and mother in law on its track.

By not complaining Unneceesary

Take care of your daughter -As no one can take care of a child better than the mother of the child-So do not complain

Request your mother in law in a proper manner to help you with the little chores at home.

Improve your own nature
Treat your family people with due respects
Sit and properly talk to your husband about you problem with the heavy stuff in market.

Are you an organised lady.If you are then you would not be complaning i think.Being organised Helps to handle house hold work in a jefy.

I am also supposed to look after my daughter all alone- This sentence It self tells that you are going wrong some were.

Please do not mind-think of it if you are going wrong some were then take the tips that i mentioned.

IF YOU ARE CORRECT-Then I feel sorry that you got a husband who loves you but does not understand you-As love and understanding are equally important.

Answer 3

Hey! have you heard of servants, or home delivery or engaging a cab or driving a car or having a trolley to carry heavy stuff??? Can you not team up with another woman and go to buy together? If you are a stay at home wife then you need to take care of the home. Can't you buy a good cookery book and let him have the exotic food? Or at least buy some exotic food once in a while.

If you want equality then go out and work like he does, then you dont depend on him. You can walk out with your daughter and he will come running to you if he is interested in you.

Cannot bring groceries home nor cook exotic food???? is that what women of substance are made up of???? Are men supposed to be weight lifting labourers?

Hey ladies who are replying, how do you carry the heavy stuff if you are a single mother? Can you help this helpless lady? She has some simple problems. No need to end her marriage, I guess. Just tell her how to bring heavy stuff into her home.

Answer 4

Sweety, first of all i think you are not being able to understand the situation. Lets say, that he is a type of person who is more focussed to earning money and not in household work. Its very common. Now when u think there is much pressure on u and u need help, u should try to make appropriate effort in letting ur husband know the situation u are in. There are many ways and am sure u will do that. Also make sure u try to project ur hard work to him, as he loves u too much, he can't bear the pain ur goin thru. So sweety, act smart and try and neutralize the scenario.

Answer 5

My parents have the same problem and I do not know the solution. My mother tells my father all the time that he should help, but he only cleans the sink and vacuums then says "See? I did something" but my mother has too much to do with the clothes which we have a lot of, but she also does not do a lot of cleaning so they stay t a casus belli of doing nothing. I think I will have to end up cleaning up here, I would prefer to leave.
In your case I suggest showing your husband how his life would be if you were not there and how hard it would be. If your husband earns enough, contemplate hiring someone to help.

Answer 6

If you are a stay at home mother, than you should be taking care of the house, your daughter, going to the grocery store.

I am a stay at home mother, my mother-inlaw does not help one bit, and my hubby is always away since his is in the military. Its hard but so is life.

If you are not happy then leave.

About going places with you, thats an issue that you should resovle because usually in America if a guy doesn't want to be seen with a girl its usually because of another girl.

Answer 7

On some pretext come to India with your daughter and then dont go back, if you are not qualified. If you are qualified take up a job and become independent where ever you are. Your husband is insensitive and is not caring. You can not change him now. Living with in-laws who are not kind and understanding is very painful. As you have a daughter you have to take the decision.

Answer 8

I think you should continue to do what ever you are doing without complaining about any thing. Just observe is there any change in their behaviour then? Make them feel that you can do it by your self & do not need their help. Try to be happy, even without them. I am sure that they will start giving you the importance that you need. You do what ever you can & leave what ever is not possible for you to do. I believe you should give your 100% while doing any thing. It is said in geeta [bhagvatgeeta] that 'karm kar, phal ki chinta mat kar', which means you should do your job perfectly & do not think about the returns, leave that to the fate.
One fine day you will definately get the rewards for it. Just wait & watch ! Don't expect anything from anyone, then you will be happier. May god bless you ! Take care.

Answer 9

Well, I am sorry that you are such in a stucky situation. your husband's behavior some how very offending. I mean he should treat you the way you should be treated. I would have said " why did you married him?" But you Indians practice arranged marriage. So what you have to do now is that you should try very hard to convince him to change all his attitudes. I know it is not going to be easy. You should be very careful while talking to him. Be nice and polite but tell him what you should tell him. It may take a considerable time for him to change.

Answer 10

in this day and age its ridiculous to have this attitude towards a husband/wife.
We are trying everyday to be seen as equal with each other yet there are still people like this around to knock you back to the dark ages.
My younger brother was the same for years,even though he was only 18 he thought it was the womans job to do the house work,cooking,shopping,rearing children etc.
One day my mum got home from work and sat in the living room and refused to cook for anyone,that soon changed his attitude coz it was either starve or cook for himself,he actually had to cook for himself and boy did he feel it.
As i told my brother and every other person i meet with this attitude
what about the people who live alone,they dont have anyone to do everything for them so we dont need this attitude.
Tell your husband just because he works out of the house it doesnt give him the right to assume you are at his beck n call.
The reason he has this attitude is probably his mother,you say his mother never helps either so thats probably where he gets it from,
I bet his sisters did everything for him.
You need to tell you husband you are not a slave,no matter what culture you live within.
Marriage is supposed to be partnership,
it takes 2 to get married
it takes 2 to concieve a child
so why is it your husband has no decided to adopt the attitude that his work is done,now its all up to you
I DONT THINK SO
but
its up to you to do something about it
Why does he not go out with you anymore?aren't you worthy of him
doesnt sound as if he holds you in that light
think about what you want for yourself and your daughter because if this is the way it was for his mother,for you,the chances are massive that your daughter will end up in the same position.
do whats best for you,even if it means leaving him with your child.

Answer 11

this is so simply and these are the daily problem of each and every family not only urs for this do one thing sit with ur husband when he has time then with the cool mind tell ur problem to him i think that ur husband will under stand. acctoo my view leaving ur husband for such a reason is not good as he loves as u say so settelement is the only solution for u tell him that u didn't say any thing in other matter to him only some sort oof problem u have such as with stuff. say u help me in these type of work then it will over i will never disturb u regarding thses problems . hence he definately understand ur problem and find way to sort him out.