They had an on again, off again relationship for 14 years. For 2 years, it was completely long distance from Washington to Wyoming. Then she went back to him. Her and I have been together for over 6 months and she was talking to him secretly when ever I wasn't around. Sometimes, she would hang up with me and call him. I suspected something, she said there was no one. Eventually, I saw the phone bills and she said they were only friends now. She had 30 min conversations with him at times and yet in several months, he did not know I even existed and we were living together. She still tells me that they are only friends, even though she swears she stops communicating and I keep learning that it is just one lie after another. I have known that they spoke and asked her if they did and she would say "no". Then when she realized I knew, she would make up some excuse. She says that that he is her very best friend (her only friend). Should I be concerned?
2006-12-06 20:11:09 · 13 answers · asked by manthisaddressislong 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes, you should be concerned.... See what comes out, but she maybe lying to herself that they are "only friends". She may be addicted to that relationship, this is why she hides it from you. She doesn't really want it or sees huge value in it, or else, she'd leave you already for that guy, but she can't seem to give it up either. That's emotional addiction. Just like alcohol or tobacco. People know it's bad for them, but can't seem to change it.
He is her "only" friend? Then what are you? Not friend? Less of a friend?
Friends (as opposed to "ummfriends" like in "Oh, no, we are just .... ummm... friends") call each other like once a month or once in two months, not more often. IMHO, unless they are working together on a problem or a project. In this case, there are several conversations, and then a long period of silence. If he was really just friend she wouldn't need to make excuses and hide it. It seem like this relationship is not OK even by her standards.
2006-12-06 20:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very concerned. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've been married for 5 years, and we've broke up a few times (try 3) for at least 3 months. The longest was a year. Each time we broke up I would keep in contact with my husband, even when I was dating or living with another man. He was my best friend, and the other man I was living with or dating didn't like it, but I didn't care. One thing always lead to another and I would have an affair with my husband. Of course I'd tell my boyfriend it was nothing, we were just friends, and then I'd tell him I was going shopping or to my moms, or to my other friends....... I didn't know why I was doing it. I loved my husband, and I've never lived with a man I didn't love. My husband would up and leave me and I NEVER cheated on him (well not when he was living with me, when he left I would see that as I could do what I wanted, but I think it was cheating.) In the end I'd always end up living with my husband again, hurting the men who loved me and trusted me.
Lies aren't good in a relationgship, and without trust things crumble quickly. Right now it might be just friends, but with as long as they were together, it could quickly go to something more. If she didn't still have some form of feelings for him, she would cut him out of her life. And the fact that he DOESN"T know about you..... that's bad. She's hoping they'll get back together maybe. Either way, you deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, not someone who's keeping part of it for an ex. Everyone deserves that. This is a situation that can be painful for both you and her, I know that from experiance, and while I hope it's nothing like she says..... go with your gut.
2006-12-06 20:43:37 · answer #2 · answered by snickers12121488 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check my math, ok? You met at the end of October 2010. In Sep 2011, you hooked up as a couple. It's December. Three months of dating is WAY too soon to be discussing marriage and a future together. There are red flags all over this relationship....
2016-05-23 03:05:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already concerned. If it disturbs you this much, you may reach the point where you have to ask her to choose. They have a lot of history and that can hold people together, even when the love is not there, so it may be friendship. But tell her that if it's the case, then you expect to know when they talk. Tell herthat if she does tell you when they talk then you will suspect fowl play. It's natural to be suspicious under these conditions.
2006-12-06 20:24:13 · answer #4 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! you should be concerned enough to gather your things, pack them up, move out, and get a new apartment, and a new girlfriend that will not hide things from you. You should be concerned enough to know that if she is making up excuses, then she really is not fully over him and may be using you for a rebound relationship. Run not walk but run away from her and find someone who can be honest, love you and only you, and not tell lies to your face and call other ex's behind your back. Peace
2006-12-06 20:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you trust her and if she says they are just friends, what's the problem? Don't create problems when there isn't any. She's probably hiding her phone calls because you seem so concerned and insecure about her being friends with her ex. Face it, they have a lot of history together but you are with her now. Give her the benefit of doubt.
2006-12-06 20:14:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be concerned...If they are just friends and help each other out with personal problems now and again that is fine. She should not hide the fact that they still continue to have contact. If she cares for you she will be open and honest about their talks.
2006-12-06 20:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by coldsdt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she wants her cake and eat it too. She is playing you and him. Best thing to do is let her have him, and go find yourself someone who can be really true. If she had to hide all the conversations and phone calls, then she REALLY has something to hide.
2006-12-06 20:14:53 · answer #8 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes probably especially since she keeps lying or hiding it from you.
When you're in a relationship, there should be nothing to hide.
2006-12-06 20:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is really important in a relationship.
It's reasonable why you're feeling uncomfortable and concern, since she (kind of) lies to you.
2006-12-06 20:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by Cinna B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋